Sunday, March 31, 2019

Shape or be Shaped

Songs for the Journey Home Tarot ~ 9 of Wands/Flame Songs

From the book: Exhilaration and personal satisfaction. Launching into expressive endeavours.
Not the norm of a bandaged man holding or being hold by the fort. But the reason why? Because he knows there is more to life and he will be getting back to it?

This yolk is the ability to not be trapped, molded, pinched, stupefied, by the expectations and intent of the mundane. I was allowing the world to shape my thoughts rather than ensuring I form the shape of my world. Proof I'll never be too old to learn.                                                 

Saturday, March 30, 2019

Tinged and Tainted

Peanuts Tarot ~ Star

What do you think of when Renewal comes to mind? Following on the Tower and Temperance, what am I to think but Wake Up? Sooner, not later.

I've implemented more changes this month, for the better, I assure myself, yet plans tinged by hope are tainted by expectations. Pity we have no way of knowing where the ripples go except in hindsight. 

Friday, March 29, 2019

Straws

Peanuts Tarot ~ Temperance

Straws. Why ban straws as a big stride in ecological good works. No plastics are being accepted for recycle, and the bales that used to be remade are now being deposited by the semi load at the big regional landfills.

Straws. Really. What about the billions of water bottles. Milk cartons. Over Packaged 'stuff', from toothbrushes to scissors to toys. The cheaper the item the thicker the shell packaging. Where is the Temperance in that? We could make a real difference...if we weren't so complacent. Someone else's problem, some day.

Thursday, March 28, 2019

Burned

Peanuts Tarot ~ Tower

Oh Snoopy.
If you follow their life you know this isn't just a shell, it is full of Stuff! From a fandom site:  contains or has had attached the following: A TV antenna, a color TV set, a birdhouse, a recreation room, an air-conditioning unit with extra door, space for seven children, a guest room, a pipe and deerstalker hat, a basement, a den, a closet with a faulty latch, a clock radio, an electrical outlet, carpeting, Snoopy's beloved Van Gogh painting, (replaced by an Andrew Wyeth painting when it was destroyed in a fire), a pool table, a stairway, boxes of empty soda bottles, more closets, flooring, counter tops, a library with fluorescent lights, a ceiling mural painted by Linus, a ping pong table, a potted philodendron, a basketball hoop and net, a shower, silver candlesticks, a grandfather clock, a cedar closet, books, LP records, a pair of pinking shears, ceramic tiles, a stairway, a set of dominoes, a photo album of every supper dish that Snoopy has owned, a postage meter, a servant's entrance, a teakettle, a picture of Tiny Tim, a stereo, a stained-glass window, a carpeted front hall, a bottle of cologne, a waffle iron, a supply of TV dinners, electric socks, a formal suit for a turn-about dance, a whirlpool bath, a downstairs refrigerator, a CB radio, an automatic door, a fishing pole, a hat for wearing whilst fishing, wading boots and bunk beds. A room with exercise equipment, sports equipment, lockers, awards and trophies; and a lab with a bunsen burner, flasks and distillation equipment.

The house was built in 1951, Burned in 1966. I've had friends who set about replacing every single thing, others that in the end were relieved in some respects. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. 

Wednesday, March 27, 2019

Tomboy

Peanuts Tarot ~ 2 of Swords/Spades

Peppermint Patty would be 53 this year. I wonder if being a tomboy powered any life altering decisions she might have made as a 10 year old?

I wonder if tomboy is even a politically incorrect term to use anymore. I always took it as a moment in time when we played rough and tumble games as opposed to tea parties and dolls. I never played with dolls, but was never described as a tomboy either.

I was shy though, and I'll bet decisions I made every day based on working with that handicap just solidified over the years into being a loner although now that isn't a place or person I want to be. Food for the day's thoughts. 

Tuesday, March 26, 2019

Sleeping On A Slope

Peanuts Tarot ~ Ace of Coins

What to do if you just have one?
Hard to explain seed money and interest to encourage a child to bank their allowance, it doesn't grow anymore. Seriously, how are children encouraged to save today?

What I've done when I've barely had a coin? Taken in ironing. Sold walnuts from our tree. Sold stuff of course. Scoured behind couch cushions, taking out the wash machine agitator usually garnered a buck or two. Bartered. Coat pockets. All this assumes I have a base to start from and am actively job hunting. I've seen times when 200 people would show up for a waitress opening.

