Holding Back The Dark

Samhain

End of harvest, beginning of winter. We've had our first frosts this week, today we'll gather up all the nasturtium vines along and over the split-rail fence, put the storm window up in the chicken coop, put the blocks in the crawlspace vents, build the first fires of the season in house and garage. Many batches of winter cookies have been made this week, Two cookies with afternoon tea is part of the winter here.

Not quite the same as ancient Celtic times when everything you harvested was what you lived on through winter. Not enough? Tough noogies, starvation and freezing were common deaths.

Our little village will close off its street, add a bunch of fun, merchants will dispense treats to the little trickers. Is it pagan to do so? Nah, just humans having fun, holding back the dark. 

Code or Asshatted?

Sola Busca Deck ~ Ace of Coins

I hate being obligated, I hate asking for favors.
I'm about to pull the trigger on turning down something important.
Am I just being bullheaded or sticking to my personal code?

added later, after help with translation. In the ribbon, "Trahor Fatis" - I am drawn by fate. Around the big coin is the motto,"Servir. Chi persevera infin otiene"--"To serve. If you persist you obtain [your goal] in the end." This so reaffirms my decision.

And because reading the cards is fun, after my decision I pulled a card to ascertain the results. I got Triumph 1, Pafilio, thought to be Marcus Baebius Tamphilus, a 192 b.c.e. praetor/Magistrate with executive power, acclaimed for easing conflicts and conquering without shedding blood. Which says to me, I made the right choice, my facilitator has the power to cut the crap and red tape and we'll get on with the show just fine. Either way I'm happy with my decision and stand. 

ad infinitum

Sola Busca Deck ~ X Venturio

Thought to be Titus Veturius Calvinus, Roman consul circa 330 b.c.e. during a nasty defeat at Caudine Forks by the Samnites. He indicates complete mastery of life is illusion.

Ain't it the truth. Regardless of our mental outlook or physical position life throws curves. In theory it should keep us humble, but we forget, and are destined to relearn our lessons ad infinitum. 

Well In Hand

Sola Busca Deck ~ XVIII Lentulo

Thought to be Publius Cornelius Lentulus Spinther circa 60 b.c.e. who "eclipsed all who went before him" as superintendent of theatrical and recreational activities.

Beards are a thing now, I note he has his well in hand. Would that our lives would be the same. 

Swordsman or Troubadour?

Sola Busca Tarot ~ Page/Knave of Swords

Getting his mind around his future. Swordsman or troubadour? This deck dates to 1491, Occitan troubadours date from 1100-1350, is he thinking a day late a franc or denari short? Is his heart set on the life of a swordsman, the excitement and adventure, 3 squares and a cot provided?

Today's Page has thousands of choices, and in my country every business has a help wanted plea. The one thing that is the same in both times is the mindset. A willingness to do the work to make something happen. To get the word out, follow leads, put yourself out there, take the rejections and learn from them. Pages are the basis of our economy, and more power and success to them all. They just need time to think. 

Enriched

Llewellyn Tarot ~ 3 of Cups

30 years of handwritten letters from Joan.
Miranda and Kyle summer visits.
Theresa Kathy Jody memories.
Various workplace crews.
Learning about geology from dad.
Mrs. Camp, Davis, Nash, Senn.
Meeting internet friends in person.

Good memories, good fun, good people.
The world is full of them. Life is good if we let it.

Any Shade Of Horror

Llewellyn Tarot ~ 2 of Swords

Of two minds. Failure to communicate. Difference of opinion. Two sides to the story.  Two paths, two journeys.

I found Stephen King books in 1975 with 'Salem's Lot. I've read them all since, sold my entire collection last year, picking up my favorites in audio again. I recently discovered Reddit + King so the two swords here comes to mind.

At that time in the world my notion of scary movies were the midnight Halloween showings of the Mummy and Frankenstein from the 1930s. And childhood fairytales, which are the scariest books of all. A different world than today where any shade of horror is freely shown on TV and any taste can be found on the web. So when a 20-something comes on Reddit and says he was bored and quit half way through the Stand, or just can't get into the Gunslinger, I grieve a bit for them, they will never be able to see those books without modern horror mental clutter. Too bad. They and I have traveled two different mental roads to the same place and we are still worlds apart. 

SIX Bucks?

Llewellyn Tarot ~ 9 of Swords

The thing we worry about at night.
The things we laugh about in the daylight.

This morning I saw an ad for barn quilt car coasters. Six bucks each. Pretty cute. Pretty sure I can continue with my wadded up Kleenex. Or go  mad and cut a circle of batting...it is a pretty good idea. Some years ago I ruined a phone dropping it in a wet beverage holder, hence the Kleenex. But six bucks? No wonder she is holding her head. 

