Aren't they fun? To look back on. After we've survived, buried, ignored into invisibility, or actually surmounted. At my age if there is an obstacle, it needs to be dealt with.
I've already had and vanquished four this year, the worst part of dealing with them required talking on the phone. Which is an obstacle In Process; I doubt I ever get over the panic symptoms, but I can stop nurturing them with avoidance, and force myself to get on with it.
Could be worse, I could have a fear of doorknobs or refrigerators or lawns. Makes phone work look easy peasy.
A dark card, but all the keywords can be teaching moments because less can be more.
I'm thinking today about mother's photo collection. To give her credit she had many wonderful family and vacation albums, people and places identified and dated. But also 3 large totes of loose photographs came to me, maybe 1% identified. I felt burdened and guilty, knowing they were precious to her, and not knowing how to honor that.
In the end I shipped shoeboxes of them to cousins hoping they could identify a few for their own pleasure. No one ever said if they did. The rest eventually met fire, the way I let go of things that simply serve no purpose but soul weight. I can't pull the wagon of someone else's stuff.
Ever see images of people contemplating the sun? I have at least ten collage cards about the moon specifically, only one featuring a sun. I don't get up and walk outside to contemplate the sun, but I get up in the night to view the moon. Without a moon the oceans would still and developers would fall on the newly freed view property. Without the sun we'd all die.
Which do I suppose I value more? The one that makes me think.
Although in a good mood, I've been feeling a bit like this lately. I seem to be taking quick looks over my shoulder for what the hell is it that is weighing me down...the tarot 10's are like this, even the ten of coins indicates there can be too much of a good thing.
I've cut back on blogging even althoough wordsmithing is one of my pleasures. I've cut back on tea, mainly because I don't care for the last box I bought. I could throw it out but not without a replacement. I have Irish Breakfast at my side right now, Rob likes it, I'm not a fan. My elder doggies continue to age, hard to watch, hard to choose when to let them go. Part of responsible pet ownership. I don't want to be responsible.
Little things I guess that add up to carrying the rocks. Mother would say I have the doldrums. She'd probably be right, I'm the luckiest girl in the world and I do know that.
Such pretty dresses. I used to wear them all the time, but these days anyone even vaguely dressed up here sticks out like a sore thumb. We are more likely to see flannel pajamas in public.
I think I'll celebrate today by wearing one of my big rhinestone brooches. Or two. Self appreciation, self respect, the joy of just doing it.
I've read the amount of heat you need is in direct proportion to how much coal you had to shovel to get it. I've gotten half that mountain of firewood moved. Our happy squirrel is shouting you can do it you can do it! Rob's finished with his task, nine tons of blocks moved out and then nine tons back in better position.
Deleted my Twitter account, only joined to get to know our Vice President better via her posts, haven't been back since the election. A small thing but it is one less member Mr. Musk paid for and doesn't have. Just try to imagine where $44 billion dollars could be placed if his heart worked as well as his brain; making him richer is a stick I'll never carry.
Wonder what other sticks I can think of today I'm carrying out of habit or inattention. I shall sling them from me.
Is the guy in the doorway saying 'Joe sent me'? Odd.
Feeling pretty cocky today, I pretty much have all my Roth squirrels back in the box, a noticeable portion of the wood pile moved undercover and stacked, Rob has moved an enormous pile of dirt and all the 86 pound stones.
Plus we were gifted ten 21 foot sheets of metal siding from a barn being torn down, so free free free woodshed roof. For side posts we cut up the last of a phone pole gifted from the beeper pole next door. For stringers and headers we had free rough cut lumber from the place we are getting our free firewood. Free is a very good thing if it is useful.
And I don't care if he knows 'Joe', I ain't letting that guy in, he looks sketchy. But then I'm the one that fell for the fraud photoshop site... Once burned twice shy.
Crap, the world is still here. Oh, World good, it's the people that are still here.
On the other hand we have to refill the hummingbird feeders every day, a few years ago we didn't have any. Last week we were watching them and noticed one didn't seem to be drinking then it just fell off the feeder! Rob found it in a flower pot, saw its tongue was going in and out, kept directing its tongue into the feeder ports and in a few minutes said he could actually feel it getting stronger. He sat it up on the feeder roost and sure enough, all good. It was a baby, not quite ready for its first outing.
Sometimes small world celebrations are what we hold on to. Humans are hopeless.
Joint work today, I have a mountain of firewood to stack undercover, Rob has a 26 foot section of retaining wall with 86 pound concrete blocks to remove and redo.
We'll have arms like orangutang's when finished but they will wrap around twice for hugs, Win Win.
Perseverance. Like we have options. Even if we just lie down and let it wash over us, life is still going to roll on. Just being old isn't a win, it's luck. Sometimes. Unless it was a life full of misery and hate. But if that is all you know is it a win?
Is rolling a pebble up a mountain perseverance to be applauded?
Is just getting up a win? Today it is, I found the lovely half-moon, never where I expect it to be of course, even though barely dawn the birds are in full throat, win win. We beat the weather yesterday and got the lawn mowed, breathtaking emerald, with diagonal lines this time. Today I'll have finished the quilting project, the top is at least fifteen years old. I'm not dwelling on why I stopped working on it, only the pleasure of seeing it on the bed.
Maybe for me a better term is endurance. As in the horses pulling the chariot, not the egomeister waiting for applause. I don't need accolades for a well lived day, all of us have that option. Getting up. Starting fresh. Open eyes, open heart.
Wands are the get-er-done suit, the fire energy may be hair-on-fire problems or fired up with the thrill of problem solving and action.
I spent four hours yesterday machine quilting, a first for 2022, other than sorting and packaging up quilt room things for sale. Embers rekindled.
I've made at least twenty phone calls this month, possibly more than I made all last year. Phonephobia still a tremor inducing heart pounding problem but am at least getting business taken care of. Fanning embers.
Working with Visa and the bank I've put some fraudster's feet to the fire.
I've spent the last 30 days with a nonsense (?) project lighting the fire in my dormant solar plexus chakra. The jury is still out but having a blast. Who knew yellow rubber ducky earrings could be a tool?
From the book...practical miser. Oh yes, I have Photoshop Elements 2022 now, after due research to find the least expensive copy. And happening on one 1/3 the normal price. Where was my brain?
Fraud site. Fortunately because we are staring at our bank account right now I noticed right away an additional fraudulent charge so bank is on board watching. Boy do I feel like a duffus.
From the book...thanks to that innate practicality, order can be restored. Of course it will require some phone time. Since I'm in Capricorn mode I will believe they Love to be on the phone, my Scorpio can go sit on the deck and watch the sun rise, as it always does. And I don't have Photoshop anymore. Maybe that is the miserly lesson, most of the things I want to do can probably be done online for free.
The will to make the changes needed, but not the resources. Refugees, homeless, mental or physical problems, children with useless parents, big world problems that have always been with us and always will be. All could be helped with proper funding and administration, the money is obviously there by the bale and barrel.
But wars make money for old white men, so that is where it goes instead of resources for the individual. I will always be grateful for decent loving parents, learning to read, and an enquiring mind able to figure out a way out of the mire.
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