Land of the What?

Daily Draw: Tarot of the Spirit ~ 9 of Cups/Water

"Rainbow Mirror = Self esteem, integrity" Eakins

This brings my mind back to a few weeks ago when I learned something about myself that appalled me. At the July antique car show, the DJ said to stop and listen while the national anthem played.

I thought instantly "oh good, I can take a knee in support of a true land of the free". Because unless you are a white male this isn't a free land. Everyone else faces discrimination every damn day.

And instantly my knees locked. All I could think was the big boots to my right would haul back and kick me in the side. And it would really really hurt. I'm still astounded at that fear. And ashamed, so ashamed.

Release

Daily Draw: Tarot of the Spirit ~ 3 of Swords/Wind

With the three of Swords we are often challenged to release our conception of someone or something. I'm not surprised to see this card today as Rob's mother just surrendered, at 94, still mentally in the world right up to the last.

Hazel and I lived in each other's pocket for three years while I cared for Gene. I don't have the lifelong memories the kids have, but I do have insight into what made Hazel tick and I am glad I had the opportunity to know her on a deeper adult level. That grown up Hazel is who I am releasing, with affection.

Happy Place

Daily Draw: Tarot of the Spirit ~ 6 of Cups

Innocence. Experience experiences with new eyes.
Every time I travel across America I'm struck by how much space there is, miles and miles of just nature. Yet in the small town of Buffalo Wyoming we've encountered more wildlife than life in the wild. 

I'm reminded by this card the main law to remember is adapt. That was my key word in 2016. Life is all about recognizing change we can't control. Working with that realization can bring us to a happier place. Trying to fight the inevitable is exhaustive.

Death Pretending To Be Life

Daily Draw: Tarot of the Spirit ~ Death

"bare bones, ready to begin again"  Eakins

The living go on, taking the loss in like water takes in a stone.
Busy work takes over. Arrangements made, schedules organized, family chess pieces move, wishes and wills may or may not play a part.

But what is that limbo called when no one knows you are gone?
I've just finished Ghost Soldiers by Hampton Sides, the story of soldiers who survived the Bataan March. Death, clutching and claiming thousands upon thousands. Dead men walking, Death pretending to be life, years of it.

How can I complain about Anything?

Polarized

Daily Draw: Tarot of the Spirit ~ 2 of Wands/Fire

"Clear and polarized, strong new direction" Eakins

I had to refresh my memory on what polarized means because it sounds like a dirty word when we hear it  now. I guess it is movement and growth when words change meaning.

I'll always think of flip-flops as thongs. We got a new pair each summer, rubber, and about August the big toe area would be paper thin and the thong itself would be popping out willy-nilly so it was three steps, lean down and put the thong back, three steps, repeat.

Sport shoes will always be tenny-runners. Probably dumbed down from tennis shoes. Purchased at Keds. Black high tops for the boys, low tops for the girls. Two of Wands, two feet, two shoes, going in one direction. Polarized.

Mental Attic

Daily Draw: PetraK Tarot ~ Prince of Swords

The blade whishs and whacks away, but the power is the handle, without it the blade is good for a souvenir or opening envelopes.

How many things in our life are critical and then at some point are just relegated to the mental attic?

I've been able to put my own handle and blade back into working order this year, clipping back overgrown stuff and slicing off extraneous. It will never be quite right, but just working is good enough for me.

Here, Before

Daily Draw: PetraK Tarot ~ 3 of Swords

Each day as we pass through America via I-90, we see crosses, collections of balloons, artificial flowers, on the roadside. Places were someone's loved one has died in a auto wreck.

Washington has regulations (believe it or not...more government regulations), as they are a distraction to drivers who are driving and  busy texting...but they go up anyway. Because people are still dying and survivors are still grieving.

I like seeing them, it means someone is remembering, thousands of people, that there was a live human being here, before. That even strangers give a glancing thought to.

