Saturday, October 6, 2012
Martyrdom Isn't An Option, I'm No Saint
Study of the Martyrdom of St. Sebastian, ordered shot to death with arrows by the Emperor Diocletian, Rome AD 288.
Dimmi: What are you mourning? What is painful?
The idea we are never given more than we can bear is total unmitigated hogwash. If it were even remotely true there wouldn't be any suicides.
Like Sebastian's arrows, they all killed him, not just one, the last straw syndrome; we each just have a different Tilt point. I'm working on arrows that go back over twenty years I think, no one enough to bow me but in total, finally enough to lay me out.
I've named the word depression out loud for the first time in my life, and have asked for help for the first time in my life...that was painful. But it didn't kill me...and maybe it will help. Maybe it already has. I've been up for a couple of hours and haven't discovered pointless tears running down my face yet. It is early, but believe me that is progress.
"As the eagle can be killed by the arrow winged with his own feathers, so the hand of the world is wounded by its own skill." ~ Helen Keller 1880-1968