Saturday, September 27, 2014

Win Lose Withdraw

Daily Draw: Merryday Tarot ~ 5 of Swords

Poole sees the 5 of Swords as a mindful discriminating attitude. Fight to the finish and be done with it, win or lose with grace, or release and walk away, knowing when to choose a battle that is worth the chance of losing.

I spent the last year living this card. Each day, each hour presented an unwinnable battle with mom's mindset based on dementia. There is no reasoning with dementia. I know I've said it before but it was the keystone to living with her. The battle was always with myself rather than her whether I recognized or admitted it in the moment. Release and walk away. How many times did I remember that? Maybe half.

"…wondering, not for the first time, if there was a kind of dark bliss built into dementia: an immunity from death and abandonment, a way of fixing a point in time so that nothing can change, nothing can be rewritten, no one can leave." ~ Jonathan Miles 1971-   Want Not


  1. I'm beginning to learn this with my MIL. She swore the bugman that sprays her unit for roaches took her new clip-on earrings. She wanted to confront him and have him fired. If we tried to look for the earrings, she ranted that we didn't believe her. So my husband took her to get her hair done, and me and my SIL searched her home. We found them in five minutes stuck in a cardboard box. We didn't tell her of course; we just set them out where she would "find" them later.

  2. I still struggle with myself about this, regarding my husband's brain damage. I tend to expect more than he is able to give. over and over again
    Release and walk away,. is a good and sound advice but so difficult

  3. (hugs both of you)
    With mother it was things like pouring beverages on the floor because she was finished with it.
    I could talk until I was blue in the face why ths wasn't a good idea, but even standing there saying it I could see it meant nothing to her, those brain cells were long gone. Why she was dressing in fresh clothes... they all lose their sense of hygiene. I don't do anything to get dirty mentality. The home where she is now say they have people who are still home caring bringing their loved ones in just for a bath because it is impossible to get them to take one at home. You can reason all day long, they just don't hear anymore.

    Divert and distract are two keys to remember when the behavior becomes argumentative or combative.There are lots of ideas and helps, but WE need to retrain our minds, not try to fix theirs. A hard lesson/task..because we own mind locks too.

    1. "We need to retrain our brains, not try to fix theirs." Now that's the best idea I've heard in months about how to "deal" with her.

  4. that is the secret to dog training too...the human has to be consistent, (trained) :)


I welcome your thoughts. Good bad or indifferent; opinions are the lifeblood of conversation and I always learn something from a new point of view. Thank you for visiting, Sharyn