Map To The Lost

Llewellyn Tarot ~ 9 of Coins

I focus on the background figure today. Is that a map? I've lost something special and I'm working hard to not let it darken my days. I'm thinking about it when I see a boy yesterday struggling with his walker barely able to bring his legs forward, multiple sclerosis? While watching a movie about real veterans with limb loss. What is my loss? Nothing.

Yet it adds to nor takes away from anyone else's life. Just because someone else's loss is so much bigger and worse than mine, doesn't make my loss less important, but perspective is key here. I need a map. 

Couch Cushion Coins

Llewellyn Tarot ~ 2 of Coins

Fluctuating economic fortune, juggling resources.
Been there, digging under the couch cushions for coins. Crackers with syrup dinner, bartering grass cutting and walnuts for mending and haircuts. Combining families under one roof.

Didn't kill us, taught me to be a better steward of life and finances. Don't know that it made me any smarter. I'm thinking about quiting manicures, pedicures, and haircuts. That's give or take $500.00 a year. That is one or two quilt retreats. The fly fishing pole I'd like to get Rob. Way more than we'd need for a special wedding anniversary celebration. 5 shares of Tractor Supply, 4 years worth of cemetery flowers twice a year.

Just when does practical become dumb? Does that fox tail say sly thinking only ever got sly results? 

Whence Comes Knowledge?

Llewellyn Tarot ~ Hierophant

Taliesin, ancient Welsh bard. Reading his works this morning I find The First Address of Taliesin and a kindred info-junkie spirit. If you don't ask you'll never know...
Whence come night and day?
Whence will the eagle become gray?
Whence is it that night is dark?
Whence is it that the linnet is green?
The ebullition of the sea,
How is it not seen?
Who was confessor
To the gracious Son of Mary?
What was the most beneficial measure
Which Adam accomplished?
Who will measure Uffern?²
How thick its veil?
How wide its mouth?
What the size of its stones?
Or the tops of its whirling trees?
Who bends them so crooked?
Or what fumes may be
About their stems?

Kingness

Llewellyn Tarot ~ King of Cups

Visionary and dignified. Self serving energy vampire.
Ethical and artistic. Taker and destroyer.
Caring or consumed? Some of all?

King, CEO, Star, wanted or not, all are role models and not everyone watching knows or cares about right and wrong, power is the key, the need, the aphrodisiac.

I expect whatever they do it is a pretty thankless job and ego must be the prime driver, else why would anyone in their right mind be willing to do it? 

Happy Squirrel

The Happy Squirrel

It is good to be back home, we can't remember where anything is.

Tarot from the ridiculous to the sublime, what can I say, tarot is fun. 

Sublime? This art comes from an 1891 painting by William Holbrook Beard titled How Beautiful.

Ridiculous? The source idea for the addition of the Happy Squirrel tarot card came from a American television cartoon series called the Simpsons, Series 6, episode 19, aring March 1995 and is now included in many decks, two in  my Rogue Tarot. Because if one is good two are better! What does it mean? Watch the short video.

Change Of Heart

Santa Muerte Tarot ~ 2 of Cups

We'll be home by afternoon after 7000+ miles. Good memories, interesting places, beautiful country, nice people, new experiences. Bland overused adjectives, I don't know words big enough to describe how much I love the land in which I was born.

A gift of being away from home and the familiar gives perspective for the heart to know the difference between life-keeper and life-waster. My Cups heart has been cogitating with my Sword brain, Wands hands nudging Coins life changes will be involved.

Morning on the Umitilla Reservation looking back on the Blues mountain foothills.

No Backstory

Mermaid Tarot ~ Knight of Wands

Fiery energy in a tattooed package I find hard to grasp. And where and why is he standing? How do you set a fire in merworld?

On the other hand I enjoyed reading The Oyster Thief by Sonia Faruqi. Great worldbuilding so the life and motivation of merpeople was seamless and believable. I would have happily picked up a wand and helped.

A man of action like this throws me for a loop because I don't have a backstory. The Wands suit is driven by the story, and when we don't know it, can't believe it, are at cross purposes with it the reasoning evaporates. I'm going nowhere with this prettyboy, there is no catalyst here for me. 

Acknowledge and Appreciate

World Spirit Tarot ~ 9 of Coins

Easy to think the world is perfect when we isolate ourselves from it. Sometimes it is necessary to turn our back on it to keep from being overwhelmed by the shame and horror of it all.

Sanctuary time is a key part of good mental health. I appreciate and acknowledge that I have both physical and mental safe places I can go, knowing many women do not. 

To Be Continued...

Crystal Visions Tarot ~ Page of Coins

Court cards. I doubt I'm the only one who sighs when one comes up, much easier to interp minors and majors. Then I checked the master list this Rogue card came from and laughed at the name.

