Wednesday, July 28, 2021

Realignment

Taking one of my little life breaks 

Viewing the Quaking Aspens with Fiona 

On the river with our Rob 

Taking tea with Buddha 


Upscale...:)

~ See you when life is realigned ~  

Monday, July 26, 2021

Teeter-Totter Life

 Children of Litha Tarot ~ 4 of Cups

I've spent the last six months turning over rocks. Beginning the process of exposing to daylight the things I've avoided thinking about for years, even most of my lifetime.

Facing head on, analyzing, disconnecting from the pain, power, disappointment. Or overweening pride, seems to be a lot of that lurking about too. 

The 4 of Cups reminds me I can go too far with my efforts to disconnect, in fact it is one of my personality faults, to get to the point of placing things under X-ray thinking, then over thinking, then destroying or burying. I'd like to be compassionate with myself, recognize I've had an interesting life...but I can't carry it all. Draining my cups full of indecision and second thoughts and what ifs is a good thing. A rebalancing of life's teeter-totter.

Saturday, July 24, 2021

Little

 Animism Tarot ~ Two of Coins

Cheung offers the kangaroo as an exemplar of the 2 of Coins, and says, in the ups and downs of life hold what is dear, lift it when it falls. 

We had a raider in the henhouse last night. We built a fortress, following every good idea we found on Backyard Chickens Forum. While our neighbors lost four henhouses full of hens to racoons, weasels, marmots, fox, coyote, who knows what over the years, our fortress has held steadfast.

Yet we lost Little in the fray before I could get there, and buried her this morning under the Grand Fir where they take their dust baths of a sunny afternoon, hold their gab fests, poke fun at Rusty Boy their rooster. And today we'll re-refortify. And hold what's dear. 

Friday, July 23, 2021

Always Scathing To Be Had

 Animism Tarot ~ 6 of Wands

Two Sixes in a row, night and day. This Six is about finding the way though and coming out the other side unscathed and on top. Been there too...except for the scathed part...there is always scathing to be had. 

One way to the top side, always celebrate the good.

My niece and nephew came yesterday, tons of hugs all around.

Went to the beach yesterday, tea and Long Beach Bakery donuts in the sun watching the Pacific Ocean roll in, luxury and joy.

Where I had three teeth pulled Monday is starting to settle down, won't be long before I can chew rather than gum..

The Gladiolus are blooming, great glorious bouquets all over the house!

My childhood friend Theresa called this week. Hard news, but so good to hear her voice and laughter. 

Thursday, July 22, 2021

One Minute At A Time

 Animism Tarot ~ 6 of Swords 

Promoting the theory via the  Adélie penguins that adversity makes us stronger and we are given no burdens we can't bear. Not buying that or there wouldn't be any suicides. Hardship can make us seem stronger, if we have a fighting or stubborn nature; sometimes, life is one minute at a time, all we can take or do. 

Some times, in the dark days, I'd just lay down on the floor of whatever room I was in, that was as far as I could go. Once I dropped my shopping and ran out of a quilt store because the owner was on a rant with a friend. Once I crawled to the back wall in a Target and huddled there with my hands over my head because a child was pitching a fit. I have lots of breaking points, that broke, so I'll never tell anyone 'you can take it'. Maybe they can't. All I can offer is a hug, heartfelt, knowing there were days when that would have made a difference for me. 

Wednesday, July 21, 2021

Probably

 Animism Tarot ~ Knight of Swords

The Greyhound, focused, going like the wind, giving his all to achieve it. 

I'd never call myself a Knight or a Greyhound, but I am focused on moving my life along, living each day each day as if it were my last, planning on living forever. Seems to be working. I think. Probably...

Tuesday, July 20, 2021

Ideology

 Animism Tarot ~ Page of Coins 

The original Prepper... but ready for hard times, not end times, two totally different mental spectrums. 

I'll take the squirrel's ideology every time. 