Wrist Magic

Daily Draw: PetraK Tarot ~ 7 of Coins

Wedged and stuck. One is free, up and off spinning.
When we were little (and dirt was new) we made our own fun. One way was to stand in a doorway with our wrists pressed to the jambs. After a minute we'd let go and our wrists would rise like magic. I don't know the science behind it but it was release, writ large.

I can sit here and feel the lift via memory.If we're the wedged and stuck, we have the imagination and wit to unstick. Effort is what is called for, an Olympic worthy burst.

Freely Rooted

Daily Draw: PetraK Tarot ~ Star

Free at top, deeply rooted. Doesn't that sound. Safe?
Stuck?
Trapped?
Strained?
Stressful?
Pinched?
Perilous?
Claustrophobic?
Narrow mindish?

edited to add 8/24/18: from Brian Browne Walker's blog
Going straight to the root is the hallmark of the Buddha; picking up leaves and collecting branches is no use at all. Most people don’t know the pearl that answers all wishes. Yung Chia

Mind Shift

Daily Draw: PetraK Tarot ~ Universe

Long day, 600 300 450 miles of forest fire smoke, camps, equipment, blocked roads. Tucked in a lovely little park now, tea water just boiled, we'll live.

When I drew the Universe card this morning I was surprised. I don't feel like I've come full cycle and back to the Fool. I feel like I've been knocked back to the start of the minors with the Ace of Wands.

I had a life changing mind shift Sunday. If you'd asked me Saturday what I was afraid of, I would have said nothing, and meant it. I've spent the time since counting up the things I'm afraid of, but on the top, I'm ashamed. I don't think I really knew what that meant before.

Distance. Guaranteed.

Daily Draw: PetraK Tarot ~ 5 of Coins

Worries beyond worries. It is so bad the top worries are falling off because new worries are pushing up from the bottom. Been there done that. My best advice? Distance. It helps put things in perspective. From a two hour walk, to a overnight, to a three day tour, to snowbirding...

That might be too easy. We like to hang on and obsess, like being hungry and choosing a rotten fruit over a fresh one. I paid for it, I have to eat it mentality.

Soon we'll be outta here, heading east via wide and looping roads. I feel guilty only having little niggling worries, but I know by day two even those will have faded.

Interaction

Daily Draw: PertaK Tarot ~ Knight of Cups

Ready and willing when it comes to public interaction. What a gift. I was paralytically shy when I was a kid and young adult. I've read that many actors are shy, I wonder how they settled on their career choice. I've never heard of a shy politician.

I searched the blog and find I've written about being shy eleven other times going back to 2007. I'm far from shy now, but expect the shadow remains and affects any social action I'm involved in.

Life. Always something old that is something new that is something old.

Nonessentials

Daily Draw: PetraK Tarot ~ 7 of Swords

The central sword is the goal, the others are distractions and irritants. (PetraK) Ain't it the truth. Candy for the monkey brain...

In a general way, distractions can also be part of the journey. We looked for a picture to hang above our fireplace for several years. All those little Art In The Park shows, the various roadside galleries, way fun. We picked up knowledge about the craft which makes us appreciate the artist and the picture we finally purchased all the more.

Knowing the difference between irritant and information is part and parcel of being an adult.

Shred and Fluff

Daily Draw: Hermetic Tarot ~ Ace of Coins

Materiality in all forms. What about the other end? There are huge dump trucks dedicated to just hauling 'fluff' to the landfills, the soft parts of vehicles. Load after load after load.  Bale after bale of A and B plastic, not often recyclable any more. The tailings from marijuana growers, yeah, they make garbage too. Contaminated dirt, miles of trucks hauling household garbage, delivering the impossible to be buried, never to break down.

A ray of light, 'shred' from the metal auto parts is being turned into steel fence posts.

And America is worried about plastic drinking straws. Sometimes you just have to laugh to keep from crying.

