Direction

Greenwood Tarot ~ Archer/Chariot

"A clear sense of direction"  Chesca Potter

Looking back over my life, did I ever have a sense of direction? I honestly don't think so. Maybe when I took a wad of secretarial courses so waitressing wasn't my only option. Maybe when we moved here and I went to beauty college at 40, that was a change for sure. Maybe when I decided to devote myself to keeping my father-in-law in his home through his journey with dementia. That certainly changed the course of the rest of my life.

How many things we didn't even notice happening at the time, change our journey? A fun navel gazing project but one that wouldn't garner anything of value. What I know for sure is I like where I'm at, who I'm with, what I'm doing. What more could I ask?  

Knackered By Ecstasy

Greenwood Tarot ~ 5 of Cups

In my country this is the biggest shopping day of the year, called Black Friday because it the the day store profits start running in the black and not red for the year. Folken seem to go into an ecstasy, heading for the early openings, 6 AM, 4 AM, 3 AM, even.

Yes, we non-shoppers are heading out, first time in probably 30 years. A laptop, dishwasher, towel rack, two sewing lamps.
Best Buy, Lowes/Home Depot/Smiths, Ikea. We'll probably come home knackered, saying, humm, maybe in another 30 years. But needs must and sales are sales. We can do this. At 9 AM. 

Rational Essence

Greenwood Tarot ~ 6 of Swords/Arrows

"Homecoming of the soul" Chesca Potter

Definition of soul : the immaterial essence, animating principle, or actuating cause of an individual life.  the spiritual principle embodied in human beings, all rational and spiritual beings, or the universe. Merriam-Webster

Thoughts to think on today. Am I who I want to be and where I want to be? Is my essence in line with my daily life? Do I have spiritual principles? Is it rational thought...or planted by someone else? 

Tired Little Rant

Greenwood Tarot ~ 4 of Coins/Stones

The protection of this dolmen brings to mind my health insurance. Because I have a folder with all my cancer bills in it which come to better than $1,500,000.00. Paid by insurance. My ultrasound last week was $1448.00, of which I paid $25.00, insurance picked up the rest.

For an ounce of high quality cannabis, Washingtonians paid $233 on average. They paid $5.42 on average for a joint of high quality weed. Waiting for a haircut appointment this week, I sat in the car across from a pot store. In 45 minutes 29 people went shopping. It isn't the only shop in that town. Insert a moment of tired judgement here...how many of those people would say they can't afford health care? 

Open

Greenwood Tarot ~ Sun

Drew this an hour ago, been thinking about it since. Maybe it is just that I'm sick of being sick (see surgeon on the 3rd) but I don't feel sunny. I'm not sure my heart is open though that is my norm. But I'll take this card as a guide and work on it...

Looking Down On Us

Greenwood Tarot ~ 6 of Cups

"Reunion with the wise part of oneself, inner peace" Chesca Potter.

The final words of a book character who died yesterday were about waiting for everyone at the clearing at the end of the path. Even as a little kid the concept of someone dead waiting, or worse yet, "looking down on us" flummoxed me, rather than comforted.
If they are always looking down, they are looking down when we curse at a child, flip someone off, have bowel movements and sex...this is comfort? And mathematically who is waiting for who is waiting for who going back into infinity, that is quite a crowd, never getting on with whatever folken think goes on after death, it is just a waiting room. Now there is a hell most don't consider. Reunion...worth a rethink. 

Have A Lie Down

Greenwood Tarot ~ 4 of Swords/Arrows

Meditate. Focus on a particular subject? No subject at all? Is it spiritual practice or does it aid in mental acuity? Does it serve a purpose at all? Should it?

However viewed, it is hard to lay down Self and let structures and strictures that are the norm loose. No doubt why we continue on in a manner that does not serve a purpose. Thinking about yesterday's card of being bound, and this one I had to laugh, I'm right back at the elephant in the room, who isn't put away at all, but whaps me with it's trunk at least once a week.

I can have a lie down, meditate on it all I want, and still I do nothing. There is always a reason not to, to wait till May, wait till November. Of 2017. 2018... and here I am and still I walk around it. Idiot. 