Monday, July 19, 2021

Casting Threads

 Animism Tarot ~ Wheel 

Makes me dizzy to think about every word and action creates a thread. Just how big is my web now? How many shining routes now dusty and broken? How many are the really long ones, the leap of faith it took to make the jump and actually end up on the other side. 

I'll cast more threads today, already started, 4:30 AM and I'm sending emails looking for white fountain pen ink, standard cartridge. :) Life, always good for a day of thinks. 

Sunday, July 18, 2021

Set Upon

 Animism Tarot ~ 5 of Wands

Many 5 of Wands show representations of a more structured manner of settling disputes, learning to communicate to avoid strife. This little guy seems set upon, and triggered my support the underdog chord.

But is he? Is he being bullied or harassed or endangered or is he being menaced by some hanging fronds and is it all in his mind? When we are little this sometimes seems the case because everyone else is bigger, louder, stronger and our self-defense mechanisms are on hair trigger.  Our 5 of Wands times gives us opportunity to learn how to cope and react, organize our mindset in a healthy way. I wish this little guy all success on his journey. 

Saturday, July 17, 2021

Now Moot

 Animism Tarot ~ 10 of Cups 

Companionship of some type, comfortable surroundings, a level of contentment that may not have been mentally attainable in mid-life, the later years are here. We live with whatever bungle we've made of family, whatever financial stewardship we managed, what is left of our mind and energy and the time to use them to our benefit. 

Old age. Who amongst us ever thought we'd be here. Yet here we are. Better here than in the family plot too soon. I have a plan for today, and can look forward to tomorrow, and cast yesterdays aside, they are now moot. I'm lively and as young as I choose to think. Life is good.

Friday, July 16, 2021

Odd Lot

 Animism Tarot ~ 7 of Cups

Sorting out the darkness, in order to choose a path. No too terribly many options for a Polar Bear, but we have access to information he doesn't have. What we choose to believe and act upon drives our results. Funny how when things work out we congratulate ourselves, when they don't we lay blame right and left. Humans. Odd lot. 

Thursday, July 15, 2021

Luck

 Animism Tarot ~ 9 of Cups 

Have I ever said 'they are So lucky'? Reckon so. And sometimes luck does seem to strike out of the blue, but mostly I believe luck is what we make it. Attitude and effort. Probably took waiting for luck much of my life to make me see that reality. 

Better late than never. Changing my attitude mid-life and putting in the work where I wanted luck to strike has created a really amazing 9 of Cups life. And Bear represents my solar plexus chakra!

Wednesday, July 14, 2021

Cope And Excel

 Animism Tarot ~ 2 of Swords

Cheung  presents our panther as blind, yet able to use its other senses to not only cope but excel. Life is nothing but choices, day in day out, big 'uns and little 'uns. I'm pretty proud of how I'm dealing with failing sight, not so much how I'm not coping with failed family relationships and a nation divided. 

Perhaps it is because I can't do anything at all about the last two that makes me feel so ineffective and useless. I'm thinking I need to take tea with Buddha, and practice some more mindfulness of what is, and detachment from what isn't. 2 of Swords...gotta deal with it. 

Tuesday, July 13, 2021

Dry Horse

 Hermetic Tarot ~ Moon

As they say in movie making, my mind today is a dry horse. 


Monday, July 12, 2021

Fulfilling

Hermetic Tarot ~ 10 of Cups

The chalice and lotus above tip and fill the cups and lotus below, again and again. Fulfilling; a wonderful word, even better when put into action. 

We think self-fulfilling prophecy's, I'm clumsy, I'm dumb, I'm excluded. I will win, I will finish, I will persevere, I will learn. I am filled with joy, I am thoughtful, I am a credit to my sex. Where our mind goes so goes our cup. Simple steps to reap a fulfilled life. Why choose to live with a cup filled with bitter brew and ashes? 