The banks of the interstate running through Portland Oregon now has homeless camps all along it. I've never see this before. Have you ever tried to sleep on a slope? The logistics of this particular solution of where to stay flummox me. 

Monday, March 25, 2019

Jerkee and Jerkor

Peanuts Tarot ~ 7 of Swords/Spades

Trust issues.
We earn our suspicious natures, having been tricked, led astray, lied to, fooled, jerked around, again. You'd think we'd be smarter younger, and maybe we were.

And false modesty to think we're always the jerkees, never the jerkors. Linus has two shovel types, one for digging/getting, one for scooping/taking, food for thought in those choices. From which shovel are we feeding?

My father-in-law asked me what I wanted from his estate and I said I'd always loved his shovel collection. Utility in so many shapes. I remember him with love every time I reach for one. You always knew where you stood with him. 

Sunday, March 24, 2019

Assigning Value

Peanuts Tarot ~ 4 of Cups

Is that which we hold dear our treasure?
Or do we think we treasure everything we hold?

Setting aside living things, enough to eat, shelter,
of everything you own, if all you can keep is what you can hold,
what would it be?

Laying not asleep in the night I realized there are four room length  cupboards above the closets. And I haven't a clue if there is anything in them at all. I've been through them before in the downsizing process, once my side held twenty years of quilt magazines, at some point clothes that were too small or too big, maybe old tax records. Now? Not a clue. That is my goal today, discover treasure that needs to come out, there is space all over the house to show it now. Or take it to the dump, which is surely what those who empty our home after we are finished with life will do. 4 of Coins, always gives value. 

Saturday, March 23, 2019

Necessity or Option?

Ananda Tarot ~ 10 of Wands/Flames

In Thothy-speak, oppression. This can be unjust treatment or control, or mental pressure or distress. For me this often relates to the weight of Stuff, and the impetus for years of downsizing what I worked so hard and spent so many dollars to gather. I've been at it for nineteen years, and like anything practiced, letting go of Stuff is a process at which I've become quite skilled.

My cousin has chosen to do something with her boxes of paper napkins, collected since she was ten years old. Accepting they have less than zero value to anyone else in the world, they are dear to her heart. Just deciding to do something about/with them is a step, when they have become oppression rather than pleasure, stuff rather than treasure trove.

I wish her well and honor her effort. 10 of Wands, telling us to move along, the load is not a necessity but an option. 

Friday, March 22, 2019

Frankendecken

Ananda Tarot ~ 8 of Cups

Pouring out outmoded mindsets.
"It's a process." Billy Crystal, Analyze That

In 2010 a co-operative Frankendecken Tarot was assembled, 78 cards, each from a different deck. I've had the compiled CD since then. Haven't even looked at it.

Yesterday, with a new color ink cartridge I let the idea go that it was too expensive to print Franken. I had to exercise my brain to figure out how to do it, it's been Years since I've printed out something besides an invoice or confirmation or short PDF. I'm excited to trim my new deck today, I might take my scissors and corner trimmer and go down to the marina and sit in the sun, examine each card from four different perspectives...and think about what else I haven't done, that I could do. Pouring out, filling in. 

Thursday, March 21, 2019

Harmony

Ananda Tarot ~ 3 of Wands/Flames

I've banged on for years  about balance, but it's often forced, unnatural, giving up one thing to have another. It is good to recognize and do, it gives us power over our days, builds character as mother would say.

But. And there is always the dreaded but...I  recognize in my year word Equilibrium there is harmony, the oft forgotten part of the trio. In this Cone of Silence I've donned, shutting out the whole discord of the world, little corners of my brain are unfolding, small soft voices being allowed to speak I'm not sure I knew were there.

Have I set off a doomsday machine in my mind? Can we cope with knowing who we are rather than who we think we are? 

Wednesday, March 20, 2019

Ostara

Ananda Tarot ~ 10 of Spheres                     Art by Amanda Jane Clark


Full moon and spring equinox, a 10 of Spheres day indeed. 
When we want little, much is found. 

Tuesday, March 19, 2019

Embellished Brain

Ananda Tarot ~ 8 of Swords

In the Thothy tradition this is Interference but I'm not catching that vibe here. Going to the companion book I'm finding octagons and baptismal fonts. Ehh? And, the mind can set us free or, because we work so hard at it, misdirect and disguise allowing us to misunderstand and deny.

