Friday, July 31, 2020

Two

Etruscan Tarot ~ Hanged Man

A think for the rest of the day, am I the carried or the carrier? 

We are never one thing all the time, but are we the burden or do we bear the burden? Are we providing comfort and solace, or choosing the fight and fight some more mode? 

Two minds, two hearts, two choices, two actions. 
You write two enough times it turns into one of those words that doesn't look like a word anymore. 

Thursday, July 30, 2020

Pick It Up

Etruscan Tarot ~ 5 of Coins

This boy is gleaning olives. 

A time honored way of getting something you can't afford to buy. Can also be a 6 of Coins card for the landowner. Often the job given to the younger children, being closer to the ground. I've gleaned neighbors apples and late raspberries and strawberries as a kid. Rob's dad supplemented his mother's depression era larder with gleaned plums. My mother was allowed to sell the eggs she could find under shrubs. My uncle said they were so poor he was sent into the fields in the winter to glean the wool from dead sheep. The biblical Ruth gleaned grain in the field of her future husband, Boaz. My dachshunds are champion pre-gleaners, eating fresh string beans off the plant and pulling young carrots up, they loves themselves some fresh veg!

Gleaned items are generally bruised, culls, maybe not quite so fresh, you might have to fight yellow-jackets for it. When you are hungry, don't disdain manna...it's on the ground, pick it up, fill the tummy. 

Wednesday, July 29, 2020

My Own Music

Etruscan Tarot ~ Magician

"He dances for himself". Don't think 'taking selfies' is the same thing. 

Has it been bit by nibble by byte by kilobyte by megabyte as we release everything about ourselves out into the wild that we've lost who we are?  When did dancing for our self go extinct? It is an important part of what and who we are, our Self. And not just because the world doesn't care, they don't take in all that exposure, treasure it, it flows over like muddy water, barely registering, yet the river of pointless useless images flows on. Many people have died taking selfies...rather than looking at what is so impressive behind them, they have their back to it, their big mindless heads in the viewfinder. What does that say about our society? 

I could say the same about Quirkeries. I dance for myself here, yet it is open for public. Why don't I make it private? Something I ponder often...as my mind and fingers move to my own music, making words. 

Tuesday, July 28, 2020

Rumination

Etruscan Tarot ~ 4 of Swords

Silent, still, suspenseful. Patient, poised, pounce ready. 
What does rest, repose, retreat, rumination really do for us? 
I'd like to be any of a hundred places rather than here. But I'm not.

Have I improved anything about my life during this retreat time?
I've shaved another half hour off the the time I spend on-line daily. 
I was more wound up about my annual mammogram than I am about actually having lung cancer again, I'd call that a mental step forward. 

My house is lighter, I've moved on boxes of things, putting them into the hands of quilters who might make better use of them. I've made good use of the resources I have at hand. 
I've worked out how school can safely resume by grade groups, drilling down to what is important. I'm going to add hotfix rhinestones to my masks, a girl has to have her bling. Life hasn't stopped, just rethought. Probably a good thing. 

Monday, July 27, 2020

Primary Sacred Duty

Etruscan Tarot~ 6 of Cups

Father and son in harmony. Now what about the other 58 minutes in an hour? Poor parents, what ever possesses them to have more than one child? I had good parents, always knew it, and I opposed them in just about everything. It was my primary sacred duty as a kid. 

And to think, they had four, all doing it, plus fairly constant fighting each other, except when we fomented joint revolution. I know why parents want schools opened back up, they are exhausted. I hope I'm still here in 20 years when the long term results of this enforced familyhood have played out. 

The most peaceful 6 of Cups parent/child times I can think of were when they read aloud to any of us. And watching home movies, total fun, as dad would run the film very fast, or run it backwards. You had to be there... I don't think I've ever been sorry I wasn't able to have kids, because a child's sacred duty hasn't changed one whit. 

Sunday, July 26, 2020

Can't Eat 5.9 Million Dollars

Etruscan Tarot ~ Knight of Swords

Powerful warrior, indomitable stallion. Probably training, else he would have shoes. I expect more horses than men have died in wars, left to bloat, or eaten. 