Sunday, July 11, 2021

We All Get One

Hermetic Tarot ~ 2 of Coins

Continuous change, mad to glad, confusion to clarity, hot to cold, it is the scope and breadth of our lives. Some so gradual we don't even note it, other times rapid, tower-like. 

Life. We all get one. What we do with it makes the differences between us. 

Saturday, July 10, 2021

Being The Plow

 I Ching Pack ~ Hexagram 35

Titled Seeking Reward in this translation. I prefer Progress, in the course of our life. We start out being the plow, then the creature pulling the plow (didn't we celebrate that day!) then the person guiding the plow, when we realize being in charge isn't all it's cracked up to be. 

Then we recognize we can actually be the foreman of our life, learn to make wiser choices, and begin to live a fuller life, receiving and giving in balance. I can live with that. 

Friday, July 9, 2021

Striving Upwards

 I Ching Pack ~ Hexagram 46

Interesting interpretation of line 3: It is easy to become lord of an empty city. 

Good food for thought today. Hubris, unbalanced ego, slavering yes-men, limiting viewpoint, closed mind, isolation by choice. Where in my life do I need to open doors, let light in, invite new opinions? I can think of two right off the bat...


Thursday, July 8, 2021

Stagnant

 I Ching Pack ~ Hexagram 12

Stagnation. Standstill. Weak ineffective action. Traction is found. Progress is made. Roadblocks. Finally steadfast effort wins the day.

Path of life generally? We need that first spark to even realize we've been stagnant, perhaps because it is so comfortable? Fall down, get up, fall down get up, get going again. Easier than we built it up in our minds. 

Wednesday, July 7, 2021

Transition

 I Ching Pack ~ Hexagram 64

Transition. The six lines indicate the different ways this fox crossing the creek can end. Falling in, braking too soon, not starting, changing course mid-stream, practice until perfect, success.

We transition all day long, all life long. What can I, what will I do today to move myself forward, rather than a day lost to inertia or habit, indistinct from thousands of others? I'm certainly not going to not start... 

Tuesday, July 6, 2021

Abundance

 I Ching Pack ~ Hexagram 55

Abundance. The author gives much weight to prosperity. But that is one of those things, if you've got it you don't think about it, if you don't it's all you think about. Abundance thinking is the healthier path. 

Some gratitude journal abundance recently...The pile of outdated CDs and DVDs that no longer work I've saved for years. Now sparkling on the new trees. Deer nibbler distractors. 

The free packet of larkspur Rob nursed along which are now blooming along the precious low rock drywall he built me. 

My nine year old banty hen Sugarbear is crowing. Softly perfectly! She had a very upsetting few days while we were away, perhaps her way of coping. 

My very first home grown ripe blueberry. Delicious! Abundance!

Monday, July 5, 2021

Inexperience

 I Ching Pack ~ Hexagram 4

This author's I Ching translation leaves me a bit underwhelmed, but I love his fifth line: Innocent folly leads to good fortune. So does a humble and obedient approach to the wise.

In quilting we might say mistakes are another path to creativity. In laying concrete mistakes can lead to building collapse. In learning something I'm a great believer in getting the basics right before taking flight.

My deep dive into collage is a case in point. I don't need instruction in how to cut a piece of paper and glue it down. But I like to have reasons and goals and pathworks and methods. Because I've used decks for years for introspection I like the idea of SoulCollage®, creating a deck with structure and personal meaning. I enjoy journaling with them, beginning with "I am the one who..." and so much more. Hence the pleasure in Line 5.

Sunday, July 4, 2021

Cauldron Of Emotion

 I Ching Pack ~ Hexagram 50

Cauldron of Emotion. This hexagram works through the joy of a beautiful new cauldron, which then has its handles broken, which then no longer serves its purpose and in fact ruins its intended use.

Knowing when to let go of what no long serves. Knowing if it needs replaced or if it is just habit and the familiar we are holding on to. Recognizing we've changed and so have our needs.  Describes me to a T. I'm thinking I'd be pretty happy if I could back a truck up to the door and jettison a lot of my life. 

