Tuesday, October 16, 2018

Root Cause

Daily Draw: Elements Of Recovery Deck ~ Forgiveness

What a huge word. A life changer if we are willing to acknowledge it doesn't have anything to do with anyone else.

To forgive there has to be a trigger of hurt or anger.
Recognize nothing going forward will change that.
Carrying anger and hurt around does not create payback.
Accept it is hard work to let something go...and work at it.

Took me a full year. It was easy to catch the loop, hadn't I been cosseting and caressing it? Wasn't that repeating mental litany of anger and hate the meat and potatoes feeding it?
I had to lay in wait for the loop and force myself to think of something else. Sounds simple. It wasn't. But it worked.

I can remember who I was mad at and the root cause, but the rest of it? All gone. And I make sure it stays that way.

Monday, October 15, 2018

Opossum Brain

Daily Draw: Elements of Recovery Deck ~ Discernment

"Wishful, Opinionated, Emotional Thinking" Bev King
Seeing it in black and white, I confess to doing all three of these every day.

I wish I'd never had cancer. It permanently changed the whole outlook of my life. Seven years out from breast cancer, five years out from lung cancer. This year I've listened to myself say things in reference to my being here in thirty years.

A total  opossum-like sham. My stomach is queasy this morning and I'm sure it is cancer of some organ. My cancer brain lies there invisible, laughing.

I could get hit by a bus today and be gone. I know that, and don't plan for it. I plan for dying of cancer.

Sunday, October 14, 2018

Can't Be Bothered

Daily Draw: Thousand and One Nights Tarot ~ 2 of Swords

Equilibrium. There's that word again.  Her boat is taking on water in a stormy sea, yet she is relaxed and confident; she is not involved or responsible.

Brings to mind the 1783 migrants drown to date in 2018.
2830 in 2017.
3709 in 2016.
3153 in 2015.
3064 in 2014.

That is us, lolling in our Sunday go to meeting duds. Uninvolved unresponsible. Uncaring uninformed. Not voting. Can't be bothered, nothing changes. Well, there is the big money to be made by white men selling arms...

Saturday, October 13, 2018

Pallbearer

Daily Draw: Thousand and One Nights Tarot ~ Ace of Cups

Daughter, granddaughter, sister-in-law, niece, daughter-in-law, great-granddaughter. I wanted us to carry mom's coffin home. But I got worried we'd drop it. The mortuary owner said "you can do it, she's little". And I didn't do it.

I'm still kicking my butt. I'm sorry mom.

Friday, October 12, 2018

Life Turns In A Moment

Daily Draw: Thousand and One Nights Tarot ~ 8 of Cups

Isolation. And putting things in perspective.
Here I am sitting beside the gorgeous Yakima River, sunshine, fair skies. In my pretty little 5th wheel RV, not a  worry in the world and all the comforts of home. 

On the other side of the country, my friend in Georgia (Sycamore Tree on my sidebar) is trying to make sense out of Hurricane Michael and 8 of Cups chaos.
------------------------------
Thought I'd give you an update while my phone  still has charge
 Albany got the shit kicked out of it. No electricity or running water and the city says the damage is so extensive it will be weeks before it is restored. There are no open stores or gas stations, so we are rationing what we have. Heard of a store not far away that has power (probably generators) so we will check it out at daylight. Trees are all over the streets and there are no traffic lights working anywhere. We've got trees down and will need roof repairs, but at least we don't have a tree on the house or car as so many of our neighbors. Thanks for checking on us.💙🌈
-----------------------------------

Thursday, October 11, 2018

Never The Twain

Daily Draw: Thousand and One Nights Tarot ~ 6 of Coins

Scruples and profits.

Never the twain shall meet. ~ Rudyard Kipling 1898

Wednesday, October 10, 2018

Consensus

Daily Draw: Thousand and One Nights Tarot ~ 3 of Coins

Shared thoughts or ideas forming a consensus.

Sometimes I think only I can understand.
Sometimes I think I'll never understand.

I think sometimes I refuse to understand.
Sometimes a consensus is not possible.
Perhaps all the thoughts and ideas aren't clearly on the table.