I sent a bunch of gifts out this week and one came back as refused. Lip trembling, pretty sure as a Witness, she'd finally got around to shunning me. Figuring a sword to the heart was better than a misdirected mind I scanned it and emailed her asking what was up. She had no idea and was her usual best friend self.

How much of our bad times come from self-embellished mental interference? 

Monday, March 18, 2019

Crow and Kit

Ananda Tarot ~ 5 of Wands/Flames

The 5 of Wands speaks of practice conflict, training, games that teach us how to protect, not maim...But this hand swipe makes me wonder how many piles of unintentional (or was it) hurt I've left behind me as I've moved through life with my smartass mouth.

I worked hard to leave behind crippling eggshell sensitivity, turned myself into a tough old crow with impenetrable heart. Yet time has had the last laugh and here I am again, back where I started, not sleeping because some animal may be hungry, some child might have a too tight sock cutting off circulation.

In the daytime I'm still the crow with a big stick, but at night I'm the abandoned kit with no tools at all. 

Sunday, March 17, 2019

Perspective

Ananda Tarot ~ 2 of Coins

I can talk about equilibrium all I want but perspective is what has been in short supply. I've gotten smarter this past month, standing so far back from the world as to be removed.

This is a good thing. A good lesson, reminder, kick in the pants. The world doesn't need me, but I don't need it either. In all the ways that have created havoc and harm anyway. 

Saturday, March 16, 2019

Bittersweet

Art of Life Tarot ~ 9 of Swords

I was so disappointed. I was crushed. I was gutted.
This card speaks of those times, when we curl up in a ball fleeing the circumstances entirely. Kick the refrigerator, punch the accelerator, scream at whoever is dumb enough to be closest.

Like the times we win, survive, come out on top, when grabbing a passing stranger in a hug seems the most natural thing to do. Moments to savor and remember. Moreso because we know the gutted times, the balance between the two become part of a bittersweet existence shared by humanity. Which ones we allow to pierce and drain and which we allow to fill are what shape our days and years. 

Friday, March 15, 2019

Falala Bucket

Art of Life Tarot ~ 6 of Coins

My dad was a good samaritan sort of guy all his life. 
In the early 70's, on the way home from work there was a wreck right in front of him. He stopped, the parents were dead, there was a little boy who survived. Dad pulled him out, wrapped him in his coat and they sat and waited for first responders. Back then, someone had to stop at a shop or house and call for help, it took awhile. 

That wait with that little boy haunted my dad for years. I've often wondered if the boy had any memory of the day at all and if he ever wondered who that man was, who wrapped him in his coat and then his arms and was just, there. 

Giving can come with a cost, it isn't all putting anonymous coins in a falala bucket. 

Thursday, March 14, 2019

Invigorate and Unsettle

Art of Life Tarot ~ 2 of Wands

In very subtle but striking ways my life is evolving differently since I had my Slip Away time.

The process of gifting myself time to think, or rather forcing myself into a corner where I have to think, has offered new directions. On old streets. I don't know where I'm going, but I'm glad I took the turning.

Reacquainting myself with an younger version of Sharyn has been reinvigorating in an intimidating and unsettling way...did I ever really take the time to do all this stuff? When did I quit? Why did I quit, when did I get to the point where so many things didn't matter anymore? 

Wednesday, March 13, 2019

Unbridled, Something.

Art Of Life Tarot ~ Judgment

There is a line by Peter Davison in Death in Paradise that says "we sit behind our laptop in our pants and...", it always makes me laugh because it is such an odd thing to say. But like Judgment, we lurk behind our skull wall and judge our brains out based on our own peculiarities.

I've always thought individually we are all loose cannons, our minds get up to tricks that wouldn't make sense in the light of cold logic. But I've had faith in our people as a nation to find the center ground where common sense lives, one of our greatest strengths.

I've lost that bedrock and I feel like this head on the moon, with too much space for, I don't know, unbridled, something. I'm frightened. Which is foolish, the world doesn't owe me common sense. 

Tuesday, March 12, 2019

Flat Wheels

Art Of Life Tarot ~ Chariot

In 1878 how daring was it to go up in this balloon? To get on a ship from Europe, go around the bottom of the world, and beach on an island in the Pacific? Yet at that moment in time it was both modern, done, and therefore the norm. Space flight is probably the only real adventure now that hasn't been done to death by everyone's neighbor and their dogs.