Friday, June 25, 2021

Deep Diving

 Animal Totem Tarot ~ Queen of Cups

I've seen a lot of moose in and around water as a kid, but I did not know they enjoy deep diving for the tender bits below. 

That is what I've been doing on my private blog and with my collage work, deep diving. Diving to the bottom of the pond for the life jewels and tender bits I'd let silt under, but that always muddies the water too. I need to choose what to let drift away, and what to dig for, excavate into the light of day.

This Queen of Cups is going to be off-line for a bit. It's good for my character and attitude as my mother would say. 


Thursday, June 24, 2021

Scent Gland

 Animal Totem Tarot ~ 7 of Wands

Armed and fully loaded. What if...this scent gland was part of our own arsenal. Instantly I can imagine humans abusing the weapon. But, if children had it, primed to go off on pedophiles? Would it actually be a deterrent? 

How different would my grandfather's daughters and granddaughters and foster daughters lives have been? 

Wednesday, June 23, 2021

Structure

 Animal Totem Tarot ~ 4 of Wands

Looking at this 4 of Wands as how we 'structure' our days, life, home, I've been sitting here doing some reviewing. #1, I work best with structure in my life. Even in retirement my days are gently organized, work first play second; while being open to something spontaneous. 

All our physical structures are in the best shape they've ever been in, with the exception of the lintels at my office door need repainted, and there is a light in the garage that needs the tallest ladder to be changed. Can't say this has always been the case, during work work work years, stuff got taken care of in a more haphazard manner, sometimes emergency basis. 

The fly in the ointment? My house slippers have simply disappeared. 

Tuesday, June 22, 2021

Blue Footed Decisions

 Animal Totem Tarot ~ Knight of Cups

It is one thing to recognize the Chalice is broken, but it takes the Knight to decide when and how to heal and move on. I think this is a blue footed booby, famous for being odd. Blue feet! Ha ha ha... 

Being different has its advantages, no one is surprised when he chooses an alternative outside the box to make his life work. Better late than never. 

Monday, June 21, 2021

Broken Chalice

 Animal Totem Tarot ~ Ace of Cups

Because I'm trying to make sense of something that has hurt me to the core, I'm reminded by this cup that having feelings and tender thoughts and caring is a two way street, as we become vulnerable. Sometimes we have to say goodbye, the cup is empty, the chalice is broken. 

How we do that determines how we survive. Bury it? Deny it? Ignore it? Spin it? I'm taking some advice from Desmond Tuto (from The Book of Forgiving: The Fourfold Path for Healing Ourselves and Our World) whose suggested steps came to me in an online retreat this week. 

One of the first tasks was to hold a rock in our non-dominant hand (Tuto recommends six hours) during the 1.5 hours the first half of the retreat lasted. It signified the weight we are packing, how it hinders our life whether we acknowledge it or not. Just that one exercise produced a page of journaling...and nightmares. Harking up hairballs, gotta be done.

Sunday, June 20, 2021

Solstice

 Summer Solstice Felicitations

by Amanda Clark


Saturday, June 19, 2021

Savor, Then Revel

 Elements of Recovery Deck ~ Patience 

It's trying to try and be tried. Day in day out. All part of life; living it all in the fast lane would be dreadful. No time to savor the process, figure out the quirks, do some rethinking, revel in the completion. 

If it were easy everyone would do it. 


Friday, June 18, 2021

Seems Like

Elements of Recovery Deck ~ Contentment

Mostly I am. Seems like a great achievement...

Thursday, June 17, 2021

Assault Mouse Style

 Elements of Recovery ~ Powerlessness

Am I the mouse or the cat? Like everything else we aren't one dimensional, we are both. The ability to be invisible while going about life, to appear small and unobtrusive goes to our mouse side, the advantage of size, claws, speed, and dedication to objective goes to our cat side. We need both to survive, the problem comes when we overfeed one aspect. 

