Honor My Own Hierophant

 Brady Tarot ~ Hierophant 

When I saw this card come out my heart gave a little leap, teachers! We learn from every experience, but specific things from real people...can't truly get that off Google. 

In this year of SoulCollage to keep myself sane during Time Of Covid...I've made cards to honor many people, actual teachers, the authors and bloggers from which I've gained fiscal responsibility, bosses and supervisors who guided me from newbie to confidence, elders, zoom workshop leaders...

This morning I realized I've become my own teacher making my cards, journaling each one, building my deck of committee, community, companions, and council. I made this card to honor my own Hierophant, a bit of a broken doll, coming back to life. 

Coin Toss Win

 Brady Tarot ~ 6 of Wands/Feathers

Exaltation...as long as you are the raptor and not the reptile. Losing has plenty of benefits too, like no responsibility for the results, lots of time to moan and be bitter in the pub. Complain about everything the winner does, good or bad. Swear blind consequences of the conflict are not your fault, nope, nothing to do with me. All the fun, none of the work of winning. 

I have a win or lose situation today. If I win it buys time, if I lose I can do something about it. Bit of a coin toss really. 

Offloading Stuff

 Brady Tarot ~ 6 of Coins/Roots

As a representation of selfless giving, Brady impressed the hare's likeness on the moon's visage as a reminder of hare's offer of its life to save the life of Quetzalcoatl. Would I give my life for a stranger? Possibly. But more likely I'd equate offloading to the thrift store a bunch of stuff I don't want and can't sell as my 6 of Coins goody-two-shoes persona.

I need to check tomorrow and see if my registry on the kidney and bone marrow lists is still any good since I've had cancer. Red Cross won't take my blood anymore. Organ donations registry on my drivers license is still good because those are used for research and teaching, not just transplants.

Deep but thoughty thinks to start the week. I don't want to see myself as just another person donating junk because I have too much to store. That is the opposite of altruism.

Tending Our Own Roses

 Tao Oracle ~ Hexagram 18

Something broken, something spoiled?

The Tao would have us start with self-examination...what part did we play in the breakdown? Disinterest, teaching someone a 'lesson', get backs, hurt, despair, anger, lethargy, old tapes creating old broken non-solutions? 

Then admit it if we have been drawing others into our personal owie conspiracy. Dropping little bits of poison randomly? 

Working back from this personal mental health abyss isn't easy. Sometimes nursing those abscesses keeps the loop going. We'd have to admit we might have been wrong, to blame, an instigator perhaps just by allowing it to fester. Making no effort at recovery. 

Whatever the outcome may be, deeper estrangement or just pax, the Tao would like us to avoid such situations in the future, by tending our own roses. The family and neighborhood garden is none of our business. This is where I've come to stand. It will do. 

Conflict. Who Needs It?

 Tao Oracle ~ Hexagram 6 

When conflict arises the Tao suggests walking up a hill, turn the world off, get perspective. Hard to see clearly from the middle of something. Then look within to acknowledge our investment and commitment. Both may have nothing to do with the subject at hand.

For myself, often the input is unnecessary and pointless. People will fight whether I'm there or not, so what could I add? A kick in the shins, expose a skeleton? To what purpose is that? 

I guess this is on my mind because this is the first real holiday since everyone has had time and choice to get innoculated. Has time away from each other reinforced a bond, or given two more things to fight to the death over?

I'm choosing to skip the conflict, life is too short, and congratulate the stores that have chosen to not be open on Thanksgiving and Christmas any more. Good on them. 

Pile Of Puppies

 Tao Oracle ~ Hexagram 22

Blue. Kimono. I didn't get up mad. But I look at this outfit and have to wonder what man designed it? To dress a woman in a manner that she is unable to mow a lawn, ride a bike, play tennis, roll around with a puppy? An outfit designed to keep a woman in one place. Muted life. 

I look at magazine spreads of various homes and think no one really lives here. There is no kleenex and ipad on the coffee table, no coffee cups on the kitchen counters, no shrubs that need trimmed, no combs and brushes and lotions in the bathroom. These are not lived in loved homes, just sets of remarkable ways to spend money. To keep up with the Jones which will never happen, there is always another Jones who is richer, more famous, more subscribers. 

But perhaps I do live in a state of Grace because these are just passing thoughts, I don't dwell there fuming. Mostly just laughing because I'm happy I chose to make different decisions, follow a different path. Decisions someone else might happily do differently. But I'll say, there is nothing like rolling on the lawn with a pile of puppies to realize there is a state of Grace. 

