Inspiration And Expiration

Shaman's Oracle ~ Dancer of Inspiration

Inspiration? or Desperation? I wasn't inspired to clean and shine my house, it was desperation because I didn't want to look at dusty button jars anymore.

I have a new computer in the box still, bought last month because my ten year old laptop began roaring at me. But it stopped doing it all the time, so now I need to be inspired to change over rather than driven by desperation. The twelve folders of pictures is what stops me. Do I want to upload them to paid storage? Use the Cloud? Just move them to the new computer? I'm not a fan of any of those ideas.

I think I'll be desperately inspired when this one roars and then expires. But, the new one has a 17" screen! Another adaptation. This card has inspired me to get the new one out of the box. Now.

Pull-By Date

Shaman's Oracle ~ Dancer of Beginnings

I did begin a new process in December, master plan of assigning a room each month, working around the walls, deep cleaning, evaluating each object. I began with the quilt room, just finishing yesterday with the biggest conglomeration, the two shelves over the sewing machine. Considering it is all pretty small stuff, mostly tools I use all the time, I still ended up with a trash can full of out-of-here.

Before and after, can an outsider even note any difference? The room shines now, and that is the difference I love. January? The kitchen. repaint and new counters, everything in it, out. "It is a good thing" as our Martha says. Wonder what the oldest pull-by date will be?

Dream A Dream Of Grief

Shaman's Oracle ~ Shaman of Loss

I'm awake in the night because I dreamed a dream of grief. Someone else's but it shattered the lives of those around them, including mine and those whom I love. They couldn't let it go.

I have a grief like that, I can't seem to get past it, to move though the Kübler-Ross stages. I guard it because I don't want it to be like alcohol or drugs, taking down those around me. I haven't a clue how to heal, or even know if I want to. If I hold on to the grief...that is all I have left. If it goes, so does she.

Quest

Hermetic Tarot ~ 4 of Wands

Dowson sees this decan as being Venus in Aries, single minded pursuit, and wondering why other don't see or do the same.

A friend of 30 years told me a couple of months ago, for all our commonalities, we differ because I'm always on a quest, and she isn't. Never crossed my mind that I'm a quester but I did often wonder why others aren't. Why don't they want to know? Why don't they try something new? Why don't they Quest? Why can't they see? Why won't they even look? I say all this laughing at myself, because what other people do doesn't matter, it is what I do that is important. And I want to know, I want to try, I want to see. And we are all good, together. Our differences make us interesting.

RWS keywords for this card are happy families, celebrations... this blog began as a quest to simply learn how to do a blog. 4539 posts later, I'm still learning. And I like being on a Quest. I yam who I yam. 

I've Been Invoked!

Hermetic Tarot ~ Ace of Swords

Invoked force vs natural force. A bomb is invoked, a volcano is natural.
Gifts are invoked, body functions are natural.
Tears seem invoked, laughter seems natural.

This card actually has me quite futzed, everything I think of that seems natural is something we do for a reason. There is something behind, invoking.

A good thoughtful card to to carry through the day. Why am I doing this thing? Because I've done it before? That's no good reason for anything. 

Equilibrium and Perspective

Hermetic Tarot ~ 4 of Swords

I look at those clenched fists and there is much I can say, much I could rail against. Uselessly. So for today I'll let the fear and anger go, let it be. Breathe.

Why give brain and heart space to the unfixable?

Thou Vicious Taker Of Light

Hermetic Tarot ~ 7 of Wands

Mars in Leo, enthusiastic passion rewarded. What is a reward? Money? Acclaim? Slavish yes minions? Goals met? Something in hand or a mental check box, ticked? Don't know, probably changes with the wind.

I do know I'll be glad to kick this decade in the (Y), slam the door, never look back. Overfilled with bad, far too little good. Arrivederci, Ciao, Viszlát, Aloha, Sayonara, get thee gone thou vicious taker of light. 

Not Hardly Rapid

Hermetic Tarot ~ 8 of Wands

Rapid rush, excessive force. Not my internet connection...two hours to get this far, not that I've been here pounding my mouse. My only complaint about this property.

Life is short, there are lots of other interesting things to do. 

Jury Duty

Hermetic Tarot ~ High Priestess

Alteration, Fluctuation, Shortsightedness. That hidden knowledge.

Oh, the things we can make up in our mind when we haven't got a clue. So far this past week I've had a brain boiling with cancer cells, six strokes, a brain tuma as Arnold Schwarzenegger says it; what's known for sure is I've gotten dizzy six times, fallen over several times, and have the bruises to prove it.