Tuesday, October 9, 2018

Analysis

Daily Draw: Thousand and One Nights Tarot ~ 4 of Swords

Analyzation. With serenity. Hard to do. If we care enough about a subject we have a tendency to get actively passionate and invariably take sides.

I'm reminded by this card we can also think we know everything there is to know about a passion, or think it to death, and get lazy, take time off, get bored.

Ah, Balance. But where is the fun in that? 

Monday, October 8, 2018

Companionship

Daily Draw: One Thousand and One Nights Tarot ~ 2 of Cups

Companionship and shared interests. I have yet to find anyone local that enjoys tarot cards. And only one local quilter although I know there must be more.The guild meets at night and I don't drive at night anymore, oncoming lights are spears in my eyes.

Not whining, I'm happy with  my own company but my point is on-line groups can fill in the gap. There is a nice little tarot group here and for extra fun, a group for RV Quilters on FB. Companionship when we have time for it, two of cups friends. And I spent the weekend policing up my quilt room in readiness for the upcoming Bonnie Hunter quilt mystery, there will be a herd of us doing it. Life is good.

Sunday, October 7, 2018

Woman On Offer

Daily Draw: Thousand and One Nights Tarot ~ 7 of Cups

Imagination, dreams, obsessions. Which do you think is happening here? He doesn't seem even vaguely interested in the naked woman, more warding her off. If he is a beggar he might think she is messing with his income, if he can afford that woman why does he need my pennies? If I imagine he is a traveler, he was dreaming his water and gruel were hot coffee and fresh bread. And maybe he is just playing mind games with her.

Scherherazade's stories are full of 7 of Cups. Think Sinbad, Aladdin, Ali Baba. I think we all have that much imagination. I'd like to think my cleaning project and the laundry are all finished so I can sit down and sew. I'll picture it as I work.

Saturday, October 6, 2018

Stony Bones

Daily Draw: Haindl Tarot ~ 3 of Wands

Worship. The world seems full of ancient bones of stone where people came together to celebrate or cower over old or new brands.

I wonder, if I could trace back to the root where someone's beliefs began, how many would say I do it because my parents did.
I wonder how many vote the way they do because their parents voted that way.
If their children are being raised the way they were raised.
If they are Ford or Chevy people because their parents were.
Do we stay there because it is easier than thinking for ourselves?

Virtue. What is it?
                                                                                                                         

Friday, October 5, 2018

Earth Alchemy

Daily Draw: Haindl Tarot ~ Temperance/Alchemy

Pitted rock against blue sky. enthusiasm and dejection. Having just crisscrossed our  country I've seen this  juxtaposition over and over again.

We were once underwater mountains covered by salted seas.
Salt is alchemy in itself, every living creature requires it to survive.
So is water to air to water to air again. Nature's ecology. I wish I'd started studying this at birth yet I'd still only have grasped a small percentage of it by now. Sometimes awe of Temperance is enough.

Thursday, October 4, 2018

Love/Hate

Daily Draw: Haindl Tarot ~ 4 of Swords

The white feather signifying truce. A break from hostilities.

I have a love/hate relationship with  my kindle app.
I have a hate/hate relationship with the new Trump call anytime phone.
I have a love/love relationship with geology.
I have a love/hate relationship with seasons, they go way too fast.

I guess that all evens out, balance/balance

Wednesday, October 3, 2018

All Over Again

Daily Draw: Haindl Tarot ~ High Priestess

The Magician is the movement, the new knowledge, the unthinkable ideas.
The High Priestess is the calm, rational, think things over option.

I'm reminded by this card of my lightbulb moments and rushing right off to put them into action. I've offered Rob a number of my brilliant ideas while we were on the road, and he only used one of them!I can't hardly believe it.

On the other hand a fragile mind forgets, so I can have all my brilliant ideas all over again.

Tuesday, October 2, 2018

Agitation

Daily Draw: Haindl Tarot ~ Ace of Swords

The water is the imagination, the Sword is the intelligence, both are required to form action and function. One without the other is simply null.

That is all I've got today, there needs to be some agitation going on and my waters are still.

Monday, October 1, 2018

Tripping

Daily Draw: Haindl Tarot ~ 10 of Coins

Many years ago, on a trip to California we stopped at every quilt shop and I bought fabric. There are no chains or franchises so each is different, a reflection of the owner.

