Necessity or Option?

Ananda Tarot ~ 10 of Wands/Flames

In Thothy-speak, oppression. This can be unjust treatment or control, or mental pressure or distress. For me this often relates to the weight of Stuff, and the impetus for years of downsizing what I worked so hard and spent so many dollars to gather. I've been at it for nineteen years, and like anything practiced, letting go of Stuff is a process at which I've become quite skilled.

My cousin has chosen to do something with her boxes of paper napkins, collected since she was ten years old. Accepting they have less than zero value to anyone else in the world, they are dear to her heart. Just deciding to do something about/with them is a step, when they have become oppression rather than pleasure, stuff rather than treasure trove.

I wish her well and honor her effort. 10 of Wands, telling us to move along, the load is not a necessity but an option. 

Frankendecken

Ananda Tarot ~ 8 of Cups

Pouring out outmoded mindsets.
"It's a process." Billy Crystal, Analyze That

In 2010 a co-operative Frankendecken Tarot was assembled, 78 cards, each from a different deck. I've had the compiled CD since then. Haven't even looked at it.

Yesterday, with a new color ink cartridge I let the idea go that it was too expensive to print Franken. I had to exercise my brain to figure out how to do it, it's been Years since I've printed out something besides an invoice or confirmation or short PDF. I'm excited to trim my new deck today, I might take my scissors and corner trimmer and go down to the marina and sit in the sun, examine each card from four different perspectives...and think about what else I haven't done, that I could do. Pouring out, filling in. 

Harmony

Ananda Tarot ~ 3 of Wands/Flames

I've banged on for years  about balance, but it's often forced, unnatural, giving up one thing to have another. It is good to recognize and do, it gives us power over our days, builds character as mother would say.

But. And there is always the dreaded but...I  recognize in my year word Equilibrium there is harmony, the oft forgotten part of the trio. In this Cone of Silence I've donned, shutting out the whole discord of the world, little corners of my brain are unfolding, small soft voices being allowed to speak I'm not sure I knew were there.

Have I set off a doomsday machine in my mind? Can we cope with knowing who we are rather than who we think we are? 

Ostara

Ananda Tarot ~ 10 of Spheres                     Art by Amanda Jane Clark

Full moon and spring equinox, a 10 of Spheres day indeed. 

When we want little, much is found. 

Embellished Brain

Ananda Tarot ~ 8 of Swords

In the Thothy tradition this is Interference but I'm not catching that vibe here. Going to the companion book I'm finding octagons and baptismal fonts. Ehh? And, the mind can set us free or, because we work so hard at it, misdirect and disguise allowing us to misunderstand and deny.

I sent a bunch of gifts out this week and one came back as refused. Lip trembling, pretty sure as a Witness, she'd finally got around to shunning me. Figuring a sword to the heart was better than a misdirected mind I scanned it and emailed her asking what was up. She had no idea and was her usual best friend self.

How much of our bad times come from self-embellished mental interference? 

Crow and Kit

Ananda Tarot ~ 5 of Wands/Flames

The 5 of Wands speaks of practice conflict, training, games that teach us how to protect, not maim...But this hand swipe makes me wonder how many piles of unintentional (or was it) hurt I've left behind me as I've moved through life with my smartass mouth.

I worked hard to leave behind crippling eggshell sensitivity, turned myself into a tough old crow with impenetrable heart. Yet time has had the last laugh and here I am again, back where I started, not sleeping because some animal may be hungry, some child might have a too tight sock cutting off circulation.

In the daytime I'm still the crow with a big stick, but at night I'm the abandoned kit with no tools at all. 

Perspective

Ananda Tarot ~ 2 of Coins

I can talk about equilibrium all I want but perspective is what has been in short supply. I've gotten smarter this past month, standing so far back from the world as to be removed.

This is a good thing. A good lesson, reminder, kick in the pants. The world doesn't need me, but I don't need it either. In all the ways that have created havoc and harm anyway. 

Bittersweet

Art of Life Tarot ~ 9 of Swords

I was so disappointed. I was crushed. I was gutted.
This card speaks of those times, when we curl up in a ball fleeing the circumstances entirely. Kick the refrigerator, punch the accelerator, scream at whoever is dumb enough to be closest.

Like the times we win, survive, come out on top, when grabbing a passing stranger in a hug seems the most natural thing to do. Moments to savor and remember. Moreso because we know the gutted times, the balance between the two become part of a bittersweet existence shared by humanity. Which ones we allow to pierce and drain and which we allow to fill are what shape our days and years. 

Falala Bucket

Art of Life Tarot ~ 6 of Coins

My dad was a good samaritan sort of guy all his life. 

In the early 70's, on the way home from work there was a wreck right in front of him. He stopped, the parents were dead, there was a little boy who survived. Dad pulled him out, wrapped him in his coat and they sat and waited for first responders. Back then, someone had to stop at a shop or house and call for help, it took awhile. 

That wait with that little boy haunted my dad for years. I've often wondered if the boy had any memory of the day at all and if he ever wondered who that man was, who wrapped him in his coat and then his arms and was just, there. 

Giving can come with a cost, it isn't all putting anonymous coins in a falala bucket. 

Invigorate and Unsettle

Art of Life Tarot ~ 2 of Wands

In very subtle but striking ways my life is evolving differently since I had my Slip Away time.

The process of gifting myself time to think, or rather forcing myself into a corner where I have to think, has offered new directions. On old streets. I don't know where I'm going, but I'm glad I took the turning.

Reacquainting myself with an younger version of Sharyn has been reinvigorating in an intimidating and unsettling way...did I ever really take the time to do all this stuff? When did I quit? Why did I quit, when did I get to the point where so many things didn't matter anymore?