Coincidentally my collage card yesterday was based on the same idea, what am I feeding, the idea life is a cherry full of bowlies, or a savage assault.  I'm capable of both, know ignoring one for the other leads to disaster.  Balance...easier to say than do. 

Wednesday, June 16, 2021

Toleration

 Elements of Recovery Deck ~ Tolerance 

I had a stranger to stranger outing yesterday, dental appointment. Office staff masked and behind glass. Hygienist, X-ray tech, doctor, all in masks +face shields. As when I had my cataract surgeries, I asked the staff I came in real contact with how they fared during the shutdown. 

My hygienist said they'd been lucky to continue working, mostly running prescriptions from pharmacy to pick up, and that she'd had 3rd stage cancer and felt lucky she was able to get treatment.  The X-ray tech felt she should have been on unemployment because they made more money and masks were a personal affront on our freedom. That she remembered 9-11 and people got ridiculous then too...

How people chose to tolerate life is always interesting. 

Tuesday, June 15, 2021

Doomed?

 Elements of Recovery Deck ~ Inventory

If I were picked up by the scruff and dropped in a desert with only the shirt on my back what would my reaction be? Would I know to appreciate the shirt? What about a refugee camp? What about deep in the jungle? How about a mountain top? An Ice floe? 

Would what I fear or resent or curse sitting here in my cozy office make a blip on my consciousness? Hardly. My thinks for today will be what is my internal inventory to invoke in a situation where there is absolutely nothing to draw upon but me myself and I.


Monday, June 14, 2021

Bringing It To The Top

 Elements of Recovery Deck ~ Choices

I've been struggling with part of my personality for years, moreso in the last five. Which beast do I feed? The one that says screw 'em all, who needs the grief?", or the one that says "keep reaching out, accepting defeat is madness"?

I was actually looking at two book choices this morning on Amazon, advocating each outlook. Being whipsawed at this stage of life is uncomfortable, unproductive, and upsetting. But as King says in the accompanying booklet, everything we do and think has strands that attach to other parts of our life. 

I can make physical decisions, but mind decisions...making something go away mentally that has been part of my life from day one...not so easy. Perhaps making the choice of bringing it to the top of my mind rather than stuffing it under yammer yammer yammer will eventually bring a choice and action that will provide peace.

Sunday, June 13, 2021

Learning The Lesson

 Elements of Recovery Deck ~ Forgiveness

Resentment and revenge vs release. Big hurt/anger take time to process and my own experience of feeding the mad monkey mind anger loops for a year resulting in cancer is a cautionary tale. We can't hold that kind of pain without it affecting ourselves in multiple ways. 

I agree with the Elements book author, forgiveness doesn't mean "I forgive you". I've wiped that person from my life, what I've had to do is recognize the past can't be changed, what was done is done. What I can do is never put myself in a position that allows someone to have that kind of power over me.

It took as much effort to let it go, another year because I'd ingrained all that anger and resentment to run amuck, to consume me. Breaking those mental loops is Hard! So. Can't change the past. I lived. Don't allow it to happen again. Forgiveness, turns out it is all about me, not them. Only I can heal me. I can live with that lesson. 

Saturday, June 12, 2021

Stagnant

 Druidcraft Tarot ~ 4 of Cups

Feeling bored, lethargic, lazyboned, dull? When water sits it becomes stagnant, fills up with mud and weeds, eventually gets choked out. Same with life. 

Our parents weren't wrong when they said go outside and play. With real people in the real world. Stagnant is a terrible waste of a good life. 