One year we went south via the coastline and I took photos of every lighthouse along the way. That was so fun and the original Webshots once chose it as their album of the day.

This trip it has been museums and great houses, wildly different subjects and always fascinating. The only things we've bought outside of fuel and groceries and RV park fees are a giant coffee mug for me and a replacement belt for Rob. And it snowed like mad yesterday, here in the Montana high country.

Times change, we still have everything we need.

Sunday, September 30, 2018

Explosive Reveal

Daily Draw: Haindl Tarot ~ 7 of Cups

Youthful folly and illusions of success. I could write pages on this subject because we have seen it played out on a national scale this month.

It has me reviewing my own juvenile behavior from 12 to 21. 90% pure, 10% reprehensible. I am not excusing anything I did. I did learn from all those experiences and carried none of it into adulthood.

Could anyone come forward with an explosive reveal today? Absolutely. But I'm not dumb enough to set myself up as an honorable example and all encompassing judge over every single person in the USA for the remainder of my life.

His behavior while under examination has been anything but judicial. He is still 18 at root.

Saturday, September 29, 2018

Potholes + Orange Cones

Daily Draw: Llewellyn Tarot ~ Moon

The Moon is often read as the dark side of our personalities.  As my favorite card in all decks, how does that personal tarot discord help a querent who just wants to know what the heck is going on?

Perhaps the hunting owl says night or day we have to recognize the details, the mice of life. If we leave the details unstrung, unformed, there isn't enough knit up together to lead a cohesive life, it is all potholes and orange cones. Potholes signify the breaks, orange cones signify awareness and repair.

Friday, September 28, 2018

Well Mannered

Daily Draw: LLewellyn Tarot ~ Page of Cups

Well mannered and accommodating. We've run into bus loads of kids this trip, Wind Caves being the last group. And they all have been polite and helpful.

We have also been on tours with senior citizens and they have been just the opposite. Why do they sign up for these tours when all they do is complain?

We plan on never being senior citizens. Unless it gets us a discount.

Thursday, September 27, 2018

His Armor

Daily Draw: Llewellyn Tarot ~ Knight of Coins

Hardworking, orthodox. I wonder how big the test group has to be to get yourself deemed orthodox. I might even find a person using the term on someone a sanctimonious prat.

Name calling out of the way for the morning, I admire a upright man with a job and a future in mind. Rob has worked as as an adult beginning at thirteen when he left home for good.

I could never even once get him to call in sick so we could goof off. He is an always busy, hardworking man. And as unorthodox as a white male can get. And he doesn't need any armor, his honor travels in him.

Wednesday, September 26, 2018

Rerun, Running Hard

Daily Draw: Llewellyn Tarot ~ Chariot

Ten wheels to the ground today, rolling hard, long road ahead.

So I'll share some of my past Chariot posts
It always surprises me what the cards yank out of my brain.

Tuesday, September 25, 2018

Anazing

Daily Draw: Llewellyn Tarot ~ 2 of Cups

If I could have just one physical sensation for the rest of my life it would be hugging. I love hugs.

I hugged Juan, the owner of of Rockcliffe Mansion in Hannibal Missouri a few days ago. Surprised the heck out of him but auto-response took over and I got a good one in return. This house set empty of residents for 43 years...still full of all it's furnishings. And most survived. Amazing.

Monday, September 24, 2018

Fool + Rudimentary Plan

Daily Draw: Llewellyn Tarot ~ Fool

This is no dummy walking off a cliff, but a dummy with sammiches, friends, a rudimentary plan. Sort of like us, on the road. Turkey sammiches today. Grand Island one goal.

Little city RV parks (Winterset today) are fun with about 25 spots. There were 400+ at Amana Colonies the day before. All good places to get steps in. Those old round GMC motorhomes? (1973-1978 RIP) There was a convention at the Amana Park. Way cute! There were two lime ones!

The oddest thing we've found? People pull into a park, get set up, go inside their rigs, shut the doors, and apparently do whatever they do at home. We thought we'd meet hundreds of people, run our gums, hear lots of interesting stories...not.