Today's horse, a black hawk helicopter costs 5.9 million dollars and you can't eat it. Today's sword, the FN AR-15 or M4 costs the taxpayer $700.00. In Etruscan times the soldier would pay a sword and helmet  polisher from his salary and bring his own shoes or boots and saddle. Probably had to bring his own horse. 

I just finished listening to Redwall, the story of Mathias and the dangers he faced and the friends he made bringing Martin's sword home, just in time to defeat Cluny and his army. It is easier to value a solider in a book than in today's times when anonymous military attack their own citizens, and generals crawl behind a coward. I can only hope the best for the horse in these strange times, I've lost all respect for the riders. 

Saturday, July 25, 2020

Sorting Wheat From Chaff

Lover's Path Tarot ~ 8 of Swords/Arrows

Before she would grant Psyche's request to be reunited with Cupid, Venus tasked her to separate a warehouse of mixed grains into separate and organized piles. By the end of the day. Psyche wept...

We could probably agree that weeping and gnashing of teeth and hissy fits don't help. But what they do is give us thinking space, to pull our wits together, to define the world's wheat from the chaff. Waiting for someone else to make the important decisions, to bail us out, to 'fix it' is a fool's game. 

This is the day I'm given. It is 5 AM and I can sort wheat from chaff. Weeping isn't on the schedule. 

Friday, July 24, 2020

Justice Is A Myth

Lover's Path Tarot ~ Justice

Odysseus and Penelope, torn apart for ten years, both beset by numerous obstacles to their reunion, yet they prevailed, to be together. Waldherr apparently sees Justice as fairness that comes with persistent patience. 

If I once believed that, experience and observation has beat it out of me. Fairness is a fairy tale word, I don't bother looking for it in this world. This has been a year filled with this truth, Justice does not exist.

Thursday, July 23, 2020

Opposites Attract

Lover's Path Tarot ~ Temperance/Balance

Venus and Vulcan. Water and Fire. Opposites attract. 


I got nothing. ;) Maybe later. It is so early it is practically yesterday. Insomnia. What a pain in the patootie. 


Wednesday, July 22, 2020

Don't Look Back

Lover's Path Tarot ~ Hanged Man/Sacrifice

Orpheus and Eurydice make a run for the light. Lot and his family make a run from Sodom and Gomorrah. Orpheus looked back and doomed Eurydice. Lot's wife looked back and was turned to a pillar of salt.

Big stories, life or death. We spend a lot of time looking back, leaving little room for moving on. On the mini-scale of things, I was presented with the New Blogger again this morning. Yes, I can once again revert to legacy blogger. Until August, when New and unimproved is the only choice. I serious considered making that day my last blog post. After all, having written the equivalent of fifteen books here what could I possibly have left to say. But that's looking back isn't it? 

So I unreverted from legacy and chose the New Blogger... I like thinking here. I won't look back, change is growth. Isn't it? 

Tuesday, July 21, 2020

Something To Look Forward To

Lover's Path Tarot ~ 10 of Swords/Arrows

Abandon hope all ye who enter here. The hell you say...these swords have hearts for arrowheads. There aren't any nocks. And one is going up.

I fight like mad to not slide back into the black abyss of depression. I work at it. I seek out things to look forward to, small and large. I look forward to what card will be pulled from the fan. Forward to the little fabric sweepstakes I enter each morning. Forward to the coop and will there be another egg there four times a morning. Forward to next week's lawn mowing. Forward to buying the ruler I need to begin my version of my next quilt. Forward to entering three things in my gratitude journal app each evening. Forward to newly connected family driving up in their big Allegro and camping here. Forward to being able to hug my  cousin again. Even forward to the next family plot visit. Those are hearts...and I work at working at enjoying my life, I never want to go back to that other 10 of Swords place where each day I think up new and more interesting ways to end it. Even that exercise was a way of clinging to something to look forward to... 

Monday, July 20, 2020

Simplistic

Lover's Path Tarot ~ 2 of Cups

Isolde and Tristan, enchanted into love by a cup of potion, meant by Isolde to kill them. Her to avoid an arranged marriage, him because he wooed for Mark rather than himself.

Adult love. Was there anything less controllable? Were arranged marriages ever a good idea? They were/are all about consolidation, money, power, land, goods. Children as chattel.