Essential Erinaceinae

Minchiate Etruria Tarot ~ 8 of Swords

Blog + mind + personality = pretty much what I write about. Sawing away at the warts. This is wrong that is wrong, hopeless, what could I possibly do. But the 8 of Swords is about binds we keep unnecessarily. I look at the little figure, comfortable, safe, looking at that brass ring. And the hedgehog, left in nature where it belongs, not cruelty domesticated. Free to be true to its nature.

I can think of a number of instances where I cut the binds that held me down/back. It wasn't comfortable, it created difficult to cope with situations and I had to think outside the box to save myself, to go forward with changes that affected everything. But wow, that brass ring, that essential freedom. We are capable of doing so much more than we give ourselves credit for. 

Sedulous

Minchiate Etruria Tarot ~ Magician/Juggler

Sleight of hand might get some incredulous looks from kids but no real magic here, only short time entertainment. Could be he is showing some scientific experiments, sparking a lifetime interest in young minds. Possibly, it's my brother-in-law's chewing tobacco spit-cup, teaching a lesson in how fast a gag reflex works.

The real magic is in working hard at whatever we tackle and not giving up easily.  Dedication and diligence aren't glamorous, we won't be paid big bucks to get up on stage and show how it is done. In this unique personal magic the effect is cumulative and only seen in perspective.

Retired As Useless

Minchiate Etruria Tarot ~ 4 of Coins

Our Oliphant has some serious issues. Misuse? Poor breeding? General contrariness? Old age? Idiot owner? To associate owner with a magnificent creature like elephant seems all kind of wrong. And the hunters stance? Really?

This deck dates from Florence Italy mid-1500's. It is entirely possible the artist had never seen an elephant. Or had art lessons. Or understood perspective. Or how the suit of coins relates to worldly concerns. But pretty much everyone from the ancients on understood the concept of "an elephant in the room". The subject no one admits to that tears families apart.

That elephant is also often misshapen, and referred to as something else entirely if spoken of at all. Our worst elephants have been cured, the incurable we have finally moved to the extension behind the garage...out of sight out of mind. Poor old three legged, twisted trunked, one tusked creatures; and our arrows retired as useless.

Why?

Minchiate Etruria Tarot ~ World

Capacity to understand that which is not clear. I'll not be achieving this nirvana anytime soon. Perhaps it is just as well. Asking 'why' drives people crazy. 

Stay Home

Minchiate Etruria Tarot ~ 5 of Cups

I'll try it but I won't like it. Curry, marriage, flying.
Setting out half-hearted, determined to have half-hearted experiences. That barely seen brow and shoulder raise, the sneer so small you can't call them on it. They are going to suck the fun out of it for everyone.

Maybe that is their idea of fun, but I wish they'd just stay home. 

Beget Begat Begot

Minchiate Etruria Tarot ~ 3 of Coins

And Sharebuilder begat Ing, and Ing begat Capital One, and Capital One begat eTrade. Or the modern equivalent. Which is the root of my distress from yesterday's post. I was trying to sign in on my Capital One bookmark which no longer functions. Boy do I feel like a dummy.

I'm reminded by this card, keep things simple is my keystone since I thought I had dementia and the great B-12 deficiency culmination proved me wrong. My brain is broken, but it isn't dementia :) And my computer security isn't broken, and my stockpile (pun...) isn't broken, only a link. Three of coins reminds, mountains out of molehills aren't productive. 

All Clammy Again

Minchiate Etruria Tarot ~ Queen of Swords

If we wait for someone else to jump in, we'll wait a long time and likely be disappointed with the results. Who knows but us what our needs are? I am woman, I am invincible.

'Cept computers...something goes wrong there I get clammy, my gut clenches, tears line up ready for flow. Something is amiss with my security and microsofting, googling, etc over the last few weeks is not showing me how to fix it. So I fool with everything, get discouraged, feel stupid, do nothing for awhile, mess with things again... I am a queen of swords, surely I can do this? This morning I feel like my two options are do nothing, not take care of my business; or take care of my business at some kind of security risk which seems the height of folly...and here I am, all clammy again.

