Claustrophobic Pressure

Tao Oracle + I Ching Book of Changes
I Ching 9 The Taming Power of the Small

The need and pressure to change, fix, control, move, and it absolutely isn't happening.

Caught in that sticky net day to day life can be trying. It can be downright crazymaking. The claustrophobic pressure of the situation can paralyze the mind and/or heart. That has to come out somewhere. Sores, irritable bowels, hair loss, crankiness to the 9th degree.  At this point we need to turn our Florence Nightingale complex inward, it has to suffice to carry us through. It has to... On the other hand, it is an excellent time for self-examination. Or housekeeping. Or learning to spell.

I Ching 9
"You are temporarily restrained. It is a time for taking small steps."

Go Back And Fix It Times Two

Tao Oracle + I Ching Book of Changes
64 Before Completion  54 Marrying Maiden

Last chances to get it right. Every day we complete tasks, pronounce it finished, and move on. But sometimes something niggles. The quilt top from the quilt mystery that starts in November is finished and hanging on my working wall. Except yesterday as I assembled the border units I realized I missed four spots ripe for some added drama. Rolled my eyes and said no way, it's good enough. But it isn't. Today I'll do some seam ripping and fix it.

What has the marrying maiden to do with us? Compromising situations where we wimp out and say "I was just doing my job".  Worst case scenario, the death camps. Compared to that we might think "this isn't so bad, who does it hurt?" This card reminds me, it hurts me and I should have said no, to a boss I respected and admired who annually had me create false documents relating to the sale of deicer. I hated doing it, but I did it. It was my job, right? In retrospect I know I wouldn't have been fired, someone else would have been assigned the job. Why didn't I just say no? So today, twenty-five years later it still bothers me. I wish I could fix it.

I Ching 64 Wei Chi/Before Completion
"The transition from chaos to order depends upon your achieving true inner calm."

I Ching 54 Kuei Mei/The Marrying Maiden
"In relationships desires lead to misfortune.Behave with discipline and balance."

Sit Up And Gripe

Tao Oracle + I Ching Book of Changes
47 Oppression ~ 24 Turning Point

The Book of Changes suggest when life is this dark, struggle is useless. While we are waiting for the stones to roll off us, we need to be getting our mind right. It is a nice idea, but this list is like a facial scar or missing limb, these words are real, they have substance, and cheerful peaceful thinking doesn't dispel anything in that moment.
We do it because it is expected of us, so we are no trouble, so we don't make waves which effectively blocks communication. What is there to talk about, she is fine. On the other hand, a walk in the sunshine, head up rather than watching our feet is always a good idea...

The Turning Point is likened to winter solstice, that moment you know and feel the light coming back. I can believe and get behind that idea. We've picked up better than an hour of evening light in the past thirty days. Now if 'they' would destroy daylight savings time. Ridiculous in a 24/7 world. I guess if we can manage to sit up and gripe we're not too far gone. Turning point indeed.

I Ching 47 K'un/Oppression + Exhaustion
"An unavoidable time of adversity. Quiet strength insures a later success."

I Ching 24 Fu/Return
"A time of darkness comes to a close."

Smart-Aleck

Daily Draw: Tao Oracle + I Ching Book of Changes
6  Conflict

All of the triggers on this card create conflict. We are humans, with egos, and these situations do come up. I Ching recommends instant and total disengagement.

I'm reminded by this card I can do this, sometimes all too easily, but just as often I allow myself to be caught up in someone else's ego carpola before I even think of the disconnect button. And my long term modus operandi is a smart-aleck response before I disconnect. I keep expecting to grow out of that...

I Ching 6
"The proper response to conflict, whether it lies within or without us is disengagement."

Too Much Of Not Much

I Ching Book of Changes + Tao Oracle
55 Abundance

The Book of Changes likens this to the top of the tarot Wheel, and suggests pulling our various length life strings to us, considering them all, choosing the valuable, letting go of dross. Great thought provoking task, it doesn't take us much time to gather or do a lot of too much of not much.

The Tao suggests we are now at that spot, and to consider how in all our abundance, we can share in a manner that credits us without any showiness.  In that respect I have finally found something to do for my community, something I've been trying to come up with for months. I'm looking forward to it, perhaps I'll begin today. It is very me, my time my dime.

I Ching 55
"A moment of great influence is at hand. Prepare wisely and act accordingly."

