Friday, June 25, 2021

Deep Diving

 Animal Totem Tarot ~ Queen of Cups

I've seen a lot of moose in and around water as a kid, but I did not know they enjoy deep diving for the tender bits below. 

That is what I've been doing on my private blog and with my collage work, deep diving. Diving to the bottom of the pond for the life jewels and tender bits I'd let silt under, but that always muddies the water too. I need to choose what to let drift away, and what to dig for, excavate into the light of day.

This Queen of Cups is going to be off-line for a bit. It's good for my character and attitude as my mother would say. 

Thursday, June 24, 2021

Scent Gland

 Animal Totem Tarot ~ 7 of Wands

Armed and fully loaded. What if...this scent gland was part of our own arsenal. Instantly I can imagine humans abusing the weapon. But, if children had it, primed to go off on pedophiles? Would it actually be a deterrent? 

How different would my grandfather's daughters and granddaughters and foster daughters lives have been? 

Wednesday, June 23, 2021


 Animal Totem Tarot ~ 4 of Wands

Looking at this 4 of Wands as how we 'structure' our days, life, home, I've been sitting here doing some reviewing. #1, I work best with structure in my life. Even in retirement my days are gently organized, work first play second; while being open to something spontaneous. 

All our physical structures are in the best shape they've ever been in, with the exception of the lintels at my office door need repainted, and there is a light in the garage that needs the tallest ladder to be changed. Can't say this has always been the case, during work work work years, stuff got taken care of in a more haphazard manner, sometimes emergency basis. 

The fly in the ointment? My house slippers have simply disappeared. 

Tuesday, June 22, 2021

Blue Footed Decisions

 Animal Totem Tarot ~ Knight of Cups

It is one thing to recognize the Chalice is broken, but it takes the Knight to decide when and how to heal and move on. I think this is a blue footed booby, famous for being odd. Blue feet! Ha ha ha... 

Being different has its advantages, no one is surprised when he chooses an alternative outside the box to make his life work. Better late than never. 

Monday, June 21, 2021

Broken Chalice

 Animal Totem Tarot ~ Ace of Cups

Because I'm trying to make sense of something that has hurt me to the core, I'm reminded by this cup that having feelings and tender thoughts and caring is a two way street, as we become vulnerable. Sometimes we have to say goodbye, the cup is empty, the chalice is broken. 

How we do that determines how we survive. Bury it? Deny it? Ignore it? Spin it? I'm taking some advice from Desmond Tuto (from The Book of Forgiving: The Fourfold Path for Healing Ourselves and Our World) whose suggested steps came to me in an online retreat this week. 

One of the first tasks was to hold a rock in our non-dominant hand (Tuto recommends six hours) during the 1.5 hours the first half of the retreat lasted. It signified the weight we are packing, how it hinders our life whether we acknowledge it or not. Just that one exercise produced a page of journaling...and nightmares. Harking up hairballs, gotta be done.

Sunday, June 20, 2021


 Summer Solstice Felicitations

by Amanda Clark

Saturday, June 19, 2021

Savor, Then Revel

 Elements of Recovery Deck ~ Patience 

It's trying to try and be tried. Day in day out. All part of life; living it all in the fast lane would be dreadful. No time to savor the process, figure out the quirks, do some rethinking, revel in the completion. 

If it were easy everyone would do it. 

Friday, June 18, 2021

Seems Like

Elements of Recovery Deck ~ Contentment

Mostly I am. Seems like a great achievement...

Thursday, June 17, 2021

Assault Mouse Style

 Elements of Recovery ~ Powerlessness

Am I the mouse or the cat? Like everything else we aren't one dimensional, we are both. The ability to be invisible while going about life, to appear small and unobtrusive goes to our mouse side, the advantage of size, claws, speed, and dedication to objective goes to our cat side. We need both to survive, the problem comes when we overfeed one aspect. 

Coincidentally my collage card yesterday was based on the same idea, what am I feeding, the idea life is a cherry full of bowlies, or a savage assault.  I'm capable of both, know ignoring one for the other leads to disaster.  Balance...easier to say than do. 