Empty Bowl

 Tao Oracle ~ Hexagram 50

This hexagram starts with closed mind restrictive thinking, and works through to an accepting mind which allows us to make healthy decisions based on all evidence. 

The I Ching was composed around 1000 BC. And we continue to choose sides based on who is shouting the loudest, no doubt why our collective world bowl is still empty. 

Sneaking Up On Blue

 Tao Oracle ~ Hexagram 11

Peace and balance. Hence the curtains? Blue makes me cold. Melancholy. I made a collage a few months ago in blues, and it too has blue draperies pulled from an Architectural Digest Magazine. Massive things they are and I glued them right down properly on the sides of the image. Containing that cold. I can't think of anything I own that is blue with the exception of an inherited fountain pen. 

Yet I looked up blue symbology and got: serenity, stability, inspiration, wisdom or health. It can be a calming color, and symbolize reliability. So what's my problem? Some thinks for today, I'll sneak up on it, see if there is a demon lurking...and whop it's hinny. Or embrace it. 

Zen Time

 Tao Oracle ~ Hexagram 62

A soft suggestion to go lightly, start softly, proceed gently. My 2022 Word of the Year is Equanimity. With a codicil of Sit. Stay. Just sounds like this image doesn't it?

Far different from my chosen word for 2021, Invoke, balanced by Adventure. Both strong words which I've used sparingly and thoughtfully, acted on with care folded into power. This has been a year stuffed with outer and inner action and activities, all close to home but world movers. I'm a bit wore out to be honest. I'm looking forward to 2022 and some zen time ~

Segway Ninebot S

 Pagan Otherworlds Tarot ~ Chariot

Oddish. Not sure about the feather skirt and the sheet would fall down straight and get caught in the wheels, these goats couldn't go fast enough to keep it strung out in the wind. But perhaps he is has mad inventor skills and this is version 1.0 of the Segway Ninebot S. (yes, I'd like to have one) Or perhaps this is a fashion photo shoot which usually have some weird stuff going on. If those goats come down and run he will be laying flat over their rumps, wonder if he has thought about that?

My mind is a chariot this morning, already darting in all directions at once. One advantage of this model is it can and will turn on a dime. A mind skill that is most wondrous. 

Arnchair Traveler

 Pagan Otherworlds Tarot ~ 3 of Wands

Travel to other lands again? I don't think so. But I sure have some wonderful memories I can rerun at any time. The man walking down the street with a paper cone of Chips and Mushy Peas in England. Rob still teases me about the look on my face, peas of any kind being my bit of kryptonite. The bakeries. The meat hanging in  windows, Amurikins are far too delicate to view what their meat comes from. Walking on the ice age scrape marks on the northern Canadian Precambrian shield, sitting on the curb in France waiting for the citizenship to get over their naptime. Posting a letter from a Mexican post office. 

I think my RV trailer on the river of blacktop here will suit me fine, so many places to go, so many places to see, so many people to meet. 

Burning The Demon

 Pagan Otherworlds Tarot ~ 8 of Cups

Avoiding some major psychological issues and concerns. 

This made my moonface laugh as last night I dreamed I was staying with a favorite (long gone) aunt again. Loveliest woman in the world but not a housekeeper. Still today, sixty years later I can't bear to walk around without shoes, a twitch developed from her filthy floors. In the dream I was trying to clean those floors before she came home but there wasn't anything to clean with. If I could have gotten to it. 

That was probably the outlet she had of trying to exorcise her demons.  (((my aunts))) and the zero help they had. If there is such a place I hope their demon is burning in it. 

Choose Your Fight

 Pagan Otherworlds Tarot ~ 9 of Wands

Maintaining the line in the sand with a full serving of exhaustion in the face of ongoing adversity. 

I was a guest once in a home where kitchen garbage was piled up because they were fighting over who takes it out.I suspect there was something else behind it, but you have to pick your battles, not fight the pointless. 

On the other hand I'll never forget and never forgive and never never vote for a particular political party again, even though I was one of them for 45 years. I'm no longer hanging by a thread though, I'm leaned up against a rock in the sunshine, eating popcorn, watching them destroy themselves, no help from me needed. A good fight indeed, no energy expended by me, those would be minutes of a precious life I'd never get back. Who needs that? 

She Carries The Sunflower

 Pagan Otherworlds Tarot ~ Queen of Wands

I mumble-grumbled when I drew this queen, busybody was the first word that came to mind. And she is, if you wish to call it that, she is the innie-me who gets things moving, although sometimes it takes years of mulling over, like moving Grandma Pearl, and stepping forward to take care of parents with dementia. 