Friday, June 11, 2021

Family Is Family

 Druidcraft Tarot ~ 10 of Coins

We drove up to the family plot yesterday. The new brick edging we put in last fall to keep the mowers from banging up the base blocks is doing the additional job of keeping weeds and grasses from growing over. We added some new bits and took away some old bits, bleached and scrubbed the stones, put the new summer flowers in, visited, said we'd be back in a few months for the fall/winter work, enjoyed the setting, and went and had turkey sandwiches and oranges by the river and Rob went fishing while I read my book. 

Not what anyone's mind goes to when companionable family time comes up, but all part of our annual cycles. Family is family and this is mine. 

Thursday, June 10, 2021

Druid Shoes

 Druidcraft Tarot ~ Knight/Prince of Cups

Bit of a fanciful helmet. Little is known about druids but I don't think they had helmets, let alone with plumes. Feather wad maybe. An ordained minister once told me most people base their biblical knowledge on christmas card art and advertisements. I believe it, we take the easy route to educating ourselves, from the book of Someone Told Me. 

Regardless, he might be following his heart, as Cups encourage us to do. Good for him. Although...quibble quibble, you'd think if they can fashion horse tack they could come up with serviceable shoes. 


Wednesday, June 9, 2021

For Joy

 Druidcraft Tarot ~ Lady/Empress

I wrote a long dark post...erased it. As I often do. Today I'll  consider the abundance in my own small life, and think of some ways to share it with others, not for self gain, but for joy. 

Tuesday, June 8, 2021

Life Investments

 Druidcraft Tarot ~ 7 of Coins

Appreciating the results and reaping the benefits of our efforts. 

In 1967-1969 Rob was in 'Nam. Crew chief and door gunner on Huey choppers. He was shot down six times. Those efforts are resulting in life saving results with the Veterans hospitals now. Full circle. 

In March 2009, in the midst of living away from home caring for Rob's parents my yoga teacher offered a workshop on SoulCollage (R). I got some respite time, had a great day, learned something new. Fast forward to 2020 and lock down, I got my cards out and began again. Free Therapy... amazingly efficient at unlocking grief, harking up old hairballs, recreating some of my most joyful times and generally helping me keep my sanity in an insane political climate. 

We never know what our investments will return. Seven of Coins. 

Monday, June 7, 2021

Shine The Light

 Druidcraft Tarot ~ Hermit

We may have a problem. We are shining all our available lights on it, seeking out companions with knowledge and skills. Don't want to know never cured anything. 

It will be what it will be but it doesn't have to be the end of the world, we live in marvelous times. 

Sunday, June 6, 2021

Opportunity

 Druidcraft Tarot ~ Judgement/Rebirth

Every day in every way, we have opportunities to rebirth to better. Better than yesterday, last year, last century. More time with loved ones, less time railing about what can't be changed. More time changing what we can...ourselves, our outlook and attitude, our health and personal happiness. Loosen the bondage of hate, wrap ourselves in all that is good in this beautiful planet. 

Saturday, June 5, 2021

Side By Side Comparisons

 Tyldwick Tarot ~ Star

Lighting and nourishing a positive way forward. 

I wish I could analyze a  side by side me in five year increments for the last twenty or thirty years. See if there has been any betterment at all. I'd like to think so but we see ourselves in a fairly kindly light, or in the worst light possible, so what is the reality? Today's thinks.

Friday, June 4, 2021

The Color Green

 Tyldwick Tarot ~ 4 of Wands

Four paint brushes, a well used palette, No paint. No canvas. No easel. No finished composition. The potential for play/work lies here but where is the action? Wands are where the thinking swords and emotional cups come together and get going. 

If red, yellow, and blue don't get blended you still have a blank. Combining our life paints becomes the impetus for the completion of the coins. I think all my lifepaints are in action, but perhaps I need to think if one shade, one tone is missing. If I had to guess it would be green. 

Thursday, June 3, 2021

Navigating Change

 Tyldwick Tarot ~ 6 of Swords

Navigating life's transitions. Seldom easy because we fall back on old habits, seeking reassurance in the known. 

Change is afoot...but then it always is, acknowledged or not.