Sunday, September 23, 2018

Crikey

Daily Draw: Llewellyn Tarot ~ 8 of Swords

I have been pierced and flayed by this stance.
Can't even begin to understand myself.
The how and why of myself.

Or even why I'm blaming myself, an auto response.
Poor deluded Sharyn, trying to escape herself.
Wasting my money, wasting my time.

An hour later, still pissed off. Crikey.
Good thing tomorrow is a new day
---------------------------------------------

Even later. After walking a couple of miles I noticed these trees and their shadows. a fork in the road..every single step we take is individual, as good as a new day, as are our decisions.

Saturday, September 22, 2018

AI

Daily Draw: Zillich Tarot ~ 6 of Swords
Innovative thinking + philosophical and scientific perceiving.
A little above my pay grade in understanding. 
Bringing my brain fossil together with artificial intelligence?

I'm at AmazonSmile everyday checking out the books on BookBub.
Invariably the Amazon home page is awash in AI products. I don't comprehend a single one of them. Or how having any of them would enhance my daily life. But I've had a computer since 1996 and accepted its usefulness and ability to compute and draw a response in less than seconds. 

Perhaps I should do a reading on the subject...

Friday, September 21, 2018

Deluded And Eroded

Daily Draw: Zillich Tarot ~ 5 of Cups

Self-delusion, in a tattered gown. I've thought "you must be deluded" at myself. We can see so clearly when someone else says the earth is flat, but not so much when it is our own pet belief.

My self-confidence is eroded because of my ongoing memory problems and I spend a lot of time double and triple checking everything before I say it, and then wonder if it made sense, is it true, should I have checked again, thought harder.

PITA but I'll take what I have over the ash urn anyday. Even a tattered dress is better than no dress. And deluded, I can call it fine and who could say different?

Thursday, September 20, 2018

Tangled

Daily Draw: Zillich Tarot ~ 8 of Swords

Tangled in the minutiae.

So easy to get muddled up in the small stuff of life and forget to look up and track the big stuff.


Wednesday, September 19, 2018

Puff of Wind

Daily Draw: Zillich Tarot ~ 9 of Cups

Zillich equates this card with knowing and liking yourself and where you are, and also a sense of entitlement and arrogance.

I can understand that mix. I've worked hard to get to where I am today, mentally, physically, financially. I'm also oldish, weakish, tiredish. That is usually the price, because it takes a long time and a lot of sacrifice to get to the 9s.

I'm reminded by this card to encourage others struggling the same road, not sniff and walk off. To enjoy the bliss, never take what I have achieved for granted. It can all be gone in a puff of wind.

Tuesday, September 18, 2018

An Upright Place

Daily Draw: Zillich Tarot ~ Hanged Man

"suffering leads to enlightenment"  Zillich

Also explosive anger.
Observation can lead to enlightenment.
Which can also lead to hubris and judging.
Suffering can teach humility and empathy.

Enlightenment, humility, empathy. An upright place to be.

Monday, September 17, 2018

Cry Off

Daily Draw: Zillich Tarot ~ Chariot

"A symbiosis of shell and driver rushing toward the sun"  Zillich

That pretty well sums up yesterday. We've looked forward to visiting Mississippi and Louisiana for three years.

Well we cry off. We can't take it. We are big fat northern crybabies, tucking tail and running from 98 degrees (the weatherman says "feels like 106") with 98% humidity.

"You're a better man than I am, Gunga Din!" ~ Rudyard Kipling

Sunday, September 16, 2018

Tenth Chance

Daily Draw: Zillich Tarot ~ Ace of Coins

A well grounded beginning in the material world. Education, experience, maturity, Then comes what we've learned and gained from the three suits that have gone before. Critical thinking, heartfelt interest, and get 'er done mind set.

Seems so straightforward. Amazing how many ways we can screw up. Fortunately there is always a second chance, and tenth. As long as we stay willing adaptable and open.

Saturday, September 15, 2018

Possibilities

Daily Draw: Thoth Tarot ~ Star

"the inexhaustible possibilities of existence" Crowley

If we could remake ourselves, would we?
The first thing that comes to my mind is "what about all my stuff".

I'm still the person of 1970, 1990, only more so. To know what we'd renew as, we'd need to know what we aren't. This is a 'think all dayer' card of release, and renewal.