Brain in gear though, in the night when I do my best thinking, it is the new medicine I was on for a week. Not now though...and no falling over so far. Dr. Google thinks I'm likely correct. I'll confirm with Doctor Rebecca Tuesday morning, get that third opinion...

I have jury duty starting the 30th, I never want to be an alleged perp with a jury box of people in High Priestess mode staring at me. 

Yule Tidings

No snow here, but happy to have the shortest day arrive,

 and head back into longer ones. I was not made to be a mole. 

Matlack The Hare Oracle

Communal Pot

Margarete Petersen Tarot ~ 2 of Cups

Oh Discordia!  Was there ever a time when what is mine is yours and visa versa was the norm?  Cults thrive on it. An acquaintance bought trinkets in a village in Africa last month and was assured it didn't matter who made it, all profits went into a general fund as did everything relating the village matters. Toddlers recognize MINE and fight for it.

Do I believe in a world where goldbrickers and drones and slackers don't exist? Are welcomed to dive into the communal pot? Never happen. But it is a pretty thought. 

Asleep At The Wheel

Margarete Petersen Tarot ~ 6 of Cups

Harmony. Flow. We can insist on harmony and result in stuck. Flow can trickle or rage. Our 6 sighs and says "ah, baby bear's bed is just right, not too hard, not too soft".

Am I awake to recognize the differences, the nuances? Life is flowing by whether I recognize and acknowledge or not. I don't want to miss any of it, asleep at the wheel. 

Still Just Poop

Margarete Petersen Tarot ~ 8 of Swords/Feathers

Thinking something until we think it's truth. A mental gymnastic, a bit like a cat scraping dirt over poop. Or not thinking something until we think it didn't happen. A bent perspective, a dangerous habit, a poison prison as sure as bars.

I have one of these cages, I've kept something in it since I was 24. Only rolled it over this year and have come to think it wasn't my fault at all. It doesn't feel like release, I feel like committing murder. I won't, it's just poop. But I think opening that door has been the healthiest and most unpleasant thing I've done this year.

Burning Wounds

Margarete Petersen Tarot ~ Star

"Cool healing light shines on burning wounds" Petersen

It isn't our good works that make us beautiful, it is how we carry our wounds. 

Quitsarooni

Margarete Petersen Tarot ~ 10 of Swords/Feathers

Over. Done and Dusted. Finis. Quits. I feel better now than I have at any time in this kaput decade. A dedication to 2020 and beyond, written June 2, 2011. Life is a work in process.

Self As Sacred Space

I dedicate this day to

Health, Vitality, Flexibility

I dedicate this nourishment to

Long Life, Strong Health, Exercise, Savoring

I dedicate this sleep to

Peace, Long Life, Gratitude, Rest, Energy

I dedicate this cleansing to

Clarity Of Thought And Action

I dedicate this nurturing to 

Growth, Wisdom, Truth

Rise From My Chair

Margarete Petersen Tarot ~ 6 of Wands/Flames

I and Not I. More me, beyond  me, bigger me...
What will I learn or do today that I've not done or tried or known before. Will it make a better me, a smarter me, a kinder me?
I will hope for that now, and work toward that today. A new day.

edited later: Gosh, what I didn't know about magnets. Who knew they were so interesting?  I'm on a quest to have a bigger sized grocery list and realized as I dumped two journals a few days ago, I have a whole stack of blank journals that could be morphed into grocery lists big enough to see...if I could get a 10 ounce hardcover book to stick to the fridge. Hence me to K&J Magnetics, a learning curve with Drew this morning, and what will make one more successful adaptation to the bent eyes problem. 

Unconscious

Margarete Petersen Tarot ~ High Priestess

I look at this card and wonder where the relevance is for me. Tarot as the game came to be in the 1400's, when learning was based on if you were male and if your father was wealthy. Tarot Majors were based on archetypes that cross all lines but presented as white and christian-centric of those times.

Archetype: The Anima, the unconscious female element of the male.

Aeh? This card always just leaves me with a unconscious feminine 1400's mind. And I'm guessing a search back through the blog will find a variation on this theme at least three dozen times. Class is out, I'm going outside to play. 