Chaos Calm and Hope

Tao Oracle ~ Hexagram 64 Before Completion

Fire over Water, "transition from chaos depends on inner calm." Brian Browne Walker translation

The outside news this week is chaos. Purposefully created out of arrogance and elitism, I don't give a damn about anyone but me leadership. Ten years on a small very hot or very cold island with limited water and self dug toilets and no services would do them all some good.

On the home front my exploratory surgery eye looks like I'm packing a tomato, but all went well and so far all is well. In two years I'll know if I have the sham or the real deal and either way if it stops the progression of this dreadfully weird disease I will get the real thing in the end. Thank you again, Mr Lowy, for funding this worldwide research project. Hope is a wonderful thing. 

Stillpoint

Tao Oracle ~Hexagram 11 Peace

"A stillpoint in the eternally changing tao" Ma Deva Padma.

Stillpoint. I can live with that. If things go awry now it doesn't overturn the cart, a rearrangement can be managed. What more can we ask of the ebb and flow? 

Small Changes

Tao Oracle ~ Hexagram 19 Approach

"Good approaches the superior person" Brian Browne Walker translation.  "Chance favors the prepared mind" Louis Pasteur

Are we open to transformation being offered? Do we get up? Prepare? Anticipate? Are we willing to do the work required?

Sometimes, if the need for that change outweighs just how inert humans can get. If the want is shining enough for the discombobulation that will accompany it. Life. One minute at a time, ticking away.

  

Slow Autumn Snow

Tao Oracle ~ Hexagram 9 Taming Power of the Small

"Being powerless, having little influence" Ma Deva Padma "
"Temporarily restrained, a time for small steps." David Browne Walker translation

Even if we see ourselves as big frogs in local puddles, most folk have little influence in any way that might count as useful. I spent some time watching maple leaves come off our tree yesterday, slow autumn snow. Had I noticed that leaf when mowing the yard, had that one stood out when sitting on the deck, would I have seen that one when leaving the chicken pen? Probably not. Was this the only time that leaf would ever be noticed, never thought of again? Probably.

I have a friend in intensive care unit overseas. He is the vibrant leaf I'm thinking of this morning. How many small ways has he influenced my life? More than he thinks I'll bet. 

Clarity

Tao Oracle ~ Hexagram 45 Gathering Together

"What prompts involvement, and what direction is that involvement taking?" Ma Deva Padma  "To lead others toward good one must purify one's own character" Brian Browne Walker translation

Give me a job for the cause I'll do it. Committee meetings? No way. Give me a meaty subject I'll ferret away for days. A game? Snoozeville. Make a quilt that takes a year, I'm on it. Make a christmas stocking or a hot pot holder, I'll never finish it.

Knowing what I won't do gives me a clear path to what I will do. It wasn't always that way and I appreciate the clarity time offers.

Sort Of and Kind Of

Tao Oracle ~ Hexagram 47 Oppression

"Confined without a door, holding fast to the light within" Ma Deva Padma.  "An unavoidable time of adversity. Quiet strength insures a better success." Brian Browne Walker translation.

Gee. I was hoping for something bright to finish out the week. But life isn't like that is it. Plans are formed and crushed. Hope wings up, then does a flit. That's ok, I'm juggling here, knowing all three of my balls are at worst, at least sort of fixable, at best all will be kind of better. Kind of and sort of, sometimes all the light we have to carry on with.

Mental Spanx

Tao Oracle ~ Hexagram 32 Duration

"Stability, reflecting the qualities of time; as above so below." Ma Padma Deva  "Remain steady, allow the world to shape itself." Brian Browne Walker translation.

Bad times and good times, we all share this and it shapes us externally and internally. Not all the same though, what knocks one person for a loop another might take in stride. An amazing red letter event for one might make another shrug, puzzled.

I wouldn't want to alter the course of a mountain, but we do have much leeway in how we shape ourselves. I'm chipping away at it. No mental Spanx, reality rules.

Best Case Worst Case

Tao Oracle ~ Hexagram 14 Prosperity

"Wealth as dollars, good fortune as well being" Ma Deva Padma "Those who are steadfastly balanced, humble, and in harmony with the Sage inherit everything under the sun" Brian Browne Walker translation.

