Sunday, January 31, 2021


 LXXXI Quareia Deck ~ Threshold Guardian

"Triggers our imagination and dreams, giving us visions and enabling us to use our minds to cross deep into the inner worlds." I started with a different deck today, drew a card that said in effect, the same thing. Apparently I didn't want to hear the message, farted around for awhile, put the deck away telling myself I decided to use it this week only because it had a nice Imbolc card for tomorrow. 

It is easy to avoid thinking about or doing something. Easy to ignore the why. Easy to drift, easy to obscure real life by watching others play out on the screens. I'll think on this massive winged creature today. Is it mocking me for being shallow or inviting me to dive deep? 

Saturday, January 30, 2021

State Of Flux

 Lojong for the Layperson Deck ~ Slogan 2

What we perceive is not a fixed state but a state of flux. 

It will change or we will, most likely both. Frightening and promising. Mostly I hope for a cleansing, soul and spirit. A few teaspoons of adrenaline, scoops of unconditional love, cups of laughter, brick of learning, shavings of tears, you know...more life. 

Friday, January 29, 2021

Overwater Undermulch

 Lojong for the Layperson Deck ~ Slogan 55

Liberate yourself by examining and analysis. I examine this crosscut and analyze why the lower rings are brighter and wider than the upper rings. 

My uneducated guess is this tree was planted where one side got more mulch and water than the other, up against a fence or wall for instance. I've done that to myself, mulch and water one part of my life at the expense of another, well rounded be damned. 

Believing what we are told rather than what our eyes and ears and heart and mind could tell us. Invested deeply in something, unwilling to admit we were wrong, unable to acquiesce to accepting a loss and moving on. 

My think for the day, what am I overwatering, what am I undermulching? 

Thursday, January 28, 2021

Tonglen In The Playpen

 Lojong for the Layperson ~ Slogan 7

 Sending and taking should be practiced alternately. These two should ride the breath of tonglen, a meditation that instills compassion as a willingness to feel another's pain. 

Probably something I need to accept because I can feel myself fighting the whole idea. I'm sick with and of the world and all the self-inflicted pain. So sick I'm filled with impotent fury. How will that help anyone? It won't, it doesn't. 

Perhaps start small. I have a wounded little hen. Some time sitting in the playpen, listening and watching that she isn't set upon by the rest. Hearing their soft conversations. It will be good for everything that ails me. 

Wednesday, January 27, 2021

Spiraling Self Concern

 Lojong for the Layperson Deck ~ Slogan 40

Correct all wrongs with one intention. One sentence from the booklet catches my eye this morning, "the way out of spiraling self concern is through our dedication to assist all beings". 

My days are small now, the big picture, the big plan, also small, makes it easy to imagine myself as the Big Fish. But I do come in contact with people of course. And my attitude can affect others just as my words and actions and self plans did in my working life. 

I normally spend zero minutes on the phone, this week I've spent at least an hour with more to come. That is the face of me those faceless people will carry forward in their day. I've made a point to get their names and use them, people appreciate that in all walks of life, my #1 lesson I learned working for Theresa. And thank them for their knowledge and assistance, why else would I, a phonephobic, be talking to them? Simple actions to tamp down spiraling self concern. 

Tuesday, January 26, 2021

Sick And Tired

 Lojong for the Layperson Deck ~ Slogan 16

Meditate on the unexpected. I ordered and paid for a service last week. I've ordered things done by this service at least a dozen times over the last thirty years. The result when I picked it up yesterday was completely unacceptable. 

After explaining to the person behind the counter three times what was wrong with it, my terrible temper nearly got away from me so I flounced from the building, even making an effort to slam a pneumatic door on my way out. 

A small thing, that will eventually be corrected, but the surprise of poor work, the explosion of temper, the disappointment of waiting still longer for something I'd needed since October...I really needed that meditation with tea time when I got home. It is a little thing. But I'm sick and tired of being blocked from getting on with normal life. On the other hand, if we weren't blocked I'd probably be sick and tired of being dead, lungs stuffed with decomposing tissue. Let it go. Breathe. 

Monday, January 25, 2021


 Lojong for the Layperson ~ Slogan 54

Train Wholeheartedly. Ahh. Hard. I always want to mess with the recipe, alter the thread pattern, use a different color of paint. Ignore grammar rules, use tools inverse to their purpose. 