Yet none of the three even in 2019 are what I'd chose to do. Does my life Chariot have flat wheels? No wheels? Sitting here thinking, my Chariot is my mind and that travel only seems limited to what I'm willing to fuel it with. And there are a lot of places I just won't go. I don't want dirt in my brain, or more pain in my heart, or wants I can't fill. My balloon might lift a mouse. I'm dissatisfied with that but I recognize I have limits. And that is a good place for me to be. 

Monday, March 11, 2019

Too Small For Heavy Work

Art of Life Tarot ~ 4 of Swords

Pioneer farms, no fences, Townies, with survival livestock. Children too small to do heavy work or school had the job of grazing them. My father-in-law walked their milk cow a few miles to a public field and creek and spent the day there with her, then walked her home every night to the back yard.

Talk about no mind clutter...was clarity a result? An admirable quilter, Grace McCance Snyder (1882-1992) had this childhood job, she took a lard tin with bits of fabric, needle, and thread with her. Went on to make world famous quilts. If we still our minds, then bestir our stumps, imagine what we could accomplish.  

Sunday, March 10, 2019

Freaked, Squirming, Flustered

Art of Life Tarot ~ 8 of Coins

A painting of Van Gogh painting, by Paul Gauguin.

I freaked out when other hairdressers asked me to do their hair.
I squirm when other quilters look closely at my quilts.
I get flustered when Rob, a professional driver, rides with me.

I wonder why that is, when I am confident in my skills.
When it is just me anyway. 

Saturday, March 9, 2019

Brain Tangles

Druid Animal Oracle ~ Blackbird

The Gateway, and the inner call. Hidden motivations, and potential. A veritable banquet of words, a day's worth of rumination. Hidden motivations. Scary to go there.

Looking further into the ogham Rowan:
Physical: distinguish good from bad, harm from help.
Mental: remain mindful, not swayed, tricked or beguiled.
Spiritual: use strengths to hold purpose and serenity.

Rather than on the face of stone, ogham was written around the edges. The edge being the backbone of each letter. The hidden in plain sight motivation of location. My brain tangles; do I have hidden motivations? The advice of the ogham will surely  root it out, pound it to a pulp, let it be slung away. 

Friday, March 8, 2019

Cattails And Cabin Fever

Druid Animal Oracle ~ Salmon

The ogham is nGĂ©adal, the sedge, reed, bulrush, cattail. In modern times ignored or named weed. In not so distant times a natural food source.

I've been thinking about basics this week, contemplating the roots of conundrums, an oxymoron? I can complicate matters rapidly, thinking too much. Reversing the process also requires thinking.

Winter. Cabin fever. Take a ride on the fresh air express.  I need to walk the seven miles it takes to mow my lawn. Go down to the slough to look at cattails, brown and rustling, listen for the return of the red wing blackbirds there. 

Thursday, March 7, 2019

This Votive Offering

Druid Animal Oracle ~ Owl

Those little keyfobs? Votive offerings. (from wiki: objects displayed or deposited, without the intention of recovery or use), often sacred in intent.

My first experience with this was in a Native Peoples cemetery on the Bella Coola Road, British Columbia as a little kid. Grave goods, pirate treasure to my child mind, but dad set me straight about their honor and sacredness, to leave them be. Made a deep impression and I seem to have always done it myself since, leaving special things behind at gravestones and in nature.

Not for me to be remembered but to hold in my own memory, this person was unique, this tree is a miracle. This spot, this token holds part of my Earth heart. 

Wednesday, March 6, 2019

Be The Grain

Druid Animal Oracle ~ Stag

My eye is drawn to the conical peak. Usually one-off in a landscape. This was probably already old in Druid times, 2nd century BC; new construction in world time.

You and I could chose to be druids, Druidism being a shamanic religion. with courses being offered. A hot business today, spiritual training up. With levels to keep your cash coming back.

I have no truck with religion, and not a competitive bone in my body so the challenge of getting to be the Stag is outside my realm of understanding. But I do always, daily, consistently, strive to be better than I was the day before.  Which proves I'm no better, no worse, no different than the entire world population. Be the grain of sand Sharyn, be the grain. But be the best grain you can be. 

