Wednesday, July 31, 2019

Pounce Scrub Replace Repeat

Illuminated Earth Oracle ~ Water

It would be nice to take a hose to our brain, and add a spin rinse for good  measure. Leave it all shiny, the shady and salty bits exposed and we could accept that all we hold onto is not gold but cobbled conclusions that serve no purpose but to cloud and deflect a good life. We deserve better than what we allow ourselves.

I have several pockets of stale energy that need scrubbed. If I can exorcise the rage that once consumed me, I can do the same here surely. I know it will take months, that I will need to be vigilant; pounce, scrub, replace, repeat. Until gone. Today, I pick one. And made some reminder sticky notes.

Tuesday, July 30, 2019

Make A Memory

Illuminated Earth Oracle ~ Memory

Haunted? Bent? Lifeline? Having walked with Rob's dad and my mother down the path of dementia leading to their deaths; losing their skill sets, personalities, piculariarities, and in the end their memory of self, I can attest, memory is who we are.

The deck creator warns against living in the past, good advice but I wonder if she has ever observed living without a past? I wonder what memory I'll carry away with me today? I can hardly wait to make some. 

Monday, July 29, 2019

Stick And String

Illuminated Earth Oracle ~ Fire

We are nestled up against the Naches River in a narrow canyon where native peoples have fished hunted camped for thousands of years. Rob caught four fish last night using his little Tenkara pole, the next thing to a stick and string. Just another day in paradise.

Just around the corner up the draw another ancient action is occurring. Forest fire. At full daylight the two Hueys will begin their rounds again, crossing back and forth over camp with their payloads of water scooped up just below us, dropped just forward of us. (click image to enlarge) About a ten minute round each. Stage Two, be prepared is the advice. Unless the smoke turns I'm staying...paradise is paradise.

Sunday, July 28, 2019

Action and Consequence

Illuminated Earth Oracle ~ Influence

Not sure I could name the planets but I know people who follow astrology and always know where their houses conjunct and why that is an influence.
Couldn't name every person who has influenced the direction my life has taken, probably don't even know some of them. There are hundreds though, perhaps thousands.

Actions and events? Huge influencers. My sister's death, two cancers, caring for my mother and Rob's father color this century in ways that still surprise me today.
There is no recycling here anymore, it all goes to the regional dumps. All the trillions these gray men are pouring into moon flights...can't any of them design a factory that actually reuses/remakes good recycle? Influence...action and consequence.

Saturday, July 27, 2019

Excessively Rudimentary

University Books RWS Tarot ~ Ace of Swords

"Excessive degree in everything, triumph of force" A.E. Waite

It has been an interesting week with Mr. Waite and his 1910 deck thoughts, designed as a project for the Golden Dawn and to go with his book Pictorial Key to the Tarot. On reflection of his words I wonder what he'd think of how the deck is used today by me. Watered down I expect. Uninformed I'm sure. Rudimentarily no doubt.

One thing we'd be in full agreement on, tarot is endlessly engaging, fun, and historically fascinating. Everything a good hobby should be. 

Friday, July 26, 2019

Stockholm Syndrome

University Books RWS Tarot ~ Hermit

"Treason, roguery, corruption" A.E. Waite
Someone who hasn't read Waite's book probably doesn't know these were three of his Hermit concepts, and not in the reversed position. Someone who looks for or creates conspiracy theories often works in the dark, using their own idea of light, looking to the underground for like minded cohorts yet still essentially a loner.

Food for thought for me today. I spend a lot of time thinking my own thoughts, which can consequently take dark turns and no one to say nay. I'm listening to the Gunslinger series this month, for the nth time. Roland's quest was fueled by rumor and guesses and instincts and adrenaline and for the most part no one to share it with. When he draws companions the sheer weight of his belief reels them in, but it is basically the Stockholm Syndrome. Food for thought, Mr. Waite. 

Thursday, July 25, 2019

Info-Junkie Rampant

University Books RWS Tarot ~ Tower

In the Rider-Waite deck, the top of The Tower is a crown, which symbolizes materialistic thought being bought cheap. Poking around I find ambition that is constructed on faulty premises, structures of lies and the lightning flash of truth, rending of a House of Doctrine, the fall into the material and animal state.

Shudder. And all before I've finished my first cuppa. The card goes back to the 1400's and the first gaming tarock decks. It has been some years since I've had a Tower moment, I'm fine with never having one again. But then my eyes go back to the definitions, and I think how good it would be to have the scales on my eyes drop away, once again, giving a new clarity to the truths of my mind set. A mental Tower moment, I could live with that, my info-junkie rampant.