Modest Dominion

Daily Draw: Hermetic Tarot ~ 6 of Swords

"Modest Dominion" Dowson

What an interesting turn of phrase. My dominion in retirement stops at the front gate. Dominion of my Jeep stops at the door. Pretty small holdings.

I love it. No angst, no aggravation, no time constrictions, no have to be somewhere, no herding, no folding, no stapling, no spindling. I earned it, I love it.

Overlapping Or Veering?

Daily Draw: Hermetic Tarot ~ Universe

Completed. Or Uncompleted. I wonder if I weighed my current life status would I be evenly balanced like this card. Card number 21. The last or highest card of the tarot majors. Or is it? The Fool is unnumbered; as long as we are living the cycles revolve, the little things repeating.

We've eaten or we haven't. We've paid the utility bill or we haven't,
our life overlaps, one petal of a fractal.

The screen potato and the runner aren't much different, their clock keeps the same time and both return to where they started. Both would have a story to go with the time spent. But the screen potato's story is written by someone else, the runner's is self directed. I wonder what I could throw into my day different from every other day? Am I able to even think beyond my own repeating fractal and veer off?

Self

Daily Draw: Hermetic Tarot ~ 4 of Swords

Clenched fists, clenched teeth, it is all the same, time to step back, step away.

I'm reminded by this card of how often I've done that and how well it works. We get so wound up in the things we are involved in; perfectly nice people get on our nerves; we lay awake having just thought of the perfect "I should have said...".

But in truth, it is often me that is the problem, not everyone else. Too much self. Take a break, it is good for what ails us.

Nothin'

Daily Draw: Hermetic Tarot ~ Knight of Cups

I got nothin'. Even after seven hours. So be it good knight..

Good Of All

Daily Draw: Hermetic Tarot ~ 10 of Wands

"Excessive pressure, or efforts toward selfish ends" Dowson

I can't think of an example at the moment, but energy expended toward selfish ends is sure ringing a bell behind my brain.
It is funny that we do this, because to the people looking on or listening that selfish effort is totally obvious.

I'm reminded by this card in some areas I have grown up, moved on, got less self-centered, more in tune with the good of all.

Believe What They Think

Daily Draw: Hermetic Tarot ~ Chariot

The small book that accompanies this deck is as densely packed as the images. Most of the information is over my head. But I recognize the word equilibrium. Dowson's  Chariot is still, The charioteer and the mode of motion are still, alert, balanced.

I like that word, equilibrium. I might choose that for my 2019 word of the year. It seems a good stepping off point from my 2018 word, Reality.

I'm reading  Stalingrad: The Fateful Siege: 1942-1943 by Antony Beevor. 530 densely packed pages with no equilibrium at all. With leaders who believe what they think. And a chariot off the rails.

A+

Daily Draw: Green Fairy Tarot ~ 7 of Wands

If you do something differently does it mean you are doing it wrong? No. Though often it just  makes more work because it doesn't work, and someone has usually already tried it and found the same poor results.

The ability to think outside the box is one of humankind's strongest and most valuable traits, combined with the memory of what has gone before.

My laptop keyboard 5 and S are kaput, and quite a few work intermittently. I took it to a computer friend and had him order a new keyboard and resigned myself to on-screen tap pause tap tap. Maybe five words a minute. Then he pulled out a usb keyboard...I felt a utter dolt. I have one upstairs and typing on them is a dream. Old school. Old technology. A+.

Death Of Red

Daily Draw: Green Witch Tarot ~ Death/Lord of Shadows

I've joined a new group this week. All the colored hair is now cut off and I am officially gray. Or silver. Or white. Pretty big step for a hairdresser who had colored her hair red for forty years.

There was a point in winter when the grow out didn't bother. So I didn't color. I read in a supermarket check out magazine that when there is a big change in life a woman's hairstyle makes a change also. With photos of examples. It was a cool article. I thought about that this week.