Lollygagging

I Ching Book of Changes + Tao Oracle
63 Completion ~ 58 Joyous

The one drawback to retirement: First getting your head around the idea you have all day week month to do a job, and then taking all day week month to do a job.
What I've set for my work task today I would have done in two hours when I knew I had to leave for work at 8 AM.
What I will do, and enjoy doing is mosey along on it, interspersed with dipping into my two hour computer time, adding stitches to the quilt top almost finished, visiting with my little chickens...in other words lollygagging skygazing navel inspecting like a ten year old in the outfield playing recess baseball.
I'll get there but it is lovely to savor the joyous journey of it all. This is a different world for someone who has worked steadily since she was fifteen. As long as I don't lose track entirely, which is in fact, my base fear.
(edited to add, I completed my chosen task finally at 5:30 PM, only took me 11 hours. life is good)

I Ching 63 Chi Chi After Completion
"Good fortune unfolds for those who remain on guard against inferior influences."

I Ching 58 Tui The Joyous
"True joy is experienced by those who are strong within and gentle without."

Collision

I Ching Book of Changes + Tao Oracle
12 Standstill ~ 53 Development

Fanned and drew a card, two came out.
If this isn't me in a nutshell...
Frozen by grief, black rage, two cancers, depression, 24/7 care of mother...
and then release.
Now it is a matter of either 'coming back' or going forward.
I'm trying to do both, maybe that collision isn't the answer.

But without the 'back' who am I?

I Ching 12 P'I Standstill (Stagnation)
"In times of stagnation attend to your attitude"

I Ching 53 Chien Development (Gradual Progress)
"Those who persevere make continuous progress."

Remodel

Daily Draw: Ananda Tarot ~ 4 of Coins/Spheres

Maintenance and proper care for what we have creates stability. I laughed when I saw this, our house is about forty years old now and baths and kitchen are showing their age. We had the bright idea to have the upstairs bath redone after we saw a gorgeous seamless shower mock-up at a quilt show of all places. We did the tear-out, and mid-November the shower went in.

I'm reminded by this card tomorrow we will be grouting the floor tile and it will be finished. Well almost...there are still two cupboards that need doors but that shouldn't take us more than..six weeks? We will shortly be washing in the new sink and presiding on the new throne and all that will be left to do is clean the house top to bottom of all the drywall dust. Arrugh. We've been here twenty plus years, and the house is becoming a bit like George Washington's ax. Two new heads and three new handles, but it is still his ax. And we've done most of the work. 4 of Coins in action.

"Before you're going to do any remodeling, you should check out the existing market for another home and you're going to find that you can't afford to move anyway. So part of the process becomes being clear about liking where you live." ~   Paul Winans 1948-

Hardened Minds Hardened Hearts

Daily Draw: Ananda Tarot ~ Moon

Can you see the two connected figures on the Moon face? The implication being we are connected to all creatures whether we accept it or not. That we ourselves are a whole made up of both our conscious and unconscious perceptions.

I'm reminded by this card the older I get the less connection I feel to other humans. Our hardened minds and hearts have turned us into monsters who only get involved when something touches us on a personal level. Which is often a danger only imagined to begin with. Our evolutionary crab might rethink coming out of the primordial ooze. We are neither ready nor worthy of life.

"Silence is a lie that screams at the light." ~ Shannon L. Alder

Does The Heart Think?

Daily Draw: Ananda Tarot ~ King of Cups

He both protects his heart light and guards against that which dims it. In this way he holds true his instincts for a clearly defined life.

I'm reminded by this card the fine line between a distrustful nature, and an open one. The former kills by eliminating choices the latter frees this King to explore all options without commitment.

"Mind has door. A password can open it.
That word is stored safely in your heart,
waiting for your willingness to retrieve it." ~ Toba Beta  My Ancestor Was an Ancient Astronaut

35,000 Years To Get It Right

Daily Draw: Ananda Tarot ~ King of Coins/Spheres

Spirit and matter combine to create the groundwork for the conditions of earthly existence. (Ananda Kurt Pilz) Isn't that nice wordsmithing? This makes me think of a new moon and the light in a refrigerator and a tree falling in the forest. Are they real if we can't see or hear them?

I'm reminded by this card, and this protector and keeper King, of the age of earth (4.5 billion years), of the earliest known humanoid (1.6 billion years), of the earliest known homo sapiens (330,000 years), of man with culture (writing, music, art) 35,000 years. That is a long time trying to get it right...and there is still a huge gap between real and ideal. Are we that poor pickers of Kings? Or are we poor followers? Both apparently.

