Tuesday, November 20, 2012
I Didn't Mean It
Ever have an older sibling tip you out of bed just because they could? That warm cozy cocoon you were burrowed down in, dreaming the best dreams, probably a Saturday when it should have been allowed?
I'm reminded by this card to not lie down and give up. Last night curled up in my cozy warm bed a fully formed thought drifted across my mind unbidden...If I were dead I could be buried with my sister. Now there was a mental scream. No, I have gazillions of reasons not to wish that. To keep forcing activity and although I hate the phrase, fake it until I make it. I will, I'm still shuddering that the thought was there at all.
"...it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unwanted, unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl." ~ Angelus, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, 1998