But she always carries the sunflower, icon of safety and health and future okness. I appreciate having her in my council, even if her actions often cause blowback. Screw 'em and the donkeys they rode in on, we can take it. 

Plenty Of Options

 Pagan Otherworlds Tarot ~ 7 of Cups

Write that letter or lollygag another day? Pizza day, do I want pineapple? Add that marble figure to the collage piece I was working on yesterday? Why do I think it should go there? Keep or give up some of my ebay searches? Add Grandpa Ed's name and dates to Grandma Pearl's stone, or will I have enough information to organize a WWI Veteran's one for him? Gird my loins and sit down and start machine quilting the two beautiful tops I basted together at least two weeks ago, or more lollygagging? Make the effort to find out why Amazon refunded my purchase price when I deleted a set of books that bored me stiff? 

Options, my cups are stuffed with them. How could anyone say they were bored when there is so much to do in a commonplace day? Get 'er done. Free up some brainpan and some time. 

Opposing Thumbs

 Pagan Otherworlds Tarot ~ King of Swords

In beginning times I suppose clan kings came about because they were strong enough to protect and able to think up ways to make them safer. In my observations I've found the flaw in the system to be no term limits and leadership fell to the next heir who could be a blob of jelly or raving madman and often was, having been treated as elite which distorts the brain cells. 

The logic of the animal kingdom has much to be admired, but never copied because it doesn't provide any way for old men to get rich. No room for mine is perfect and yours are worthless. Funny old world, and to think it comes down to opposing thumbs. 

Feeding The Birds

 Majestic Earth Tarot ~ 6 of Coins/Stone 

Cat food canned cat food dry. Check

Dog food canned dog food dry. Check

Layer mash chicken feed + Flock Blocks. Check

50 pound bag sunflower seeds 30 pound bag cracked corn. Check

Salt block on stump in forest. Check

Bags of healthy treats from Farm Dog Store in Longview. Check

Hummingbird sugar and feeders. Check

Bales of pine shavings for floors. Check  Peat for dusting pan. Check 

Pet cemetery. Check   Stock in Tractor Supply, Check

Feeding Time At The Cottage, Helen Allingham (1848-1926)

Grasp? Or Seize?

 Majestic Earth Tarot ~ Wheel/Whisper of Fortune

"The answer is in the riddle; This is life; grasping for meaning is like clutching sand." J.D. Hildegard Hinkle  

Questioner of the Sphinx, Elihu Vedder 1836-1923

Shades Of Strength

 Majestic Earth Tarot ~ Strength

I thought that might be elephant tusks on the side but an examination of other paintings in this series reveals them to be cactus husks, maybe Mexican Fence Post or Organ Pipe. And I'd forgotten lions are the only cat family that stays together, as a Pride, from a couple to sometimes forty. 

A friend has been on my mind, they are packing up and moving east after a lifetime in the Pacific Northwest. I asked if leaving her only grandson, now two, would be hard and she said she'd only be allowed to see him one time, through a car window. I'm thinking about us, me reaching backward to pull family together because there is nothing going forward. Takes Strength in a lot of different shades to survive this world doesn't it? 

Lion and Lioness, Wilhelm Kuhnert 1865-1926

Rehoming Pearl

 Majestic Earth Tarot ~ King of Coins/Spirit of Stone

I could paint these mountains, Bob Ross says so, so I believe it. Sometimes knowing you can gives you the courage to just do it.

I've been thinking about moving my grandmother Pearl from her lonely grave to the family plot. As far as I know I'm the only one who ever visits and that has been seldom since I've no reason to go to that city anymore. Why not. She will love it. So will I. 

The Watzmann, Caspar David Friedrich 1774-1840

We Are The Champions

 Majestic Earth Tarot ~ 5 of Wands/Trees

The lowest National Basketball Association salary this year is just short of a million dollars, the highest is just short of forty-six million dollars. Wonder what the payday was for a joust? I'm guessing these jousters received considerably less than minimum NBA. 

Competition for champion can be for anything; my competitor is always myself. Today I will do better than yesterday. Better at what? Don't know, but something. But it's pretty funny watching me joust me.

The Past, Thomas Cole 1801-1848

Stocking Up On TP

 Majestic Earth TArot ~ 10 of Wands/Trees

It is November 8, in an agrarian culture at this point we would be expected to have everything we need to survive winter and spring in our barns and larders. Poor crops, laziness, bad planning, bad luck, theft, and sorry Charlie, you loose. 

To get an idea of just how poorly equipped we are today for this way of life, I'd recommend Frontier House. Of course they didn't have the problem of stocking up on TP.