Wednesday, June 16, 2021


 Elements of Recovery Deck ~ Tolerance 

I had a stranger to stranger outing yesterday, dental appointment. Office staff masked and behind glass. Hygienist, X-ray tech, doctor, all in masks +face shields. As when I had my cataract surgeries, I asked the staff I came in real contact with how they fared during the shutdown. 

My hygienist said they'd been lucky to continue working, mostly running prescriptions from pharmacy to pick up, and that she'd had 3rd stage cancer and felt lucky she was able to get treatment.  The X-ray tech felt she should have been on unemployment because they made more money and masks were a personal affront on our freedom. That she remembered 9-11 and people got ridiculous then too...

How people chose to tolerate life is always interesting. 

Tuesday, June 15, 2021


 Elements of Recovery Deck ~ Inventory

If I were picked up by the scruff and dropped in a desert with only the shirt on my back what would my reaction be? Would I know to appreciate the shirt? What about a refugee camp? What about deep in the jungle? How about a mountain top? An Ice floe? 

Would what I fear or resent or curse sitting here in my cozy office make a blip on my consciousness? Hardly. My thinks for today will be what is my internal inventory to invoke in a situation where there is absolutely nothing to draw upon but me myself and I.

Monday, June 14, 2021

Bringing It To The Top

 Elements of Recovery Deck ~ Choices

I've been struggling with part of my personality for years, moreso in the last five. Which beast do I feed? The one that says screw 'em all, who needs the grief?", or the one that says "keep reaching out, accepting defeat is madness"?

I was actually looking at two book choices this morning on Amazon, advocating each outlook. Being whipsawed at this stage of life is uncomfortable, unproductive, and upsetting. But as King says in the accompanying booklet, everything we do and think has strands that attach to other parts of our life. 

I can make physical decisions, but mind decisions...making something go away mentally that has been part of my life from day one...not so easy. Perhaps making the choice of bringing it to the top of my mind rather than stuffing it under yammer yammer yammer will eventually bring a choice and action that will provide peace.

Sunday, June 13, 2021

Learning The Lesson

 Elements of Recovery Deck ~ Forgiveness

Resentment and revenge vs release. Big hurt/anger take time to process and my own experience of feeding the mad monkey mind anger loops for a year resulting in cancer is a cautionary tale. We can't hold that kind of pain without it affecting ourselves in multiple ways. 

I agree with the Elements book author, forgiveness doesn't mean "I forgive you". I've wiped that person from my life, what I've had to do is recognize the past can't be changed, what was done is done. What I can do is never put myself in a position that allows someone to have that kind of power over me.

It took as much effort to let it go, another year because I'd ingrained all that anger and resentment to run amuck, to consume me. Breaking those mental loops is Hard! So. Can't change the past. I lived. Don't allow it to happen again. Forgiveness, turns out it is all about me, not them. Only I can heal me. I can live with that lesson. 

Saturday, June 12, 2021


 Druidcraft Tarot ~ 4 of Cups

Feeling bored, lethargic, lazyboned, dull? When water sits it becomes stagnant, fills up with mud and weeds, eventually gets choked out. Same with life. 

Our parents weren't wrong when they said go outside and play. With real people in the real world. Stagnant is a terrible waste of a good life. 

Friday, June 11, 2021

Family Is Family

 Druidcraft Tarot ~ 10 of Coins

We drove up to the family plot yesterday. The new brick edging we put in last fall to keep the mowers from banging up the base blocks is doing the additional job of keeping weeds and grasses from growing over. We added some new bits and took away some old bits, bleached and scrubbed the stones, put the new summer flowers in, visited, said we'd be back in a few months for the fall/winter work, enjoyed the setting, and went and had turkey sandwiches and oranges by the river and Rob went fishing while I read my book. 

Not what anyone's mind goes to when companionable family time comes up, but all part of our annual cycles. Family is family and this is mine. 