I am a page today, in search of crystal vision. they've held me over here for a second battery of tests, because my broken and withered eye rods may be eligible for experimental surgery. There is no concept of restoration, but the theory is it would prevent further vision deterioration and the eventual blindness.

A story, to be continued...  

I Ain't Afraid

Merryday Tarot ~ 8 of Swords

We toured the Natural History Museum in Salt Lake City yesterday, marvelous, took us from cells through dinosaurs through indigenous people of the region. One of the displays was a room with a clear plexiglas floor exposing a paleontology dig area underneath. This figure clearly shows my reaction. I was frozen, could not take a step because with my eyes I couldn't judge if there was floor at all, knew there had to be but my vision wasn't up to the action required.

My first reaction was to cry like a girly and run away, followed by anger because nothing scares me, nothing.

Keep telling yourself that... maybe someday it will be true. Anyway, today up to the Moran Eye Clinic, a partner in the worldwide study of MacTel and more tests to go into the general fund of knowledge. 

Stockpile and Hunker?

Cathar Tarot ~ 9 of Wands/Shields

No longer an abstract concept, this Cathar is face to face with personal annihilation by the Crusaders.

Which begs the question, while I sit here at the very heart of Mormon country, what will I do if/when faced with having to fight for what I believe rather than shout from my soapbox? Would I take up arms? Would I run? Would I stockpile and hunker hiding from friend and foe alike? In the end it didn't matter for the Cathars, those oh so Holy Crusaders annihilated them.

Just what do I believe in strongly enough to fight? Because I sure as hell don't believe in war. Maybe that's what the bullys depend on? People like me saying, I didn't vote for him, so all the human rights being steamrolled, well, it isn't me doing it? 9 of Wands...

Julia Turk And Her Own Mystic Sea

Navigators of the Mystic SEA Tarot ~ 8 of Wands

Farting around, twiddling my thumbs, spinning my wheels, not in my nature ma'am. Not to say there haven't been times I've run flat out into a brick wall...just a course correction, always necessary in trajectory.

Julia Turk, artist and author of this deck led that kind of life. Often captain or crew of boats in Greece, California, Washington. Always drawn to art, never considering herself an artist. Until 1987 when surviving a demolished auto wreck she had a wake up call. "I was still holding a view that I was waiting for someone to tell me what I was supposed to do," she said, when a clerk at a metaphysical store suggested they team up to create a tarot deck. Turk agreed to do the artwork.

The course trajectory changed a number of times for her too, but in the end the deck and her vision survives her. She went on to write a three volume series based on her Navigator. Thank you Julia. 

Sobering

Centennial RWS ~ Justice

Most Justice cards show the scales dead even. Balanced is the ideal but generally we are in the process of getting there, because life isn't static. We've got our innie me and outtie me working the center, above and below, past and future dealings, means vs ends.

When have I ever been done wrong, and was it ever addressed? I can think of four. The first two were from childhood, those people are all dead. The third and forth? I'll never get Justice as money is involved and that always trumps truth.

A thought to think on today. When have I done someone wrong, and have I addressed it? Was it delebrite with malice aforethought or no thought at all? Sobering. Yesterday between Albuquerque New Mexico, through Colorado, to Farmington Utah we crossed at least six reservations. Also sobering. No Justice whatsoever. 

Curiosity Is A Cat Named Sharyn

Alchemical Tarot Renewed ~ Knight of Cups/Vessels

"He samples the water, the fish is a messenger from the unconscious – seeking information, questing into the unconscious." Robert Place

What drives an info-junkie? Seems like a Coins or Swords suit thing, but curiosity is a cat named Sharyn and my under-mini-me trusts Robert Place to know his alchemical knights.

That inner seeker is probably what led me to, and loves and hates what the cards bring out; occasionally something I didn't know I knew or thought, often a curd that makes me squirm. The cup, the fish, the quest, it's all good with me.

It led me to hunt down all the information available on my rare eye disease, got me into a world wide study, and is the focus of our next destination, a participating clinic in Salt Lake City Utah. We spent the night in Clines Corner New Mexico on a rock pile, buffeted by wind. I dreamed of beautiful Utah vistas, and today we will see them. 

Never Underestimate

Victorian Romantic  Tarot ~ 3 of Swords

Sorrow, loss. total disillusion, fantasy exposed. We can get to this card from many routes but it always results in heartache.

We can ignore it, we can harden our heart, but we will never escape it in this lifetime, it arrives in too many forms. Without this side of life we'd never be able to experience joy, love, pleasure, happy, funny. Remembering this, recognizing, savoring the good in our days is what gives us strength to cope with the hard times. And never underestimate the power of a hug. 