 "A few hundred years ago every one knew the world was flat! Think what you will know tomorrow." ~ Tommy Lee Jones, Men In Black

Drill Down To Essential

Daily Draw: Ananda Tarot ~ 9 of Cups

Mandala. Sanskrit for complete or whole. An integrated structure organized around a unifying center. I thought it was something along the lines of Native American's dream catcher. Wrong.

I'm reminded by this card it is hard to know when we are whole or unified as we have a lifetime of words and actions blurring the essential core of who we are and what we really feel.
This has been very much on my mind this winter as I take inventory (9 of Wands), of the mental (9 of Swords), and the physical (9 of Coins). In most respects I've got the 9 of Cups right. One out of four. Could be worse...

The necessary has never been man's top priority. The passionate pursuit of the nonessential is one of the chief traits of human uniqueness." ~ Eric Hoffer 1902-1983

Fear Of Fear

Daily Draw: Ananda Tarot ~ Strength

How much Strength does it take to go from developmental concepts and classes and planning (Majors 1-10) to moving forward in an active sense? To just doing it?

I know people with hundreds of decks who've never read for anyone.
How many people have college degrees who've never worked a day in their field?
People who know they are sick that don't see a doctor?
People who've never left the county they grew up in?
Fear of success is just as paralyzing as fear of failure. As is fear of fear.

"Don't ever live vicariously. This is your life. Live." ~ Lavinia Spalding 1982-

Prepare or Repair

Daily Draw: Ananda Tarot ~ 9 of Wands/Flames

The 9 of Wands is the opportunity, the chance, the invitation, to move forward to the 10 of Wands. Because if we aren't thinking forward we are actually drifting backward. There is no such thing as status quo in real life and the nine of wands was never about resting, and certainly not about putting the best spin on a situation.

I'm reminded by this card we can do this without feeling like we are on a hamster wheel. Preparing our ground, and planning proactively, we are never at the 9 of Wands long.

"If you’re proactive, you focus on preparing. If you’re reactive, you end up focusing on repairing." ~ John C. Maxwell 1947-  Today Matters

Recog and Recon Deux

Daily Draw: Ananda Tarot ~ Queen of Swords

An agile mind. For the first time in many years I did not seek and choose my annual 'learn something new'. Tarot was one, back in 2005. Yoga, 2007. Mesoamerica, 2012. Last year was a total fail. I had chosen sacred geometry. DNA, snowflakes, sunflowers seed pattern, the endless fractals in nature. Caring for someone with advanced dementia blew any idea of quiet time out of the water.

I'm reminded by this card, truth be told, crybaby that I am, I'm afraid to try this year. For now, I'll just stick with the January 3rd task.

"The harmony of the world is made manifest in form and number, and the heart and soul and all the poetry of natural philosophy are embodied in the concept of mathematical beauty." ~ Sir D'Arcy Wentworth Thompson 1860-1948

Constantly Measuring

Daily Draw: Ananda Tarot ~ Ace of Swords

Howard Baker: What did the president know and when did he know it? A little blast from the past via Watergate. Having spent four years living with dementia in my father in law and mother, I've often pondered this question. Did they know? How early? What point is too late?

I'm reminded by this card and that past, I'm constantly measuring my own ability to remember, measuring my coping ability. My most recent shock. This January 1st I laid my annual year wheel spread. I couldn't read it. A few days ago I admitted it was a hopeless cause and took it apart and put the deck away. At what point does forgetfulness leave the purview of stress and depression and become dementia? Stay tuned, you may be watching a mental implosion.

"Their minds are buried alive and will come forth later in uglier ways." ~ Sigmund Freud 1856-1939

Daily Life

Daily Draw: Ananda Tarot ~ 5 of Wands/Flames

Control. Proactive planning. Consequences.

Daily life in a nutshell.

"Optimism for pessimists" ~  Sophia Dembling

Inner Queen

Daily Draw: Ananda Tarot ~ Queen of Wands/Flames

She takes all the conflicting feelings and shattering emotions of Cups, and organizes and directs them.

I'm reminded by this card, that is our inner Queen of Wands stepping in. Where would we be without her?

"You take your life in your own hands, and what happens? A terrible thing, no one to blame." ~ Erica Jong 1942-

Ascetic

Daily Draw: Ananda Tarot ~ Hermit

In ancient Greece an ascetic was someone who trained or practiced in a dedicated manner. Somewhere along the line asceticism has evolved into extremities of denial and self mortification.

How well meaning we are, before the addictive behaviors set in. This figure's path is clearly lit from heart light. It still has the rose and cards of play and beauty, the cup and orb as connections to feelings and earthy obligations. I'm reminded by this card to wonder at what point do we cross the line? It is only in retrospect that I can ever clearly see that tipping point.