I know there is nothing wrong with thinking for myself, but there is always the possibility of getting pulled into the equivalent of a conspiracy vortex of my own making, missing the point entirely, and in the end making a total cockup of my project and purpose. 

Given how long it is taking me to pull together materials and tools for my current interest, I've had time to, in my mind, change the whole purpose of the exercise, it's original intent, and my reason for wanting to do it. So this week I've reread the original book. Ahh. That makes way more sense than my flibbertigibbet flights of fancy. More fun, more organized, while still being totally up to me. 

If I walk before I run, I'll eventually be able to run really fast. What a concept.

Sunday, January 24, 2021

Waxing Nostalgic

 Lojong For The Layperson ~ Slogan 15

Four Practices: 1) Give from the heart, particularly what we find hard to let go of. 2) Acknowledge our own demons, refusing to be the first link in a chain of  misery. 3) Recognize our faults as wake-up calls to realign our course. 4) Value the wisdom of the various shepherds we meet in life.

Thinking on #4 this morning. Waxing nostalgic about one way I altered the course of my life, I signed up yesterday for email reminders again, just to make myself smile and give myself a little boot in the (Y) on lazy days. Four hours later I'd gotten twelve emails, only one being the reminders I'd remembered. The rest were all selling. I unsubscribed, and today I'll work at getting the bad taste out of my mouth, and grieving that someone starting that path today will only see the emphasis on buy buy buy, obscuring the gold once there. I'll treasure that shepherd in my heart and mind though, always. She arrived when I needed it the most and didn't even know it.

Saturday, January 23, 2021

Three-quarter Speed

 Wild Unknown Tarot ~ Moon

I've just been out with Fiona for a little coyote yip yip yip. Not a full throated howl, we are at waxing gibbous 75.4% tonight. Feels that is about where my life is running. Three-quarters speed. Better than dead stop.

I'll keep telling myself that. 

Thursday, January 21, 2021

Inner Debil

 Wild Unknown Tarot ~ Devil

Negativity. I'm in a funk because I can't get my Kindle to connect to our Wi-FI. Small thing in the bigger problems of the world. So I'm being petty and cross and small minded. If that isn't the inner debil working I don't know what is. 

Wednesday, January 20, 2021

Humming A Happy Song

 Wild Unknown Tarot ~ 3 of Cups

Having a small party

Humming a happy little song

He's gettin' on a airplane

In a little bit he'll be long gone. 

Tuesday, January 19, 2021

Wintery Spring Dreams

 Wild Unknown Tarot ~ 10 of Coins

As the new year begins to roll by or over us we are planning a productive 2021. I'm reigniting an old interest that my bent eyes can cope with, Rob is diving into Mason bees in aid of life and ecology. 

Twelve 30 year old cottonwoods will be felled in aid of good neighborship and we are choosing better trees and bird and bee friendly shrubs for replacements. While the area is cleared we'll replace fencing. 

The veggie garden will be downsized and rows of flowers will go in, work stations for the bees, pleasure for us. A section of crumbling concrete at the portico will be taken out, along with a really odd section of lawn, and replaced with blacktop, getting rid of an eyesore and improving parking with 10 of Coins results. All good. 

Rob had his map of Montana out last night, so some trips with the little house are hopefully on order. Planning is good, means we are alive. 

Monday, January 18, 2021


 Wild Unknown Tarot ~ 2 of Swords

Blocked vision. We've been hearing a lot about alternative realities. That can happen when we refuse to see any point but our own, concentrate on hearing only what we want to hear. Like living in a cave really, sound echoing on and on, but just an echo. Sight limited, deciding if I can't see it, it isn't there. 

Someone left me once, I'd like to think I'm over it, accepted it. But last night I dreamed he left me again, at a school, where I spent the day acting like I wasn't left. At the end of the day I asked which school bus was going to closest to home and I got on it. With a whole bunch of three foot tall humans who looked at me like I was from outer space. But I got on. I awoke being surprised by that, but touched with the reality of going on alone. In a dream he could have come back for me. But that isn't happening. I could wish it was different, but I won't live in a 2 of Swords life. Gone is gone, over is over. 