Tuesday, March 5, 2019

Rethinking Thinks

Druid Animal Oracle ~ Bee

I see a stone foot at the gateway to the mead circling hall. I'm supposed to notice the heather and Ur ogham.

I'm reminded by this card I often see what I expect to see at the exclusion of what might really be there, form my opinions, and get all het up, when more open minded observation might better serve.

I'll take comfort in our blue sky and sun this day, that a few bees still remain, rethink some of my thinks. Just because I seem to have chosen to be nonplussed and horrified doesn't mean I must be. Reaffirming a harmful mindset doesn't seem in accord with this card. A bee goes about it's business, man makes mead, life goes on. So should I. Peacefully. It can't be that hard.

Monday, March 4, 2019

X Tinct

Druid Animal Oracle ~ Frog

Mamals. Inscets. Anfibians. Carreening toward extinction.
So much to worry about, at this date too late to reverse.
So I'll worry about the four words above with glaring red lines under them. Is spell check extincting my brain?

I doubt it, folk got along with an X for a signature, no sweat, didn't mean they weren't smart, just undereducated. And yes, that is my stab at those four words. Pitious.

My personal extinction goal today is the last box of Rob's diesel engine manuals. Waiting in the 2019 queue. Now the VW Bug sized pile surrounding it is gone, doesn't look like much of a job at all. Then a milkcrate of vintage crochet patterns garnered from a 1972 ad in the Valley Times Newspaper. Also extinct. Life. Treasure every day. 

Sunday, March 3, 2019

See A Space

Druid Animal Oracle ~ Hawk

I've found hawk feathers. Meaning? Lighter, moving on.
Eighteen bookshelves. Empty. One half shelf w/seven quilt books, seven childrens books, a stack of journals, twenty-two bookends, obsolete.

Mentally I've accepted the reality of my bent eyes, and have moved on, knowing it could be so much worse. But I've wept a lot of tears over the loss of my physical books. Me, who wouldn't be caught dead crying.

Dusting all that empty space yesterday, I had a idea. My down-to-the-end-of-the-fabric strings are sorted by color in clear shoeboxes. Wouldn't they be pretty on the bookshelves at the entrance of the quilt room?

See a space, fill it up. The found feather, the American Way.

Saturday, March 2, 2019

1/2 A Cent Each

Tarot Egyptien Oracle of the Dames ~ Queen of Coins
#65 A relative who lives in the country is very rich and will send gifts.

If only! I don't believe I have any rich relatives, but then the idea of rich is all relative isn't it? There is always someone who has more than we do so they seem rolling in it. And I'm always impressed at how little we can live on if we put our mind to it or circumstances require.

I was late beginning my journey to common sense financial stewardship. It is the petty thinker me that sabotages big bucks...Rob loves his paper goods and he uses paper towels in crazy ways. As cutting boards for one. Drying the silverware for another. A few twists to start his garage stove. I have a stack of cutting boards and a fresh tea towel is always at the ready. We drown in junk paper.

So I worked out what his individual paper towel cost, ready to beard the lion for sheer wastefulness. 1/2 a cent each is what I came up with, maybe  5 cents a day. And it gives him so much pleasure to have his stash. There are 100% better ways to direct my budgetary ideas... 

Friday, March 1, 2019

Vituperative

Tarot Egyptien Oracle of the Dames ~ Prudence

There she and her viper are, facing forward, yet looking backwards in her mirror, still all ready to be vituperative. What has happened is done, no do overs, just consequences. Get off the cross, we need the wood, maybe he will do us all a favor and drop dead.

My winter out-of-the-loop vacation was good, got the hall and entry painted, bathroom (red!) is finished, new led lights, dug out old pictures and hung them (NW Indian art), kitted up a whole sunflower quilt for travel time, cleaned and touched up things that haven't had attention for years, proactive progress in getting ahead of my eyes. Written at least six letters. Read a dozen or more books, some thought provoking, some already forgotten...The 52-Hertz whale haunts my thoughts.

New favorite app? Veraxen JigSaw. Purchased so I can use my own photos, and favorites from the web so the difficulty can be minimal or to the point of self abusive

Could I live without the internet and it's unrelenting bad news and complete brain clutter? Absolutely. I'd miss bookbub. And email. And instant information when in info-junkie mode. Nothing else I can think of. Prudence, a good idea.