Friday, September 14, 2018

Happy

Daily Draw: Thoth Tarot ~ 4 of Cups

Pursuing happiness. It isn't likely to just fall in our lap. Or does it, and maybe we don't recognize it as being happy.

Small happys:
Shelling peas or snapping beans
needle and thread making stitches
My one cup of coffee
My two cups of tea
Being able to read books still, via Kindle app
If I wanted to I could call every single person I know
Honcho and Ash
Xavier and XingXing
Going on vacation
Getting back home
Electric light
Good sleep
I could go on all day. Happy is in the moment, joy is deeper and stays when happy is gone.

Thursday, September 13, 2018

Bedevil The Light

Daily Draw: Thoth Tarot ~ Sun

Are we the hijacker of our personal light, of the world's light? Are we so undeserving that the minute that lightness comes near us we begin working against it?

Honestly. Humans. We are worthy. It isn't illegal to enjoy and appreciate goodness, funny, joy, anticipation, to 'have a nice day'.

I had a day in the light yesterday, but I kept dampening it by thinking how could I when children are incarcerated, when homes are abandoned, when families are killed by family.

None of that is my fault, nor could I possibly do anything to correct the ill of the world. But here I sit worrying over everything.  Hokey Smokes Bullwinkle. Humans.

Wednesday, September 12, 2018

Meant Well

Daily Draw: Thoth Tarot ~ 2 of Swords

Meant well.
I'd do it again.
So why stress over the results/fallout?

Tuesday, September 11, 2018

Choice Vs Surrender

Daily Draw: Thoth Tarot ~ 6 of Wands

Setbacks and persevering.
If it were easy everyone would do it.
In for the long haul.

I'm thinking Weight Watchers this morning, my current battle, but it applies to anything worth doing. There will be times when we think something is impossible and times when we wonder can it really be this easy.

One route to success is to recognise random and unexpected victories. This is probably where the crowded field of those who try and those who prevail part company. A matter of choice vs. surrender.

Monday, September 10, 2018

First Laugh

Daily Draw: Thoth Tarot ~ 2 of Coins

Wait a minute it will change. That is what we say about the weather in the Pacific Northwest. The Minors are like that and nowhere more so that the Coins. The 2s are industrious but unreliable. I'm sure I've been described that way at some early point.

A financial funny on myself; I had to write a note to my bank this morning to ask how to use my debit card at a 'not my bank' to punch out some cash. Am I the only person that unknowledgeable? Oh well, it will be their first laugh of the week...

Sunday, September 9, 2018

Enough is Enough

Daily Draw: Thoth Tarot ~ 10 of Coins

I've heard it takes three generations to make a fortune and one generation to go through it.
There seem to be a lot of people who've taken a shortcut to wealth in these times. Many of today's crop of stars seem to be paid by the wheelbarrow load. Paid for being a celebrity. That boggles my mind.

I'm reminded by this card, I am glad to be who what and where I am.

Saturday, September 8, 2018

Paced

Daily Draw: Runic Tarot ~ Ace of Wands

Coiled to spring...I like sudden turns, new ideas, quick action.

On the other hand I need a warning to get ready for fartin' around, dwalding, poking along.

We are coiled to say goodbye to Missouri and spring into Tennessee this morning, where we stay in place and poke around for a few days.

Friday, September 7, 2018

Daylight Is Burning

Daily Draw: Runic Tarot ~ Eolh/Algiz

Who protects and who endangers?
What serves and what takes?
When are we comforted and when overwhelmed?
What structures and what destructs our lives?
Why can we have all the above in a day?

Life, lived a mile a minute, even when sitting still.
Daylight is burning.

Thursday, September 6, 2018

Innie Outtie

Daily Draw: Runic Tarot ~ Queen of Cups/Beltane

Vision. Is it a curse or a gift that we cannot see ourselves as others do?

I'd like to be on the outside looking in for a day. Good or bad, it would be a eye opener and a life changer.