"In the end, Tipping Points are a reaffirmation of the potential for change and the power of intelligent action. ~ Malcolm Gladwell 1963-  The Tipping Point: How Little Things Can Make a Big Difference

Dissociate

Daily Draw: Ananda Tarot ~ 2 of Coins/Spheres

What do we keep and what do we discard in order to live day to day in the real world with some kind of balance? Inner darkness and outer sunny is how some of us manage; is there another way?

I'm reminded by this card physical balance is grounding one foot in front of the other. To strangers and friends and family, we appear to be functioning as long as we are upright, walking. Sometimes that is the sum total of our functional ability.

"You make it sound so easy." ~  Jasinda Wilder

So, What Then?

Daily Draw: Ananda Tarot ~ Justice

I've struggled with the Justice card here 70 times already. What does it really mean? I get the concept of a pedophile being slowly crushed by a refrigerator. I get the concept of a murderer being tied to an ant hill. But somebody has to do the tying and dropping, what does that do to their mind and heart?

I'm reminded by this card Justice should be found in a court of law, but seldom is. By the time the trial or consecutive trials are over the family of both sides have been run through the shredder, where is the Justice in that? Hell is just a boogieman under the bed, no such thing. So, what then?

"No man suffers injustice without learning, vaguely but surely, what justice is."  ~ Isaac Rosenfeld 1918-1986

Ananda Tarot, art and 292 page soft cover book by Kurt Pilz, currently out of print. Published by AGM AGMuller 2003.

Cautionary Curiousity

Daily Draw: Oracle of the Dreamtime ~ Bogong Moth

Myee's wings were all colors before she became curious about the Snowy Mountain peaks, flew there, and was buried in snowfall. Come snowmelt she was released, but her colors stayed on the snow and then melted into the earth. She was forever brown after that and Snowy Mountain has gloriously colored flowers.

Rather a cautionary tale about natural curiosity and stepping outside our pew or box. Because everything we do reshapes us on some level. I'm reminded by this card, moths are the only living creature I'm irrationally frightened of. The Bogongs migrate enmass. I'm not sure I'd survive their passing.

 "But tho' dreams of delight may have dazzled you quite,
They at last found it dangerous play;
Many things in this world that look bright, pretty moth,
Only dazzle to lead us astray." ~ Thomas Haynes Bayly 1797-1839

Final Straw Last Nerve

Daily Draw: Oracle of the Dreamtime ~ Echidna

Echidna drank up all the water in retaliation for no one helping him when he asked. For his efforts he was turned into a spear cushion to let the water back out.

This is a card about selfish and sharing, community and family interactions, and the perceived insults and irritations that rub us the wrong way. I'm reminded by this card we've all been there, the final straw, the last nerve... we are human after all. I'm also reminded from December 14th card I still haven't chosen a way to serve my own community. I think I have a plan...

"Selfishness is the only real atheism;
unselfishness, the only real religion."
 Franklin D. Roosevelt  1882-1945

Brave Up

Daily Draw: Oracle of the Dreamtime ~ Seven Sisters

The seven girls went to the elders and declared their intent to take and pass the test the boys took as passage into manhood. They accomplished the tasks without hesitation or murmur. The result being they were swept up to the night sky and remain there as the Seven Sisters or  Pleiades, as encouragement for all, for we know not what we can do until we try.

I'm reminded by this card of the young adult me, scared to call the rental ads, the power company, the garbage service.  Life eventually beats that out of us and we brave up in spite of ourself.  This is a good thing, but occasionally I'm a bit nostalgic for that naive trembling young lady. She had some good qualities, also lost in the transition from child to adult.

"Re-examine all you have been told. Dismiss what insults your Soul." ~ Walt Whitman 1819-1892

Which Are We?

Daily Draw: Oracle of the Dreamtime ~ Whale/Starfish

This is a 'you had to be there' sort of story but at it's base is about broken trust. I'm wondering can we break trust with someone totally self serving? If the good of the whole harms them not, and they refuse, is it even possible to have a relationship to be broken? Is our act faithless if a relationship is one sided?

I'm reminded by this card, as I was last week, it is not effortless to have or be a friend. Only the two can measure endeavor vs. value.

"Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art... It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival." ~ C. S. Lewis 1898-1963

Consistent Sun Inconsistent Time

Daily Draw: Oracle of the Dreamtime ~ Sun

The sun may be the most consistent of nature's offerings. If I drew this card in a reading in the future spot it might mean a long term effort is required, in the past spot perhaps the burden has been carried long enough, let it go. Because the sun is long term, patient, and puts the light of reality on a subject.