Simplistic, but it should be harder to get married, even harder to have a child. There isn't any simplistic about getting a divorce so I'll not mess with that in my imaginary world. Love and hate and money run the planet, we really should think harder about all three. 

Sunday, July 19, 2020

Put It In Gear

Lover's Path Tarot ~ Tower/Oppression

A myth of the ages, Dido and Aeneas. A late-breaking news story of today. Of becoming obsessed and completely missing the big picture. I've done it. So have you. So laser focused we miss the real story of our life. Family scattered and gone and us saying we wish we had of...money frittered away saying we wish we hadn't...trashing our health, not voting, spinning our wheels when all we had to do was put it in gear...

Dido threw herself on the Tower pyre. Stupid waste of life, opportunities, power. Let's not, let's work on seeing the big picture. If we learn from what we wish we had and hadn't...we have today and tomorrow and the future to do better. Or be doomed to repeat history, choose the pyre. What a waste that would be. 

Saturday, July 18, 2020

Concept Of Grief

Illuminated Earth Oracle ~ Grief

We will cross the threshold of 150,000 dead of Corona -19 here in a few weeks. We long eclipsed our Korean War dead of 33, 600. Our Vietnam War dead, 58,000. Since 2006 military deaths in all our little just dabble and interfere wars, 4,500. By the end of the year we will likely pass our WWII dead, 416,000.

Yet I will admit, I grieve for the one. Long gone now. Probably why we can't find our own (Y) with a flashlight today, get on the same page, find anyone we can trust. We are 320,000,000 peoples, so, few of us know any of those 139,000 who have already died, suffocating and drowned in lungs full of pus and blood and detached lung lining. Grief, we haven't even begun to understand the concept.
edited July 19: 140,119
edited July 23: 143,820
edited July 26: 146,460
edited August 3: 154,859
edited August 31: 183,000
edited September 18: 197,633
edited October 11: 214, 599
edited November 14: 243,393
edited December 24, 2020: 329, 411. I know how the Romans felt while Nero golfed. I mean played.

Friday, July 17, 2020

Too Soft Too Long

Illuminated Earth Oracle ~ Harmony

What am I working for, listening for, Harmony or Dissonance?
I can't stop flipping through news sites.
Removed myself from a group I've been with since 2011 where thinly veiled politics had zero to do with the business at hand.
Invoked nature.
Revoked Republicans utterly, although I've been registered as one since 1970.
Loved my nation, was repulsed by my nation.

I seek the harmony, accord, higher national purpose above self.
I find discord, turmoil, deceit. The small voices being buffered out, overwhelmed by the shrill powerful all chiming in with it wasn't me...and nothing changes but the rich get richer, the poor get poorer. Same old same old. Pastor and organist in harmony, fellowship dissonant. 

Thursday, July 16, 2020

Killers and Saviors, In Flux

Illuminated Earth Oracle ~ Relationship

As I often do, I've typed and typed this morning, then erased in part, then all. Maybe that is the human behavior in a nutshell, we think a lot of things but we don't say or do them. It is a sorting exercise, a knowing ourselves, then choosing which self we present to the world, what life we will lead, what facet to hone.

Because inside we are all behavior. Killers and Saviors. Haters and Lovers.. The only relationship I control is my own, with life. I can despise someone without it taking over my mind. I can admire someone without becoming a slavering fan. I can and have given my life over to the care of another, I have given my life over to hate. To both I say not again, but who knows? Relationships are just, flux.

The whole world is on the prod right now, a match tip ready to flare.

Wednesday, July 15, 2020

Premium Production

Illuminated Earth Oracle ~ Productivity

Our little girls first productivity!











Tuesday, July 14, 2020

That's A Laugh

Illuminated Earth Oracle ~ Vulnerability

I march around my safe and protected cocoon and say I'm vulnerable to nothing and no one, but that's a laugh.

I say I have good insurance and my new cancer won't get me but if Mr. Trump achieves his goal of ending the Affordable Care Act it will. Simple as that, along with any chance of anyone who has had Covid of getting affordable insurance, that too will be a pre-existing condition. It haunts me, and yes I am plenty vulnerable.