Wednesday, July 24, 2019

More Reasons

University Books RWS Tarot ~ 4 of Coins

Do I need it? Absolutely not.
Does it cost much? About the same as a butterfly tattoo.
Do I want it? Yes.
Have I given it my three week rule? Yes.
Will I get it? Maybe. Probably.
It is a rather unusual find these days.
Tries to think of more reasons. 

Tuesday, July 23, 2019

Too Little Too Late

University Books RWS Tarot ~ Hanged Man

Circumspect. Or party pooper if you prefer. If you abide by the rules it probably always feels like the world has gone mad. Compared to ancient Rome's excesses? Compared to the don't even blink or the church will kill you 1400's?

I keep coming back to the thought we don't live long enough to ever learn our lessons well enough to get the act of civilization right. 

Monday, July 22, 2019

DNA Filled Shoes

University Books RWS Tarot ~ 7 of Swords

"A plan that may go wrong" A.E. Waite
Swords weigh from 2.5 to 4.5 pounds, here our boyo carries five in his hands, by the shafts. I'm guessing he left his drivers license and DNA filled shoes at the scene.

I've been possessed of many plans, which on a few minutes reflection are consigned to the what was I thinking heap. Quite a large heap it is, but I imagine and hope everyone has one, building on our thoughts is how the wheel was invented, the creek and rock became the washing machine.

Sunday, July 21, 2019

Sand and Silence

Waite Tarot ~ Page of Wands

The get it done suit. Here the Page waits to see if the sprout will grow or wither. Always, just standing about. It gets on my last nerve. "They" would say, if someone bothers you it is because you see yourself in them.

Yesterday I ran away. To the desert. Sand, sun, sky, silence. Rob didn't ask why, he just took me. I spent most of the day mute, just thinking, and not thinking. Looking, seeing the past, the broken sad past. I think he is standing because he is the only one left to do so. Everyone else has moved on. 

Saturday, July 20, 2019

Dark Side

Tabula Mundi Tarot ~ Moon

I think.
I know.

Easy to confuse the two, easier to deliberately confuse the two.
There are four things I think, I don't know yet they color my life. The dark side of the Moon.

Friday, July 19, 2019

No Speak

Tabula Mundi Tarot ~ Temperance/Art

In alchemical-speak, green lion devours the sun. In Sharyn-speak, I got nothing.

Edited later: I have a NW Coastal Indian print of Raven Swallows The Sun I admire each day. The raven's raucous caw is because as Trickster he still holds it in his throat.

How does that apply to me, today? What am I holding in my throat that needs harked up or owned? I don't seem to be man enough to do either. 

Thursday, July 18, 2019

Plus Shipping

Tabula Mundi Tarot ~ 3 of Cups

Cool Hand Luke, 1967. Paul Newman, Strother Martin
There are lots of things to remember about this classic movie, today it is the 'ran out of road work before they ran out of day'. Abundance.

I just ordered a new DVD remote off Amazon, $9.99. Plus $5.99 shipping. I know, eyebrows clear over the back of the head...but I looked at my cart, nothing there I need, looked around the house, nothing there I need. So I paid shipping. Good financial stewardship says that shipping is a better choice than a cart load of stuff I don't need, and knowing what abundance is has value beyond gold. 

Wednesday, July 17, 2019

Suck The Hive Dry

Tabula Mundi Tarot ~ Emperor

The compass and square again, chaos to order.

Except when it is the other way around. Which from my distance shows the lack of need for an emperor at all. He can suck from the hive all day long, he will never understand bees, never create anything with meaning or value. 

Tuesday, July 16, 2019

Shotgun Syndrome

Tabula Mundi Tarot ~ 4 of Wands

I completed a huge project yesterday, on a double deadline, usually when I do my best work. That shotgun to the back syndrome. Now it is 4 AM and I'm up, feeling all loose ends-ish. Wishing I had it in me to go back to sleep, but a lifetime of pre-cockcrow says that will never happen. But what about that next project?

Even in my semi-catatonic state I feel the tingle. And the call of the next potential completion. It is why we get up at all, isn't it?

Monday, July 15, 2019

It Is What It Is

Tabula Mundi Tarot ~ Justice/Adjustment

The  measure by which we are judged, the law by which we are ruled. Maat is often invoked, the feather by which a pure heart is weighed.

As always, I wrote and wrote and wrote. Much of it angry or snarky, as usual. My way of clarifying what I think. And I erased it, as I do most mornings. My conclusion? The only thing I retain from my days of structured faith is to abide by the ten commandments. I think I can do this. No need for complicated excuses and caveats, wriggling and do overs, it is what it is. 