Illuminate Or Expose

Enchanted Tarot ~ Sun

Giver of life. Taker of glaciers. Illumination. Exposure.
Hang on. Let go. As I've been going around my quilt room cleaning and evaluating each item and surface it has bled over to some of the other things in my life. I have a journal here on my desk, 625 weeks worth of, what? Like any journal I've ever written, I've never read back through them. Most have ended up in the burn bin, having served their purpose of documenting. I haven't written in this one for 3 weeks. The pages have become messy, the writing crooked, a reflection of my vision. That really bothers me, I expect I've made my last entry.

This beautiful sun card reminds me light serves many purposes, but cares not if it illuminates or exposes. That is up to us to define. And what to do about it. 

Lethargy Be Gone

Enchanted Tarot ~ 6 of Swords

"Think a new thought, dream a new dream. This new direction will wipe the slate clean." Zerner/Farber

Would that life were that easy to clean sweep. This rendition is full of hope and optimism though, rather than the sad moving away. Since I've been sick for months I've spent a lot of time in the blue chair in the quilt room, hand sewing. Which has given me opportunity to really notice how dusty my beloved half-gallon jars of buttons are. Weeks of cogitation about it has led me to take December and methodically work my way around each side of the room cleaning. The window wall sparkles. The button jars glow. The VHS tapes, all gone to a local couple, their shelves dusted and empty, hurray!

The acrylic rulers, most sold because I can't read them anymore, have been resorted, rehung in a new pleasing manner and I know where all of them are! The row of framed barn photos from 30 years ago, gone, replaced with a fresh long narrow frame full of Moon cards! Today is the space beneath the sewing machine. It won't take long, none if it takes long once started. Why is it we wait to make that freshening movement? Lethargy be gone! 

Thought Pot

Enchanted Tarot ~ Princess/Page of Swords

Thinking over that innovative idea. The way the brain process information is the difference between the court pages. The cups page might see that letter as reaching out for a relationship, the wands page as an invitation to an altercation, the coins page as a suggestion to consolidate. All in the nuance isn't it, and what we were hoping or expecting to receive.

My mind is open today. To the next invitation or idea, I welcome the fresh wind stirring the thought pot.

Shiny Handlebars

Enchanted Tarot ~ Chariot

Moving forward in a positive direction. I had one bike as a kid, a gift from someone. Iffy brakes, two slick bars rather than pedals, the handlebars had been broken off and just sat down in the front post. Steering was a matter of really heavy pressure, and the brakes? Well, earth's gravity and falling over was the plan of the day. It came to rest one day in the midst of blackberry brambles with me under it. I left it there and walked home.

Not all chariots move us in a positive direction, just as all our ideas and plans aren't necessarily good ones. But move we must, stagnation dulls us and our brains and hearts are too good for that. I like to look for the shine and move that direction. Is that a plan? Even if it turns out to be glinting off  a pair of broken handlebars, it is movement and experience. 

Not Temperate

Enchanted Tarot ~ Temperance

Full disclosure. I am not a Temperate person. I am prone to instant flights of fancy, making 190 degree turns in mid-process, walking away without a second thought, jumping in mid-stream...I offer no apologies, I yam who I yam.

And I always say what I think. 

Some Days Are Like That

Enchanted Tarot ~ Star

Beautiful card, but after a couple hours of think, I still got nothing... some days are like that. 

Inner Page

Enchanted Tarot ~ Page/Princess of Coins

"I will work for my gain, I will learn from my pain
I will speak to the earth, I will know my self-worth." Monte Faber

If drawn in a reading I'd say the Page/Princess falls in the 10-20 year old range. Not yet what we'd call mature but certainly teachable and we hope, willing to learn.

I hope this youth will always be alive in me, not numbed by failure or permeated with hubris. 

Scribbling

Stolen Child Tarot ~ Heirophant/Hierophant

Monica Knighton's studio name was No Borders. There is no inner border on this one card. Her title breaks the i before e rule. What she'd like to know is do we color in the lines or outside the lines. Does the Hierophant rule or guide?

As a child I was taught to use the crayon to first make a very heavy outline then use that as a fence to color against, keeping the shading inside the feature. Did I scribble? Not in my memory. As an adult I'm still that way. As a quilter if I'm trying something new I make a sample. Does it look like it should? Measure correctly? Are the directions correct? And then, I go outside the lines in that, can I make it better? More me, less cookie cutter? So I guess the answer is a big indecisive maybe. A think to carry me through the day. 

Myth Or Truth. Ish.