Monday, July 13, 2020

Prolific Potential

Illuminated Earth Oracle ~ Potential

Sweet Grass. I've probably stomped across it in nature any number of times, oblivious to it, yet I've also smudged with it in  my abalone shell. We often don't see the potential right in front of our eyes, focused on and doomed to another unremarkable day.

First off, unload another trailer full of firewood, second off, by 7:30 I'll be mowing my own sweet lawn, grass of another sort which also gives much pleasure in its beauty, prolificency, and think time. Maybe I'll think my way out of the sewing corner I'm in. I expect it will involve the seam ripper. And without doubt, math. But it will open up the potential to make right what I have surely sewn wrong. 

Sunday, July 12, 2020

Perfect Specimen

Illuminated Earth Oracle ~ Evolution

As I've stacked and stacked and stacked more firewood, I've admired each piece...the grain, the scent, the pitch, the thickness of the bark, noted the ease in which it split or the ragged tearing of it's flesh as the knots resisted. Thirty-three rings on a perfect stump, this Douglas Fir was probably my height and weight when we moved here.









It evolved into a perfect specimen of it's kind. I can only honor its life by working to do the same. I say thank you each time I go down to see the initial progress.

Saturday, July 11, 2020

Bring It On

Medicine Deck ~ Raven

Medicine magic, a change of consciousness. Good, my brain and thinking could use a good airing out. Social and internal. Bring it on. 

Friday, July 10, 2020

Pressed Grilled Hacked Flayed

Medicine Cards ~ Deer

The companion book states love conquers all. It will melt a bully. Defeat a demon. Cause us to embrace those whose cause is unhinged. I don't agree, it enables and empowers them. I haven't the time or patience, and sainthood is of zero desire to me. The commonplace end of saints? Beheading, stoning, crucifixion, burning at the stake. Pressed, grilled and cooked, hacked, flayed, drowned...don't bother, their hate is their flame, why be the fuel?

I am willing, to have my eyes opened. To a cause with merit, to a need, to action. Anyone with a brain can choose a path. Hate is just one. I spent a year driven by hate. I'll never go there again. I will be the deer...to myself, I need it. 

Thursday, July 9, 2020

The Horse Within

Medicine Cards ~ Horse

If everything you owned, including your home, had to be carried by hand or back, how much would you have? Getting a horse was akin to getting fire...life changer. But then who needs horsepower when you have slaves to build great edifices?

Efforts to import European labor to build our nation's Capitol building failed dismally. Government payroll documents show payouts to American slave owners for  slaves brought in and job trained on site. I expect most pre-1900 great edifices were built the same way regardless how we care to couch it. All those places we like to go on vacation and ooh and ahh over.

We can not change the history that was, but we can challenge the horse within us all, we are the history going forward, that is our burden to bear. 

Wednesday, July 8, 2020

Skimming The Surface

Medicine Cards ~ Eagle

Look higher, reach farther, dig deeper. Skimming the surface requires nothing of me. Surely I can do this. 

Tuesday, July 7, 2020

Crow Or Crow Shadow

Medicine Cards ~ Crow

Crow, obsessed with her shadow, scratched and poked at it until it woke up and ate her.

I had a thought yesterday. I am torn by it. It is brilliant I say. Why aren't they doing it?
Then I wonder if I've lost my mind, is stress and concern and anger eating me, leaving me the worst I can be?

Am I Crow, or Crow Shadow? I'm not the person I was before I had my brilliant idea.

Monday, July 6, 2020

Xingy The Younger

Medicine Cards ~ Dog

Wild. Servant. Soldier. Medicine. Friend. I hope there is a bit of that in us.

Our little abandoned doggies Xavier and Xing-Xing are showing their age, particularly Xingy the younger, the most poorly served by haphazard puppymill breeding of double dapple dachshunds, which aren't recognized by the American Kennel Club because it so often results in puppies with devastating birth defects. 

He now gets lost in the yard, can't see his florescent tennis ball right in front of him, stumbles at curbs and steps. If we were traveling like last year, I'd design him a PVC pipe white cane I could attach to his halter, because there is still some joyful scent dog in him; he loves to walk public spaces and catch up on his doggie social media. He chooses 'life is good' and has always given his best, even when he didn't know yet what best was. 