Sunday, July 14, 2019

Cracked Heart

Tabula Mundi Tarot ~ 3 of Swords

Has the heat created the crack or it is high above the heat so the urn is preserved and still useable? In an email this morning I mentioned that my close memories of my mother are ugly, and that I make the effort to only remember the mother than raised me. It isn't a successful effort at all, although I no longer lie awake in the night to the echoes of her dementia fueled endless shouted rants.

How to hold that cracked heart? Close or at length? Go for the boil or live with lukewarm? I haven't a clue because both are so painful. 

Saturday, July 13, 2019

Picture Small Child, Throwing Fit

Game of Thrones ~ 7 of Coins

Growth and expansion through effort.
The good  news, I grew and expanded my deck collection by one this morning, had an ebay offer accepted for a 1950-60's era deck I've been thinking about for a couple of years, very cool!

The bad news? I was introduced to a deck this week that might become my holy grail, the "Broken Mirror Tarot", first edition. A faint possibility if I had a chinese linguist to run interference for me, who was willing to root and dig and watch... sometimes a dream is a dream and I'll just work at not becoming an old twisted embittered crone, dreaming of what she wants and not enjoying the fruit of what she has. I want it! Really want it! Wails and gnashes teeth...

Friday, July 12, 2019

Missing The Point?

Game of Thrones ~ 6 of Swords

Is this one of the things we do because it has always been done that way? Have our back to the destination we are headed for? Does it mean in honesty we don't have a clue? How bizarre is that? Rowboats surely weren't designed for taking a girl for a little romantic ride. Probably in order: fishing, exploration, trade, transportation to beating up the neighboring tribes. Is it simple engineering combined with human physique?

Maybe facing forward is why kayaks are lined up by the dozens in front of every sporting goods store now. If you are on the water for fun why not see where you are going?  Is the 6 of Swords about the rowor or the rowee? Doing it or having it done?

I feel my temper rising just thinking about someone else being in charge of my boat, but I think I'm missing the entire point here. 

Thursday, July 11, 2019

Survival 101

Game of Thrones Tarot ~ Empress

My children can do no wrong.
Maybe this blind eye is the only thing that gets children out of childhood alive, else they'd drowned us all in the kiddie pool.

Children can be 'little angels'. Usually said while observing them asleep...but mostly childhood seems to be the practice field for pushing buttons. Fractious, unreasonable, untruthful, sly, mean spirited, rude; spend thirty minutes on any playground and we see all these things.

Somehow, usually, the guiding spirit of our Empress infiltrates the cracks in our developing brain and we also learn affection, sharing, honesty, consequences. And finesse. That inner dragon, survival 101 stays with us, the child's ability to invoke a scorched earth policy. Quietly. Smiling while we do it. So our moms don't notice and continue to think we can do no wrong. 

Wednesday, July 10, 2019

Red Herrings Blue Herrings

Game of Thrones Tarot ~ 7 of Cups

Mystery. Love a good mystery. Nancy Drew. Cherry Ames. Trixie Belden. Wonder if I read one today I'd still see them as strong female leads. I wonder if I'd had access to the entire Cherry Ames series, I'd have been influenced enough to go into nursing. The older I get the bigger the regret there.

We watched a two part Death In Paradise episode last night, yes, there were lots of ends to tie up or start, lead characters to set up and weed out. But. The main clue was a tulip cuff link. On and on about the tulip cuff link. Discovered the source, told the perps to bring them in, never heard about it again. The clue. Would have solved the mystery right there. Jerked around the audience.

How many clues I've missed in my life? Ignored. Glossed over. Recognized and changed the course? Lots of all I'm sure. 

Tuesday, July 9, 2019

A Better Way

Game of Thrones Tarot ~ World

Dragon Stag  Lion Direwolf.
Baratheon Lannister Stark Targaryen
Matthew Mark Luke John
Lion Bull Eagle Man

On good days I see the world as the most beautiful place in the universe, desert to jungle, seabottom to mountain top.
On bad days I see endless old grey men, wreaking unending devastation on thousands of generations of families.

Go ahead, throw me in jail, hell no I will not go.
There has to be a better way. 

Monday, July 8, 2019


Game of Thrones Tarot ~ 2 of Swords

Procrastination, overthinking, thinking something to death.
Here we say: Cut bait or fish. Poot or get off the pot.

My personal credo? I don't want to be dead saying I wish I had of. 