I get that. We can miss the second in being lost in the first, easy to not recognize good fortune in a society based on acquisition. Rob and I hate shopping so it is simple non-thinking that what we have will last and last. But...what if one of us were irretrievably damaged in an accident and goes into a nursing home? Average cost here is $7500.00+ a month (double room) to $8500.00+ (private). Just how soon would falala mental well being dissolve into poverty and bankruptcy in real life?

Obsessing with worst case is the quickest way away from mental good fortune, but clear headed foresight is a healthy way to live each day. 

Listen

Tao Oracle ~ Hexagram 51 The Arousing

Ain't that a kick in the head image. I had one of these in the doctor's office yesterday, blood pressure 197/120. It has never been above 140 before and normally in the 120/80 range.

I'm still trying to get  my head around the idea that unchecked in that high range, the average live span is a year, and more likely about ten months.
More reason for Perspective. And mindful living. And listening to our body. 

Back Up Back Off

Tao Oracle ~ Hexagram 34 Great Power

"To achieve true power and true greatness one must be in harmony with what is right." Brian Browne Walker translation

The sun. Dantien. Madison Avenue.

It is all perspective isn't it? Where we are focused at the moment.

I've chosen perspective for my 2020 word of the year. I need more of it. I'm not the center of the universe. 

Illumination

Tao Oracle ~ Hexagram 35 Progress

"Circumstances are accelerating toward that illuminated zenith. brighter light = expanded awareness" Ma Deva Padma 

35. Fire over Earth  The brighter your virtue the higher you rise. Brian Browne Walker translation

I doubt anyone is so smart or wise they don't puzzle over 'what was I thinking' or 'how could I get it so wrong', or 'holy cow...didn't see that coming'. But when the lightbulb goes off and the illumination comes it is a wonderful thing. I'd like some more of that please.

Prideful Path

Tao Oracle ~ Hexagram 29 The Abysmal

"I’ve learned that much of life’s rich experience is missed by going too fast. By slowing down and being with whatever IS, the interconnectedness of things and events is more readily apparent; then understanding and the way to proceed become clear." Ma Deva Padma

29. Water over water: Flow like pure water through difficult situations. Brian Browne Walker translation

Troubles, difficulties, darkness. My stubbornness, show no fear, got no problems, ignore it mindset is coming home to roost and I'm backed into a corner. As I read Ma's words and think my rat in a trap thoughts I am forced to review how I got here, eight months of move along nothing to see... Not the way out but the way in, and how many times I've repeated this route over the years. There is a lesson here to cogitate on this day. Pride is a path to trouble.

Same Song, Different Day

Sola Busca Deck ~ XV Metelo

Thought to be Lucius Caecilius Metellus, ancient Roman Pontifex Maximus for a quarter of a century circa 250 b.c.e., he rose to fame and power by defeating Carthaginian general Hasdrubal at Panormus by scaring off his elephants. Perhaps chosen for this famous spot in our 1491 tarot because he practiced Mithraism.

Predicated by saying my foundation knowledge of old/early gods is pretty much based on murder mysteries set in ancient Rome and Egypt. So I see the hundreds of Egyptian gods are meant to keep the population on the narrow path, eyes down, hands in pockets, something to do on their day off. The Roman ones, chosen/picked/made for fun, spectacle, personal protection. Still meant to keep the mobs in their place.

Civilization. Sacred or profane, it always comes down to the same song, different day. 

Discourse vs Discord

Sola Busca Deck ~ XX Nenbroto

Thought to be the judgement of the biblical Nimrod, constructor of the post-flood Tower of Babel. Is he defending himself from divine wrath, or shouting his point is proven, there are no gods that want man to communicate freely and easily? Discourse is dangerous, discord keeps small men small and too occupied to think.

Food for thought certainly. Going along because it is safe, always done that way, not rocking the boat, accepting what we are told we have to do as gospel...My decision Wednesday to refuse to be a docile cog in the wheel was a good one. It resulted in total elimination of the bogus need for a 'minder' to accompany me for eye surgery in Salt Lake November 13. They are just going to stick me in the hospital. A lot less expense to the MacTel fund, way easier on me...plus they gave me extra legroom plane seating :) if I'd please change my mind and come. I'm happy clamming it in Kalama.