Wednesday, September 5, 2018

Truths

Daily Draw: Runic Tarot ~ 9 of Swords

"he convinces us of his truths"  Smith/Astrop

I'm not going there today, I'm on vacation. What is true...
our Midwest is muggy.
Multiple lightnings do light up the whole sky.
Thunder does roll on and on.
The sky here is gorgeous, we forget, at home we are walled in by trees and mini and maxi mountains.
No one in America should be hungry, the crop fields stretch forever.
Every state and town has both tourist and traveler hot spots.
Today it is the Pony Express Museum.

Tuesday, September 4, 2018

Nuking Marshmallows

Daily Draw: Runic Tarot ~ 4 of Wands

What do I still do, that I did in childhood?

I've always liked to go in grocery stores in different places. Two new ones here in Lincoln, Shopko and HyVee. I found a new veg, canned yellow squash. Can't get that at home.
Rain tapping on the roof, with a good book. Marlfoxes in Redwall.
Skipping breakfast. I don't because it sets me up to overeat later.
Hug on cats.  Ash and Honcho are the bees knees!
Still hate talking on the phone. I think it was the eleven families on a party line that killed the wonder of speaking into space.

Eating marshmallow with a fork. Twenty or so mini-marshmallows in a bowl, topped with a tablespoon of butterscotch chips, nuked for thirty seconds.

Monday, September 3, 2018

Red

Daily Draw: Runic Tarot ~ 4 of Swords

We are in Lincoln Nebraska where everyone and everything seems to be Cornhusker Red. As we mentally say goodbye to Rob's mom this week our minds are on dissimilar paths.

I asked Rob to tell me something funny or fun about his mom. With barely a beat he said "there isn't anything". I said "Really?". And he said "she was just, mom".

I remember her coming home from her daughter taking her up to the top of the Seattle Space Needle. She said every single person in the elevator was dressed in red. The Cornhuskers were in town. So they had a picture taken of all them in the elevator, showing the two of them being the spare wheels on the Cornhuskers are in town ride.

Sunday, September 2, 2018

Change

Daily Draw: Runic Tarot ~ Eoh

Change is the only consistency in life,
and what we most resist.
Humans. The most interesting people on earth.

Saturday, September 1, 2018

Begin Again

Daily Draw: Tarot of the Spirit ~ 9 of Wands/Fire

The apex of all is right in our personal Thoth world. On the scale of the Majors, this might be akin to all the noise all over the world when World War Two was officially ended. As a Minor card it might be getting the license or diploma, finishing a big project. Even all the lights are green all day long.

I'm reminded by this card the apex isn't all it is cracked up to be, more a nice resting place to savor something before we begin something new. Where the new excitement is, after relaxing on our laurels until boredom sets in.

Friday, August 31, 2018

Land of the What?

Daily Draw: Tarot of the Spirit ~ 9 of Cups/Water

"Rainbow Mirror = Self esteem, integrity" Eakins

This brings my mind back to a few weeks ago when I learned something about myself that appalled me. At the July antique car show, the DJ said to stop and listen while the national anthem played.

I thought instantly "oh good, I can take a knee in support of a true land of the free". Because unless you are a white male this isn't a free land. Everyone else faces discrimination every damn day.

And instantly my knees locked. All I could think was the big boots to my right would haul back and kick me in the side. And it would really really hurt. I'm still astounded at that fear. And ashamed, so ashamed.

Thursday, August 30, 2018

Release

Daily Draw: Tarot of the Spirit ~ 3 of Swords/Wind

With the three of Swords we are often challenged to release our conception of someone or something. I'm not surprised to see this card today as Rob's mother just surrendered, at 94, still mentally in the world right up to the last.

Hazel and I lived in each other's pocket for three years while I cared for Gene. I don't have the lifelong memories the kids have, but I do have insight into what made Hazel tick and I am glad I had the opportunity to know her on a deeper adult level. That grown up Hazel is who I am releasing, with affection.

Wednesday, August 29, 2018

Happy Place

Daily Draw: Tarot of the Spirit ~ 6 of Cups

Innocence. Experience experiences with new eyes.
Every time I travel across America I'm struck by how much space there is, miles and miles of just nature. Yet in the small town of Buffalo Wyoming we've encountered more wildlife than life in the wild. 

I'm reminded by this card the main law to remember is adapt. That was my key word in 2016. Life is all about recognizing change we can't control. Working with that realization can bring us to a happier place. Trying to fight the inevitable is exhaustive.