Sunday, July 7, 2019

Sour Grapes

Game of Thrones Tarot ~ 10 of Coins

Food and beverages. Land of plenty. Wonder what that pipe signifies in relation to the Game of Thrones?

I bought my most expensive bottle of wine recently. $18.95 on markdown at Safeway. This is the woman who actually bought a $3.00 bottle from Winco which was drinkable by the way. The expensive one? I spit it out in the sink. Worst beverage I've ever tasted. Took it back it was so bad. I still wonder what a $50.00 or $100.00 bottle of wine would taste like, but my personal quest to know is cured. Considering that is about my annual wine budget.

Until the last few years I've always had grapes in the house, now they taste bland or sour. It's been at least three years since I've eaten a grape that tasted like a grape. Is it the hurry up bigger and faster hybridization? I miss grapes. No 10 of Coins here. 

Saturday, July 6, 2019

Wild Ones

Green Wheel Oracle ~ Horse

Liberty. As I've let go of common mental structures and their strictures the freedom I've found has been remarkable. I'd wish it for everyone.

The down side? We have a shetland pony that lives next door to us. His owners say he was found on BLM land running with horses who'd been abandoned by their owners. Was it a kindness to capture and landlock him on his own? I don't think so. No one rides him or plays with him or grooms him. He hangs at the bottom of the field looking across at the only other horse up here. Horses are social creatures. Even Wild Ones.

I understand there is comfort in commonly held belief systems. But I'll take my singularity to the mind control offered as the alternative. 

Friday, July 5, 2019


Green Wheel Oracle ~ Robin

Barlow sees Robin as keeper of the threshold, the line between the known and mundane, and the wild and unknown. I like that. I dreamed last night we were in a strange mall; the shoppers had little sitting areas where they displayed all the shoes they'd purchased.

I was wearing a worn pair of blue leather mary janes with white socks and unfashionable blue jeans. Someone walking by pointed out I was ridiculous and I just laughed. With humor because I was, but I was also happy. Nothing to prove, nothing to collect, no pressure at all. The Robin's threshold can also be knowledge, what we need, what we want, what we get, what we have and ultimately what we are. 

Thursday, July 4, 2019

Wobbly Square

Green Wheel Oracle ~ Weavers Moon

Too beautiful to clutter with words but of course I will. When I was recovering from breast cancer I became obsessed enchanted by the moon. A mind distracter. I gave the thirteen moons my own names and journaled through their cycles, made half-gallon moon water each full moon, set out on the deck in the moonlight and ruminated...I'm better now, she said to the men in white.

With the bent eyes I now see the moon differently. In the day time it is no longer round but a wobbly square, at night a nimbus, but we're still the same, it and I, I've woven my path with the moon cycles and it gives me it's own guidance. Keep your course, pull your own weight, look to the light. 

Wednesday, July 3, 2019

It Won't Go

Green Wheel Oracle ~ Water Moon

In the 80's I tried hypnosis twice, this watery moon brings that to mind. It is about letting go, releasing, even giving up. If I were willing to afford it, I'd try it again, both experiences were successful...for a few days, Obviously more work was needed.

I wrote a text to my little brother this week, about as long as my posts here, and it won't go. Simply won't go out. Because his life has been such a turmoil and he has so many problems, I've never told him about mine. He has never asked actually. So in very short speak I wrote the truth. And it won't go. Do I think this is a sign he can't handle it? I don't know. I released it, it won't go. Ok, good enough for me, I'll go forward as I always have, listening, not speaking. 

Tuesday, July 2, 2019

Media Mindjacked

Green Wheel Oracle ~ Boar

Never seen one, but they are the most populous four hooved animal in the world. Considered dangerous, invasive, and over populated here, a 75 million dollar program was introduced in 2018 to address the problem. I can imagine where that money went, down invisible paths to its own extinction, not the boars.

Invisible paths is how Barlow sees this card, the ones we miss because we are narrow focused, afraid, media mindjacked. What a pity, we have such short lives, mostly spent on the road most traveled. I'm right there on the center line shuffling along with the crowd, with one exception. I'm making an egregious quilt. It makes me laugh every time I pick it up to work on, and I sincerely doubt there is another like it in the world. 

Monday, July 1, 2019


Green Wheel Oracle ~ Harvest Moon

A practical time, recognizing the world for what it is, what we are, what we have, and what we need. We complicate life far more than necessary by forgetting the basic requirements.

And with this moon, by seeing what is, we can also lift the edges a bit and see what could be, what may be...what we've been missing entirely. Simplify, then look beyond. What have we never even considered because we've never bothered to clarify?