Sunday, January 17, 2021

More Please

 Wild Unknown Tarot ~ World

Completion, wholeness. I suppose The World, a Major Card (insert deep booming voice) isn't speaking of the mundane, but real completion doesn't happen until we are, erm, dead. Not going there.

So what else, where else, can I declare completion? Books? Always another to start, Meals? Always another to eat. School? Never stop learning. Bills? The electric meter always runs, tires wear out, we are never all caught up. Art projects? Completion only means I get to start a new one. 

Blog post completed? Well, this is 4,906. No completion here. But tomorrow is a new day, and a new card, and a new project, and a new thought...I can live with that. 

Saturday, January 16, 2021

B Movie

 Sola Busca Tarot ~ Postumio

Probably best remembered by coin collectors, he had a lot of them made with his likeness. Lost his head in battle with Hannibal's allies, literally. It was cleaned and gilded for pomp in the Temple. But he is remembered, 2300 years later, not many can say that. 

Our leaders may be remembered but only because so much is written about everyone now. Of course they won't be able to access it, the media used will be defunct. We have one going out this week ignominious and selfish to the end, one coming in virtually, how weird is that?  

401,868 Covid deaths in this country now. 4000 a day. No one lifts an eyebrow, how could I possibly care Postumio lost his head? We're living a B movie that was never edited. 

Friday, January 15, 2021


 Sola Busca Tarot ~ 3 of Cups

Celebration. We can do this! Someone has offered me five boxes of what I've been hunting for three months! Little Fiona's snip snip went well yesterday! According to Kaiser's note yesterday, instead of May or August we may be able to get our first jabs in February. Providing we can get through to get an appointment, but that is better than August! My internet connectivity was good enough yesterday to watch a Zoom class! And yesterday was a glorious promise of spring day! 

I could say, but I have to drive to Portland! But it cost a lot of money! But it isn't working this morning! And it's Raining today!  Bologna on that, look on the dark side live on the dark side. All by yourself, I ain't goin' there. 

Thursday, January 14, 2021

Intelligence Quotient

 Sola Busca Tarot ~ Ipeo

Hippias of Elis; he claimed encyclopedic knowledge on all subjects and freely analyzed the concrete actions of humanity. Whew. Plato and Socrates have described him as the role model for vanity and arrogance. 

I can snigger, but people with that kind of brain power really must feel like they are aliens to the masses, the average, the plodders. Elon Musk/IQ 155. Bill Gates/IQ 160. Average folk 95-105. 

Marilyn vos Savant has the highest tested IQ at 228. She said "the I.Q. only measures the capacity to use that intelligence". One of my very best learning tools came from her column in the Parade Sunday newspaper supplement. Short speak "read it three times to learn it". I'm not smart enough to explain it beyond that, other than to say it works. 

Don't know if this is the full monty, I'm afraid to take it, but the Stanford-Binet IQ Test is here

Wednesday, January 13, 2021

10 Of Swords Pickles

 Sola Busca Tarot ~ 10 of Swords

Of course someone would be sent around to pick up the swords after the battle. I wonder if this bag is tied to yesterday's transport? I wonder if his shirt has "I lost my ass at Hill 71" embroidered on it? I wonder if he remembers the day he signed up, all enthused from the effusive propaganda? Or was it the day the Man pointed his finger and said "you, get your beast, you're in the army now, kiss life as you know it goodbye"? 

No self-aggrandizing here, no selfies that are going to end up putting him in prison. Just ethereal paintings done a century in the future designed to cover X square feet of The Man's walls.

Gosh, the 10 of Swords pickles we can get into. 

Tuesday, January 12, 2021

Spoon To A Knife Fight

 Sola Busca Tarot ~ Knight of Swords

A little underpowered and overweaponed. A zealot with a computer. The average lottery winner. CSI Las Vegas had a character using a 50 caliber handgun, it didn't turn out well. That is this guys sword. By the time he got going the prey would be in the next town. 

But then a lot of us wannabe knights start out with a spoon, as in never bring a spoon to a knife fight, and need to keep reweaponizing our reluctant brain into acknowledging non-confrontation only strengthens a bully. 