When You Grow Up

Dreamkeepers Tarot ~ 6 of Swords

Odd...peacock boat, human prow, nude body reclining, sword points up. Stormy sky, red curtains, floating above a forested lake. Odd.

A dreamlike image where nothing makes sense, like asking a child what they want to be when they grow up. Eh? How could they know. But we plunge right in and do something, generally without much more thought than we gave it at 8. Only 27% of college graduates work in the field they majored in.

Rob knew he wanted to be in trucking and worked in the industry his whole life. I worked in 16 different industries, at home in none. Not a clue..although I know now, too late what I should have done. I can attest, 6 of Swords is an odd way to live a life. 

Full Of Hot Air

Japaridze Tarot ~ 3 of Wands/Fire

What a view. We have to stand back, see the bigger picture to understand the scope of what we are working toward. We can polish gears and buy screws until our brains fall out but they will never be a machine. It is when things and ideas and practice and will to complete come together that we begin to accomplish projects and goals. Lots of hot air is worthless unless it fuel something.

But speaking of balloons, I'd hoped to visit the Albuquerque area on the way home...no room at the inn. It is Balloon Fiesta week and we didn't think far enough ahead to get reservations anywhere. Click here to see what we will be missing.

Recenter

Green Witch Tarot ~ World Tree

When I was a child I climbed alder trees and thought my child thoughts. As an adult, the trees remind me I'm immaterial, a short timer, pointless in the long term. Which reinforces how sweet life is and the importance of priorities and completions. And how much I love the Ents.

When the World card eludes me. it is a  message to recenter. It is so easy to float along, day to day, doing the same things in the same order, disregarding this is my life I'm burning up, frowning over the minutia. Some time under the century old pecan trees here, in appreciation for what I have and who I have the capability of becoming seems a good start to a new week. 

Winding Up Process

Thoth Tarot ~ 8 of Coins

Understanding the growth process. We've done that here at the retreat, progressing through getting to know each other. The first day mostly where from, travel stories, type of RV. Then kids and careers. Then deeper into adult life history, so many have lived all over the world! Those are the military families, I wonder if that life style led to so many of them enjoying the RV travel world, less worried about will something be familiar, more interested in will something be different? Then health histories, yesterday delved into financial woes and good stewardship. Wonder what our last day together will produce? Certainly a sense of loss when they all start pulling out on Sunday morning.

We will be pulling out...and moving down four spaces, here for a couple of extra days for Xing Xing's surgery, and this space is reserved for a Snowbird coming in. Then it is northward bound and another process, winding back up the gorgeous trail. 

Open Mind

Animals Divine Tarot ~ Fool/El Loco

Open mind. Have adventures. Learn life lessons. Attain wholeness.
I can live with that. 

Scorpion?

Shadowscapes Tarot ~ 5 of Coins

More coping, dadgumit. Yesterday people conflict, today worldly health issues, we have a doggie with his face all swollen up. Bad tooth? Scorpion? And he sure wants to know why he didn't get brekus...We'll start calling vets shortly.

Last night it was Airing The Quilts in Ingram Texas, 42 rig spaces draped, hung, covered with quilts, too fun, not something many will see in an RV park!

And while my machine is away stitching madly in the Bunk House, Honcho nests and watches the miniature horses and herd of Axis deer wander by. And did I say it was hot? 

Doesn't Take Much

Sun and Moon Tarot ~ 5 of Wands

My bike is newer than your bike, my dad is bigger than your dad, it's my ball and I'm going home. Little kid strifes, our little kid ways of dealing with them were pretty pitiful. But we get trained up for our big kid strifes. Getting stomped at work by someone climbing up, the keeping up with the Jones carpola, Kids dropping out of school, illness and loss, us not meeting our own expectations and hopes.

The Five cards are about coping. How are we doing? My tendency is to tune out, back off, turn away from what doesn't work, what sets off my hair trigger temper. My big problems have put the little stuff in its place. My age and self determination have put me where I can be happy, easily, it doesn't take much, a very nice place to be. Would that it had always been that way. 

Can't Take It With Us

Game Of Thrones Tarot ~ Queen of Coins

 Lady Olenna, matriarch of House Tyrell. The problem with getting higher and higher is the potential for the bigger the fall. I have a successful and wealthy niece, worked hard for it, earned it, as far as I know is happily enjoying it. But I remember her mother saying the year they made Fortune Magazines top ten entrepreneurs list  her big fear early on was failing and facing 'the looks'.

I have another niece who has been through bankruptcy. As has our president, although that seems a relative concept, he wasn't reduced to one vehicle and a tiny apartment in a scary part of town.

Perhaps the point with all our inner Lady Olenna's is did we live a good life, and did we die a good death. Because we can't take it with us.