Sunday, July 14, 2019

Cracked Heart

Tabula Mundi Tarot ~ 3 of Swords

Has the heat created the crack or it is high above the heat so the urn is preserved and still useable? In an email this morning I mentioned that my close memories of my mother are ugly, and that I make the effort to only remember the mother than raised me. It isn't a successful effort at all, although I no longer lie awake in the night to the echoes of her dementia fueled endless shouted rants.

How to hold that cracked heart? Close or at length? Go for the boil or live with lukewarm? I haven't a clue because both are so painful. 

4 comments:

  1. Hold it tenderly - the pain and hurt - and use it to create an offering of love in action.
    Sharon Salzberg says it better than me:
    "I saw I couldn’t flourish as a human being as long as I saw myself as the passive recipient of love. (There’s an awful lot of waiting in that position, and then damage control when it doesn’t work out, and also numbness.) But I could certainly flourish as love’s embodiment."
    You embody that love on a daily basis with your feathered and fuzzy little ones, with Rob and your friends. That love came from the mom who raised you.

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    1. I set in my hens playpen for a good while yesterday, chasing the blues. We have a new rooster, 3 month old Rusty, who is just learning the instinctive ropes. Always good for a belly laugh, and appreciation for the learning curve we work each day.

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  2. At times I have been given the advice that a cracked heart means it can be cracked open so I can truly give and receive love more deeply. That has not been as helpful as I would have hoped. Pain is pain and trauma is painful. And the main problem with trying to back away from pain is that it's impossible. And that sucks royally. Suffering, in buddhism, simply means being uncontrollably propelled into the death and rebirth cycle. It is said the enlightened Buddha experienced great sadness regarding the suffering of others. Thus, enlightenment is not necessarily a cure for feeling bad. Victory over death and sickness is nothing to sneeze at, but heartache will still be at hand. Perhaps we cannot evolve out of those feelings after all. I still mull over that. Hugs to you.

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    1. uncontrollably propelled..yikes. We sure do like to think we are the ones doing the rowing but mostly it is more like dandelion fluff I think. thanks for stopping by Allison

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I welcome your thoughts. Good bad or indifferent; opinions are the lifeblood of conversation and I always learn something from a new point of view. Thank you for visiting, Sharyn