I expect both external and internal changes fueled my own transformation. All good. I'm still the shell, but warning, put your sunglasses on when I approach. Shiny!

Credit Due

Daily Draw: Green Fairy Tarot ~ Page of Wands

"exploring new territory or responsibility
setting the stage for later changes"  Moura

Interesting how when we do or try something totally new to us, the ability to make that leap seems so iffy. Yet we have amazing ability's we've never even drawn on, based on everything we've already done.

We don't give ourselves enough credit for having a good brain, for working out problems and opinions, for being a credit to the adult world.

Fine Tuning

Daily Draw: Green Witch Tarot ~ 4 of Cups

Petulant. Nose bent out of shape. Cross. Bored. Up to no good.
Mulling things over. Looks like a little snot doesn't she.

Moura sees this card as satiation, too much of a good thing. That is only hairsbreadth from restless going into ruthless in my world. Today that is the way I feel about my blog.

Tomorrow? Who knows what I'll be petulant about. I think it is a natural state for humans unless we are in the type of situation you might find in a active war zone or land of starvation. Certainly time to shuck off the immaterial and fine tune the real goods.

I Can But Try

Daily Draw: Green Witch Tarot ~ Strength/Standing Stone

The ability to weigh and balance
The discretion to harm none
The agility to walk a path when so many options present

Pretty simple.
I can but try.

Ritual or Routine?

Daily Draw: Green Witch Tarot ~ High Priest

A life of rituals. Do we make them, do we conscript someone else's? Are newly formed ones just as good as the ancient ones? Are they confining or empowering? What differs a routine from ritual?

Last fall one of the prettiest plants on the property was a perennial going dormant. We've had it at least twenty years, have moved it at least six times, it is a wonder it has survived at all. I resolved to mark it's progress this year and have taken a photo on each sabbat.

By doing this in a ritual manner I've elevated that plant's importance in my mind. I admire it every time I go by now and can't help but remark on the growth of the new forsythia near it. Which has caused me to finally get the rusty seat on the rusted hay rake to the right. Which has gotten a hydrangea planted behind it which will be glorious when it and rake become one.

So is it ritual or routine that elevates an action?

Advanced Civilization

Daily Draw: Green Witch Tarot ~ Queen of Cups

An empathetic and sensitive person who could easily become the target of bullies.

Bullies are nothing new, the internet didn't birth them, it just created a much wider target for spewing their invective. And groups where they can hang out while egging each other on.

Honestly, this is the best advanced civilization has to offer?

Hardwired

Daily Draw: Harmonious Tarot ~  5 of Swords

Parting ways.
Do we stay because we have to, or want to?
Do we go because we need to, must do?

I've always moved on because I wanted to, but each physical or mental move left a part of me behind. Sometimes the better part.
There is always a price paid, but there is also rewards earned even if we didn't know they existed. Going forward is hardwired into my nature.

Starry Hands

Daily Draw: Harmonious Tarot ~ Star

Don't judge me because I'm prone to pettiness. I drew Judgement this morning, crossed my eyes and put it back in the deck. Not because I refuse Judgement, but the Harmonious image confounds me. Sidetracks me. Leads me down a trail of speculation.

As did the Star. Completely sidetracked from intuition and self nourishment, I want to know what her hands are touching. Which led me off in several directions, including Walter Crane images. I found Aidan Turner. Which is another direction entirely.

Well never mind, I do need to make a project that is going to be total guesswork. I'll pretend my intuition has kicked in and blunder along. But what the heck are her hands touching?

Paragon

Daily Draw: Harmonious Tarot ~ Queen of Wands

The president of the parent-teacher association, the Teamsters and VFW auxiliary,  the community fairs, her church...that is the way I view this queen. On the ball, organized, all fingers in all pots. Invaluable to the groups she serves/ramrods.

The down side to this paragon? She dilutes the home queen. Nothing left for home. Is it worth it? Haven't a clue, she is as far from me as you can get. But I can admire her for what she gets done.