His brain might be thinking bluster is enough. I'd knock his block off just for abuse of a beast, he should be carrying it. Thinks for today, where am I over weaponed (my big mouth, and hair trigger temper?) and underpowered? 

Monday, January 11, 2021

Wisdom To Choose

 Sola Busca Tarot ~ 7 of Cups

The wisdom to choose. Ulterior motives, underlying issues. Quick mend, expensive repair. Visual bling, unseen unsung structure. The fun friend whose activities skirt common sense, the companion who isn't much fun. 

At some point in our lives we know where the middle ground is. Life is stuffed with choices and so many we make without any wisdom at all. It felt right to fight to get out of the union, that $162.00 a month could be better off in my pocket. Now that pension is $2000.00 a month less than those who stayed in the plan. Seemed right at the time. 

Renting a station rather than go into a salon that offered continued training because my ego was pumped  at being head hunted. Had I known all the heartache associated with marrying Rob would I have? Probably not, but it is the best decision I ever made. We do the best we can with what we have, but did we learn from those decisions? That is probably the key. 

Today I have to choose, as always, what Rob will cook for dinner. I'd rather not, I'd rather be surprised, everything he makes is good, but he needs a trigger to start with, so I'll choose. Not such a heavy burden. And I'm alive to do it. There is a lot to be said for that. 

Sunday, January 10, 2021

Outta Here

 Sola Busca Tarot ~ 6 of Coins

We've had our will done for years but reading some horror stories about how inheritors can act out and get up to trouble I've been worrying over our estate.  Not sleeping worrying. When good people go bad worrying. 

Reviewing in the daylight, reaffirming with law attorney, tax attorney, and google attorney ;) we got it dialed. But those hundreds of stories...shudder. Biggest problem maker? Leaving land and/or house to multiple heirs. Never a good idea. Have it sold. Sizable checking account with one co-signer. That money is theirs, period, is that what you  meant to happen at death? 

Assuming family will have time and desire to go through personal household belongings and give them the home you wanted, or take the time to sell at their value. If you are at a distance, family may not be able to come at all. If they work, they may only have two or three days to clear the house/barn garage/outbuildings storage units. Ours will have zero idea that some OOP decks are worth $500-1000.00. Or the staggering sum paid for that fishing pole... so get over it. It will be outta here. And so will we. 

Saturday, January 9, 2021

Life In The Slow Lane

 Tarot Egyptien ~ 9 of Coins

According to Etteilla's accompanying fortune telling book, this card 'assures good effect', or reversed, 'being threatened by a crafty swindle'. 

  • I'm wondering does anyone check the luggage of outgoing presidents.  
  • If I'm ever going to receive my Dinosaures de Marseille Tarot Deck.
  • If I'm well into depression again and just kidding myself. 
  • What it would take to kickstart my brain and energy and drive again. 
  • With the total cockup of vaccine rollout, if we are looking at autumn.
  •  If I'm craftily swindling myself, gaslighting, obfuscating what is probably the real block to a 9 of Coins good effect.  
 Life in the slow lane with too much time to think.        

Friday, January 8, 2021

Invoking My Inner Virtues

 Tarot Egyptien ~ Temperance

Card number 10 in this deck which includes the elements and the Virtues. Virtue being something I'm often in short supply of. "There are so many" she whined. "You always have to be good", you always, you always, you always. Probably the problem with trying, the always. 

Today I'm internally whining about my Covid 15. The Virtue I could call on would be Temperance. Aristotle’s 12 virtues added in some fun, which I could invoke when I'm in my crabby caustic curmudgeon mode.  Thoughts to dwell on today. Aristotle’s 12 virtues from

1) Courage – bravery

2) Temperance – moderation

3) Liberality – spending

4) Magnificence – charisma, style

5) Magnanimity – generosity

6) Ambition – pride

7) Patience – temper, calm

8) Friendliness – social IQ

9) Truthfulness – honesty, candidness

10) Wit – humor, joy

11) Modesty – ego

12) Justice – sense of right / wrong, indignation

Thursday, January 7, 2021


 Tarot Egyptien ~ Page of Swords

Learn it then learn it again. Story of America, story of me. Forty-five minutes in Chat mode with Apple trying to fix my iPad, and four years with a madman at the wheel and the rest of the clowns are still in the car. A.Mazing. 