Stolen Child Tarot ~ 6 of Wands/Flame

"How does our perception, or the world's view, help or hinder us?"  Monica Knighton.  This card often features a winners parade, my first thought here was lycanthrope. Goes back to Greek mythology, but for many of us our first introduction was 1941's Wolfman movie. Lon Chaney, Bella Lugosi, Claude Rains...still scary in the 70's when I saw it. A sexy love interest in a recent book. A super-being in recent movies.

Still, an odd presentation here. Which brings me back to this image and world and personal perceptions. Has media and myth skewed my reality? I've seen gray wolves, and while wild, fierce, dangerous, they seem more like malamute/shepherd types as opposed to coyotes, sneaky and sly. So I should think of ten people who might lead a parade and decide if my first impression is myth or truth. Ish. Because we'll never know if wolf or coyote lives inside.  

Looking For Hope

Stolen Child Tarot ~ 10 of Coins/Oak

   In our 50's we were part of a worldwide study working toward shingles vaccines for that age group, at that time you had to be 60 or over to receive it. One of the things the leader said at the initial gathering was "when listing your meds INCLUDE SUPPLEMENTS...because your generation love their supplements don't they?". Got a laugh, but it is true.
    Now I'm in a worldwide study for my eye disease and there is a group on Facebook for that of course. And when I visit and read the posts I am continually amazed at what people will take, without the guidance or knowledge of the doctor leading their participation.
    This card reminds me, that nutritious food in balanced proportions can do more for us that all the supplements in the world. And why do we think this is too hard, too bothersome, too expensive to do? Mostly we are looking for the miracle, number one. And need the hope. 

Butterscotch

Stolen Child Tarot ~ Page of Wands/Flame

"It's a process" Billy Crystal, Analyze That
"Sustained transformation" Monica Knighton

   I have a 45 year old cheap when built kitchen. Practical person that I am, I'd never just gut and replace, better things to do with my money. That said, the worn cupboards hurt my eyes. So based on a conversation heard at the beach last year, I contracted with a painter to paint kitchen and cupboards next month.
   Months of cogitation made me realize if the rest was brightened up, the 1970's formica countertops that were surely chosen for the harvest gold or olive appliances of the day should go too. Enter order for Mesa by Livingstone. Will look smashing with the butterscotch wall paint and almond cupboards.
   Which led to a new set in sink, ooOooOo beauty! And faucet. And Black Friday, a new dishwasher. But in my defense it has a handle which eliminates the cost of a new towel rack. And after looking at prices I'm keeping the current doorknobs, they were nice when I bought them 10 years ago in a misguided attempt to update a carpola kitchen and they are still nice.
   It's a process. And I'm excited!

Fine Grit Sandpaper

Stolen Child Tarot ~ World

"Active and passive reception vs denial of self" Monica Knighton

I'm often found ignoring the 'little voice within' because the loud shouty Sharyn knows it all already but she cherry-picks what she wants to think about, recognize, acknowledge.

Some days, I think how starting again, clean, would be. Not practical I suppose because without current knowledge there would be all those falls and crashes so nothing would be gained. I know folken who believe they lived past lives, are reincarnated. But they seem no further developed or refined than anyone else. What's the point of that? So I sit here each morning, with fine grit sandpaper and work on the current me. The only me. 

A Sad Thought

Stolen Child Tarot ~ King of Coins/Oak

"Choice of informed action" Monica Knighton. In a search for John Muir writings I found A Journal of Ramblings through the High Sierras of California,  Joseph LeConte, 1870. "The party was to go in regular pioneer style, cooking their own provisions, and sleeping under the open sky whenever a convenient place was found; each man was to bestride his own horse, carry his own bedding behind his saddle, and his clothing, with the exception of one change of underwear, on his back." It took them six weeks from Oakland to Yosemite California and back, If you stopped for lunch, about a four hour auto trip.

And what a trip, for what were basically city men. Even running into John Muir and spending a few days in his company. An 'informed action', that probably colored the rest of their lives. I've been there, the beauty is burned into my retinas. To imagine a human who doesn't open their eyes to nature each day is a sad thought indeed.

Enormous Girth

Stolen Child Tarot ~ Chariot

In some mythologies Turtle carries Earth on her back. Charming. Comforting to the Flat Earth Society. NASA wouldn't believe it of course, they'd call it fake news.

Sometimes we have to set our logical mind aside and ride the tide. I have a clay and porcelain dragon turtle to which I say good morning and give sips of tea. So would it be a leap to think as infestinal specks we spend our short lives supported by a turtle of enormous girth? Makes more sense to me than many other myths of creation; I'd far rather think of a turtle in charge of my ultimate destiny than current world leaders.