I'm reminded by this card of things I've put behind me. Of things I've walked away from. There is one problem I've been sitting on most of my life. If I want closure I have to blow a lot of other people out of the water. They need closure too but am I the one to do it? Rather patronizing that. So I tiptoe dragging it's grisly remains about with  me, watching the sun set and rise, knowing this particular stench will probably always be here. Time isn't consistent and it's running out.

"They never sense the sweet stench of corruption that is all around them -- the keen, thin scent of decay that pervades everything and accuses with a terrible accusation." ~ Thomas Merton 1915-1968

Contrary

Daily Draw: Oracle of the Dreamtime ~ Turtle

Turtle, who was once a man, could not swim. Trapped by island captors, he made his escape on a log. To avoid their arrows he rolled under the log, and became turtle.

According to the dreamtime story this was a wonderful thing, he always had protection and he could roam land and water freely. My contrary thought is, he could no longer speak, no longer do his chosen profession as teller of tales and singer of songs, could no longer communicate with or show care to brother humans...I'm reminded by this card, keeping our hearts armored to protect us from pain isn't my idea of life.

"Put on some armor. Just remember what's armor and what's you, so when it's time to take it off, you can." ~ Brent Weeks 1977-   The Blinding Knife

Kindness and Consideration

Daily Draw: Oracle of the Dreamtime ~ Kangaroo

In the dreamtime, mother kangaroo earned the pouch in which marsupials carry their young by doing several acts of selfless kindness and consideration.

I'm reminded by this card, in nondreamtime these acts are seldom if ever rewarded. We do them because at core it is what sets us above what we so easily can become.

"The reality is, it takes daily cultivation of a spiritual path, to sustain not the feeling of elation, but the focused, mindful path of steady growth." ~ S. Kelley Harrell Gift of the Dreamtime - Reader's Companion

Oracle of the Dreamtime by Donni Hakanson, 1998, published by Journey Editions/Eddison Sadd Ltd. 45 round cards and softcover 176 page companion book, images by six artists, based on Australian Aboriginal culture and ancient stories of the Dreamtime.

Recognize and Reconcile

Daily Draw: Shaman's Oracle ~ Shaman of Tradition

Valuing our established traditions while being open to the reality of changing patterns and  needs. Looking back, every draw this week has reflected this truth.

I'm reminded by this card of the new tool in my 2105 life kit. I've chosen Recognize and Reconcile as my guide or mantra, a potential tradition and a powerful key if invoked.
I wonder how many of us would recognize the real us if we met ourselves on the street? I'm working at seeing the me the last five years have pounded into an unrecognizable thing and to reconcile that person with what I will choose to become. If change is inevitable, why not guide it to a path or tradition that serves us?

"Only now does he see himself - and what surprises he experiences as he does so!" ~  Friedrich Nietzsche 1844-1900  Human, All Too Human

Underneath, Glowing

Daily Draw: Shaman's Oracle ~ Dancer of Joy

This image shows joy with great abandon. I've not seen joy as that state. Flinging ourselves about and dancing until we drop is more a state of ecstasy, something quite temporary.

I'm reminded by this card, to me, joy is a nugget inside, always radiating, always warming, which is far different from happy. Happy is temporary. Joy is in for the long haul, and even when dimmed by pain or sorrow, is still there, underneath, glowing.

Joy, especially after a change of circumstances, is apt to be silent, and dwells rather in the heart than on the tongue.~ Henry Fielding 1707-1754

Blood Runs Deep

Daily Draw: Shaman's Oracle ~ Ancestor of Tribes

From our Dancer of Friendship, which is one on one, we step both back in time and forward, to our Tribe. Mine would be founded in the ancient European Germanic migratory tribes, more recently in the First Peoples Choctaw tribe. Our current tribes are multiple but easier to define. Workplace, religion, family, neighborhood, school, cultural and hobby groups, even facebook. For some, perhaps most of all by facebook.

I'm reminded by this card all our new tribes we've gravitated to still have some kind of leader, mentors, and followers. Interesting that.
To stop and wonder if my life is formed and defined by my life, or my tribes.
To wonder if the tribes I'm associated with serve my needs, and do I serve them equal value, or am I the pillock in the back row who wandered in by mistake. January 1 is a good day for these thoughts, take an axe and sever what doesn't nurture, cultivate what does.

Done.