My iPad is fixed, America isn't. Apparently doesn't want to be. 

Wednesday, January 6, 2021

Float Mode

 Tarot Egyptien ~ 6 of Swords

Noted as Declaration in this deck. Often read as transition, indicating movement. Drifting backwards? Pushing forward? Paddling madly to stay in place?

I've often thought after a big change, intended or not, why didn't I do this sooner. I  self-congratulate 'I'm thinking so hard about this important thing' when probably I'm just in float mode, working against movement. Probably because even when we want or need change, as humans we fight it. It is instinct but one we should have mutated out of a million years ago. 

Tuesday, January 5, 2021


 Tarot Egyptien ~ Prudence

Looking at the news it seems in short supply. Looking in the mirror I see the problem. I dreamed last night we'd been reduced to caveman living. I was trying to decide if I was cold enough to cover over with a rotting hide. I know humans, normally we are survivors, but there seems to be a hivemind death wish right now. 

And I looked up hide tanning knife and we don't have anything remotely close. I did though, bring home some really nice flint rocks from Texas in 2019. And that mirror edge could be used I'll bet.  Hey, there's me...forward planning. 

Monday, January 4, 2021


 Tarot Egyptien ~ 4 of Swords

Solitude. Well we have that in spades. Sometimes I think we are the only people left still staying isolated. Neighbors are sneaking into darkened pubs, thousands are attending raves, millions are flying, world leaders are jetting off to exotic places. 

But that peevish outburst out of the way, what would I be doing different, day to day? I'm retired and I Love It, not going to work, not doing any have tos at all. I expect it is just the  mental gymnastics of 'if you can't is when you want to'. Pretty sure that is the crux of the mental monkey brain, Can't vs Won't.

Sunday, January 3, 2021

Hot Air Popper

 Tarot Egyptien ~ 3 of Wands

Enterprises. Brick wall. My master 2021 creative plan has already hit a wall, my terrible internet connectivity here. Downloaded Zoom, set my alarm so I wouldn't miss my first class...and nothing would load. By the time 1:07 PM rolled around and I got it going I was locked out of the class. 

It is what it is. And sometimes it is very good, but not dependable. Sitting here I realized I could go downtown in front of the library and use their wi-fi next time? Maybe, I'm a pretty lazy bum but it is a thought. In fact I'm already excited again. 

I'm completely out of books so to entertain myself I've discovered Mr. Money Mustache forum (when it loads). In horror, dealing with greedy relatives and estates. In comedy, bonehead stock mistakes, In romance, finding a partner who appreciates good financial stewardship. In DIY, using hot air corn poppers for roasting coffee beans. Great sort of a book, free! 

Hey we find our enterprise in odd places. But I want to Zoom dangit. 

Saturday, January 2, 2021

Inaction. In Action.

 Tarot Egyptien ~ 8 of Swords

Critical Incident this card advertises. Unless we are in a car wreck, or fired etc most of our days pass in fog. But I'm thinking we have a critical incident every day, we just miss them or ignore them. This is Life! A decision left unmade, an action undone, and the pea turns into a golf ball then snowball then a mountain. And we wonder how it got to this state. 

Inaction. In action. Two choices. Eyes open, eyes closed, Two more choices. 

Friday, January 1, 2021

Better Not Pout

 Tarot Egyptien ~ Page of Cups

Open heart, begin again. I was sure my fan and draw would reveal a Sword, you know, take some time off, cool down, come back with a better attitude. 

Didn't happen. But we move along anyway don't we, in spite of our wish to pout and eat worms. I've cleaned all the entrances to our home. My powerful new Word of the Year is in pride of place and 2020's Perspective has been retired to the upstairs collection. Revived an old interest, read at least fifteen books. Will attend my first Zoom meeting today. Little Fiona has been with us a month now, and I've begun opening my heart to her, hard for an old crusty like me to do, open heart, allow pain to enter, but there is too much love and fun to worry about that now. Rob and I will reaffirm our vows in our usual way in a is all good. 

How can it not be Open Cup? We are alive. And the new year will roll on over us in spite of our best efforts. So Roll On 2021. We can take it.