Wednesday, November 20, 2013

I Will Not Go

Daily Draw: Thoth Tarot ~ Hermit

I've had mother home with me for a month today.
Why had she lost so much weight so fast?
I'm convinced she was slowly starving to death.
She can no long reline her own dentures and no one noticed.
She no longer understands the concept of AM and PM.
This morning she got up and got dressed at 1 AM, ready for her day.
She no longer eats any 'dinner' meats, just soft luncheon type meats.
She is wild about fresh fruit, particularly bananas.
It is always news to her that we shave her chin whiskers,
that I am her daughter, that the picture window she gazes through is not a picture but real life.

I'm reminded by this card and how much I love my mom, that this is not the route I will be taking. I understand why others saddled with dementia have chosen an earlier way out, perhaps because I was in the grip of black depression for so long. I will not go to this place. The Hermit told me.

"Grow quiet and observe the details."~ Ruth A. Souther

4 comments:

  1. I can totally understand this and I have the highest respect for such an decision
    My mother will make the same decision if she'll ever gets this diagnose.

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  2. Your mom (though she may not realize it) is so very lucky to have a daughter who loves her enough to accompany on this last ride of the rollercoaster. I admire your courage, compassion and patience; those are rare traits in this day and time.

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  3. Is this a poem? It is so beautiful. I too, nursed my mother through a long illness and saw her slowly fade away. This period of my life was very sad, but poignant.

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    Replies
    1. I'm not smart enough to write poetry aliyahs, but rereading the post it sort of seems like it.
      thank you all for stopping by, I always appreciate comments. Sharyn

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I welcome your thoughts. Good bad or indifferent; opinions are the lifeblood of conversation and I always learn something from a new point of view. Thank you for visiting, Sharyn