West Rock, New Haven, Frederic Edwin Church 1826-1900

That Way Lies Madness

 Majestic Earth Tarot ~10 of Swords/Clouds

Are the remains of the monastery time rendered, result of war, the 1536 dissolution directed by a petulant king? The dead remain, grief remembers., ruins are not mute. 

My personal dissolutions have mostly become apparent in hindsight. No regrets, that way lies madness because we can't know the future. Just as well. 

Monastery Graveyard in the Snow, Caspar David Friedrich 1774-1840

Life From A Position Of Strength

 Shaman's Oracle ~ Hunter of Strength

Today we are going to the family plot. It will be different from the last nine years. Two or three months later than usual. My collage therapy this year has managed to shave off some of the boulder of grief I've carried for my little sister, and returned in some part the mother I loved who raised me, and distance the mother with dementia who became the shouting specter of nightmares. 

So instead of scrub buckets, weeding, placing flowers, and general ripping grief, we are taking donuts and coffee and will spend a some time visiting. My dad will be proud of the rock garden I've amassed and Rob's dad may have an idea about the Kubota, and will be amazed at how well the Merry Tiller runs. Maybe I can even explain to Hazel why I'm so angry with her...but probably not. And I should ask mother's advice and thoughts about moving Grandma there from Aberdeen, something I've wanted to do for years. 

Then to the Montesano library sale hunting collage material, on to Cabela's in Olympia to spend some of Rob's credit on treats for him, where we will have our  picnic sandwiches. Hunting life from a position of Strength. 

Smile

 Shaman's Oracle ~ Hunter of Dreams

The dreams I remember are most often anxiety driven. Last night started out that way then morphed into the nicest dream I think I've ever had. I wonder if I hunted it, turned what was highly distressing into something lovely?

Today is a two hour drive to a four hour eye appointment, with some unpleasant tests and two hours back home. I'm going to think on that dream today, and just smile. 

Fear Bigly

 Shaman's Oracle ~ Dancer of Fear

After four+ years of exhaustive never ending caregiving, my friend Joan made the decision to move her husband into professional care last month. Married sixty years, but no longer a unit, a set, a team. Tied but solitary. 

Having been a caregiver to the point of delirium and blackouts, I understand, I wish she had been able to do it sooner for her own sake. But now the actuality of it keeps circling my brain and heart. 

And I fear this potential eventuality. Fear it Bigly. 

Alberta

 Shaman's Oracle ~ Dancer of Friendship

Alberta Altizer Brown, my first friend who used her last name as a middle name...I've been doing it ever since. Our landlady when we moved to Portland, two bumpkins from the sticks. I was too shy to even call and get the power and phone turned on. 

We were just hello on rent day acquaintances until one night about 11 PM she called and said she was out of Dr. Pepper, did I want to ride down to the store with her. Why not? She took me to Frankie's, an odd place way the heck and gone from where we lived (adjoining lots) which was an adventure in itself, in the middle of the night no less!

She worked as a wide load escort for mobile homes and heavy equipment, so when the restaurant I was working at closed she suggested they set my car up and we work as a team. What fun we had and the places we went! She was Louisiana BlueBird on the CB and I was Mamma Cat. Usernames back before they were a thing... I miss you Alberta. 

World In A Word

 Shaman's Oracle ~ Spirit of Love

Love, a world in a word. Purists would say something not alive or capable of loving back can't be loved. Phooey on them, I love trees and rocks and my computer and fabric and glass and jewelry and fountain pens and lightbulbs and snakes and feathers and books and paint and paper and tablecloths and dishes and little house and big home and yard and fireplace and sticky notes and incense and barns and Midsomer Murders and tractors and beautifully crafted tools, tea and coffee and chickens and cows and dragons and unicorns and candles. 

A world in a word, I could go on all day. 

Corrupting Wraith

 Shaman's Oracle ~ Spirit of Destruction 

Negative patterns of thought, corroding our life, shifting the gears behind the scenes, lurking in the dark. I've come to believe my mind gave me breast cancer, and recently that overwhelming grief led to the first lung cancer. All so near the heart center...

She appears to be doing a dancer's leap, arms open, hands open. Is it the Shadow of a Dementor, celebrating it's consumption? Or the Light, seeing it feeling it recognizing it for what it is, escaping the mind noose once again? 

I have employment, watching for these corrupting wraiths, flinging myself upon them, and squeezing the rancid life out, away, gone from me. If coddled and allowed to fester, they will come for me, take my life. Not going there.