Thursday, June 10, 2021

Druid Shoes

 Druidcraft Tarot ~ Knight/Prince of Cups

Bit of a fanciful helmet. Little is known about druids but I don't think they had helmets, let alone with plumes. Feather wad maybe. An ordained minister once told me most people base their biblical knowledge on christmas card art and advertisements. I believe it, we take the easy route to educating ourselves, from the book of Someone Told Me. 

Regardless, he might be following his heart, as Cups encourage us to do. Good for him. Although...quibble quibble, you'd think if they can fashion horse tack they could come up with serviceable shoes. 

Wednesday, June 9, 2021

For Joy

 Druidcraft Tarot ~ Lady/Empress

I wrote a long dark post...erased it. As I often do. Today I'll  consider the abundance in my own small life, and think of some ways to share it with others, not for self gain, but for joy. 

Tuesday, June 8, 2021

Life Investments

 Druidcraft Tarot ~ 7 of Coins

Appreciating the results and reaping the benefits of our efforts. 

In 1967-1969 Rob was in 'Nam. Crew chief and door gunner on Huey choppers. He was shot down six times. Those efforts are resulting in life saving results with the Veterans hospitals now. Full circle. 

In March 2009, in the midst of living away from home caring for Rob's parents my yoga teacher offered a workshop on SoulCollage (R). I got some respite time, had a great day, learned something new. Fast forward to 2020 and lock down, I got my cards out and began again. Free Therapy... amazingly efficient at unlocking grief, harking up old hairballs, recreating some of my most joyful times and generally helping me keep my sanity in an insane political climate. 

We never know what our investments will return. Seven of Coins. 

Monday, June 7, 2021

Shine The Light

 Druidcraft Tarot ~ Hermit

We may have a problem. We are shining all our available lights on it, seeking out companions with knowledge and skills. Don't want to know never cured anything. 

It will be what it will be but it doesn't have to be the end of the world, we live in marvelous times. 

Sunday, June 6, 2021


 Druidcraft Tarot ~ Judgement/Rebirth

Every day in every way, we have opportunities to rebirth to better. Better than yesterday, last year, last century. More time with loved ones, less time railing about what can't be changed. More time changing what we can...ourselves, our outlook and attitude, our health and personal happiness. Loosen the bondage of hate, wrap ourselves in all that is good in this beautiful planet. 

Saturday, June 5, 2021

Side By Side Comparisons

 Tyldwick Tarot ~ Star

Lighting and nourishing a positive way forward. 

I wish I could analyze a  side by side me in five year increments for the last twenty or thirty years. See if there has been any betterment at all. I'd like to think so but we see ourselves in a fairly kindly light, or in the worst light possible, so what is the reality? Today's thinks.

Friday, June 4, 2021

The Color Green

 Tyldwick Tarot ~ 4 of Wands

Four paint brushes, a well used palette, No paint. No canvas. No easel. No finished composition. The potential for play/work lies here but where is the action? Wands are where the thinking swords and emotional cups come together and get going. 

If red, yellow, and blue don't get blended you still have a blank. Combining our life paints becomes the impetus for the completion of the coins. I think all my lifepaints are in action, but perhaps I need to think if one shade, one tone is missing. If I had to guess it would be green. 

Thursday, June 3, 2021

Navigating Change

 Tyldwick Tarot ~ 6 of Swords

Navigating life's transitions. Seldom easy because we fall back on old habits, seeking reassurance in the known. 

Change is afoot...but then it always is, acknowledged or not. 

Wednesday, June 2, 2021

Foul Aberration

 Tyldwick Tarot ~ Death

A multiplicity of Majors this week... I will avert my eyes from this goose-stepping skeleton, shout begone in its bony skull, play Mustang Sally on the organ. Thou Foul Aberration Be Gone!

There. I feel better :)

Tuesday, June 1, 2021

Gotta Be Done

 Tyldwick Tarot ~ Chariot

Overcoming conflicts, moving in a positive direction. 

I've been inching sideways, eyes averted, toward a kintsugi project for two months.  Gotta be done. But oh my it hurts to take action because moving forward means admitting the true fact not the fairytale one.