Sunday, July 5, 2020

Begrudgement

Wild Moon Lunar Phase Deck ~ Full Moon

Tension, undercurrents, tangible effects. Along with the moon, I feel the seasonal pull, One more trailer load and I'll have my winter and spring firewood cut and stacked and I've got at least half of the garage stove fodder in. Rob still has a half a fir and a whole maple to cut, so we have at least three years heat in hand.

The spinach has gone to seed, the lettuce is forming good heads, the string beans are flowering. A weed burner is a new tool ("more power!" Tim Allen) and I have nearly half of the packed gravel part of the driveways finished. Like lawn mowing, a contemplative occupation. My little Easter Eggers are now in their final thirty days of girlhood, there will be fresh eggs come August.

If we aren't open to observation it seems like nothing changes, but everything changes. Including us. Our choice, we don't have to choose more ungiving, begrudgeful, baleful, resentful. I chose moving on. I am not my history, I am my future. 

Saturday, July 4, 2020

Don't Want To Know

Wild Moon Lunar Phase Deck ~ Waxing Gibbous

More than a third, more than half, less than full. Rising around noon, setting around midnight. Sounds like a 17 year old if you believe parents. Well, I got up at 6 AM to make it to school, left school 30 minutes early in order to clock in at 4 PM at the town job. Finished work at 10. Then it was homework or party time, either way, busy busy busy. What I remember was each morning Wishing I could sleep until noon...Not even in summer, mother couldn't stand a lie-in, and by 8 AM she'd be vacuuming outside the bedroom door or need something in the attic that required lots of box shifting and dropping. That was all right, once up a teenager can get up to all sort of stuff. Busy busy busy. Little did she know she'd have been better off leaving me in bed.

'if I knew then what I know now' comes to mind. I doubt I'd change anything. Because in truth, I don't want to know what I know now, now.

Friday, July 3, 2020

Essentially Changed

Wild Moon Lunar Phase Deck ~ Waxing Gibbous

Illumination. From the card back: "We see the forest, we also see the placement of each tree"

Today I see what has been crawling across my mind this past week, for the first time since I was 18 years old, I cannot bring myself to hang my country's flag on the corner of my home, or my ten year traditional red/white/blue wreath at the door.  Some part of my spirit is being crushed and those colors make me cringe.

The clarity of an honest international crayon is an ugly color that sees the forest and the trees. And somewhere deep I am essentially changed. 

Thursday, July 2, 2020

Shattered DNA

Wild Moon Lunar Phase Deck ~ Gibbous Moon

Inspiration. Trigger Source? Who knows what registers in a forming brain? What sticks and what sloughs off? Since I've drawn this card I've been sipping my not-coffee and thinking about the seeds of my longest lasting passions. And of course they all lead back to some point in my childhood, which may have lay there dormant until another trigger arrived.

A constantly morphing ongoing pool of inspiration is my computer folder titled Quiltie Ideas. In that folder on this day are 214 images, some in the main, some in 5 folders of their own which include specif styles, or borders, or color combinations. I'm in that pool often, deleting, renaming, sculpting and honing ideas down to something closer to taking physical shape.

I have few finished quilts that look much like the inspirations; other than the annual mysteries I take part in the DNA is shattered and reformed, alike only in generic name, Quilt. This is my latest finish, and the inspiration quilt below it. It's own mother wouldn't recognize it. "Warm Windows" 106" X 96". Started in November 2019, finished in June 2020. The bottom image is the reverse. a One Block Wonder I actually made from a pattern :) in 2008.

Inspiration, where would we be without it?

Wednesday, July 1, 2020

Fate Moira Parca

Wild Moon Lunar Phase Deck ~ Waxing Quarter

Dedicated to Fate, Moira, Parca. Nona, Decuma, Morta. Clotho who gives our days, Lachesis who decides how many days, Atropos who stops our days.

Sometimes I look up something in this book of days and think, boy I don't buy that anymore... but I've written of the three fates three times, and my thoughts still hold true. Atropos waits. But not for long. Daylight is burning, no such thing as set fate, get going.