Friday, October 19, 2018

Trinkets For The Dead

Daily Draw: Elements of Recovery Deck ~ Contentment

Do we even want to be contented? Do we even know what contented means? I have everything I need covers the subject.

In truth I do have the have everything nailed, but it doesn't mean every day some trinket-ish tchotchke doesn't wave at my want-it bone, all bling and glamor and new-smelling.

Not today though, it is autumn gravestones day, change out the cheerful red geraniums for glowing gold and orange chrysanthemums and see that Rob's mom's name and icon have been added to our stone. I have new ornaments for the little shepherd hooks. A beautiful silver trailer for mom and dad, a shiny tractor for Rob's dad and stained glass hearts for his mom. And for my little sister, two girls hugging, one with red hair and one blonde. Trinkets for the dead.

Thursday, October 18, 2018

Draftyminded

Daily Draw: Elements of Recovery Deck ~ Open Mindedness


Open: Life partners
Closed: Liars
Open: Clothing
Closed: Religion
Open: Raw food
Closed:

This is harder than you might think. I mostly don't give a hoot what anyone else does, that probably makes me draftyminded.

Wednesday, October 17, 2018

Easy To Miss

Daily Draw: Elements of Recovery Deck ~Honesty

"Choose your listener with care" ~ Bev King

Ever talked to someone only to realize they didn't hear you? Ask them to repeat what you just said is a good tool for judging whether they are worth baring your soul to.

Not familiar with twelve step programs, when my little brother was working through step eight, I waved him off, said he didn't owe me explanation or apology, never mind, it's all ok.

I'm really sorry I didn't know what he was doing because it weakened the honesty required in the step for him and the impact of his words on me. See the snowshoe rabbit in the image? Much like honest conversation, easy to miss. 

Tuesday, October 16, 2018

Root Cause

Daily Draw: Elements Of Recovery Deck ~ Forgiveness

What a huge word. A life changer if we are willing to acknowledge it doesn't have anything to do with anyone else.

To forgive there has to be a trigger of hurt or anger.
Recognize nothing going forward will change that.
Carrying anger and hurt around does not create payback.
Accept it is hard work to let something go...and work at it.

Took me a full year. It was easy to catch the loop, hadn't I been cosseting and caressing it? Wasn't that repeating mental litany of anger and hate the meat and potatoes feeding it?
I had to lay in wait for the loop and force myself to think of something else. Sounds simple. It wasn't. But it worked.

I can remember who I was mad at and the root cause, but the rest of it? All gone. And I make sure it stays that way.

Monday, October 15, 2018

Opossum Brain

Daily Draw: Elements of Recovery Deck ~ Discernment

"Wishful, Opinionated, Emotional Thinking" Bev King
Seeing it in black and white, I confess to doing all three of these every day.

I wish I'd never had cancer. It permanently changed the whole outlook of my life. Seven years out from breast cancer, five years out from lung cancer. This year I've listened to myself say things in reference to my being here in thirty years.

A total  opossum-like sham. My stomach is queasy this morning and I expect today it is cancer of the gizzard, no doubt at all. My cancer brain lies there invisible, laughing.

I could get hit by a bus today and be gone. I know that, and don't plan for it. I plan for dying of cancer.

Sunday, October 14, 2018

Can't Be Bothered

Daily Draw: Thousand and One Nights Tarot ~ 2 of Swords

Equilibrium. There's that word again.  Her boat is taking on water in a stormy sea, yet she is relaxed and confident; she is not involved or responsible.

Brings to mind the 1783 migrants drown to date in 2018.
2830 in 2017.
3709 in 2016.
3153 in 2015.
3064 in 2014.

That is us, lolling in our Sunday go to meeting duds. Uninvolved unresponsible. Uncaring uninformed. Not voting. Can't be bothered, nothing changes. Well, there is the big money to be made by white men selling arms...

Saturday, October 13, 2018

Pallbearer

Daily Draw: Thousand and One Nights Tarot ~ Ace of Cups

Daughter, granddaughter, sister-in-law, niece, daughter-in-law, great-granddaughter. I wanted us to carry mom's coffin home. But I got worried we'd drop it. The mortuary owner said "you can do it, she's little". And I didn't do it.

I'm still kicking my butt. I'm sorry mom.

Friday, October 12, 2018

Life Turns In A Moment

Daily Draw: Thousand and One Nights Tarot ~ 8 of Cups

Isolation. And putting things in perspective.
Here I am sitting beside the gorgeous Yakima River, sunshine, fair skies. In my pretty little 5th wheel RV, not a  worry in the world and all the comforts of home. 

On the other side of the country, my friend in Georgia (Sycamore Tree on my sidebar) is trying to make sense out of Hurricane Michael and 8 of Cups chaos.
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Thought I'd give you an update while my phone  still has charge
 Albany got the shit kicked out of it. No electricity or running water and the city says the damage is so extensive it will be weeks before it is restored. There are no open stores or gas stations, so we are rationing what we have. Heard of a store not far away that has power (probably generators) so we will check it out at daylight. Trees are all over the streets and there are no traffic lights working anywhere. We've got trees down and will need roof repairs, but at least we don't have a tree on the house or car as so many of our neighbors. Thanks for checking on us.💙🌈
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Thursday, October 11, 2018

Never The Twain

Daily Draw: Thousand and One Nights Tarot ~ 6 of Coins

Scruples and profits.

Never the twain shall meet. ~ Rudyard Kipling 1898

Wednesday, October 10, 2018

Consensus

Daily Draw: Thousand and One Nights Tarot ~ 3 of Coins

Shared thoughts or ideas forming a consensus.

Sometimes I think only I can understand.
Sometimes I think I'll never understand.

I think sometimes I refuse to understand.
Sometimes a consensus is not possible.
Perhaps all the thoughts and ideas aren't clearly on the table.